In no particular order, here are 20 people and other things I find completely overrated.
1) Steve Jobs – Jobs is best known as the father of antisocialism which is strange because I think he was politically a socialist. In my opinion life hasn’t gotten any better thanks to Apple products. Oh iPods are great? Tell me that when you can’t hear the rapist’s heavy breathing as he approaches you from behind because you’re too busy listening to your old Dido songs.
2) New York Yankees – Yankees fans like to brag about how many championships the team has won. Well, consider the fact that there weren’t very many teams until the 1960s. Odds of winning were much great. They also had the one player who could hit home runs for a decade. Chances are Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig were cheating if combined they were hitting home runs than an entire division. My theory is Gehrig wanted to admit to the cheating and Ruth infected him with the Lou Gehrig Disease needle and then threatened to do it to the rest of his family if he told. Gehrig kept quiet.
3) Christmas – I haven’t gotten a great gift in years. This holiday stinks.
4) Barack Obama – Barack Obama as president reminds me of when Mick Foley was the Raw General Manager in the WWE. Both seem like nice guys, but they’re full of empty promises and in my opinion are spot monkeys. And no, that wasn’t a racist joke. Not that the other options were better, but has Obama done anything he said he would other than let his wife boss him around?
5) The Beatles – Other than Helter Skelter, for Charles Manson fan reasons, I couldn’t tell you a thing The Beatles did that I like. What I hate the most is John Lennon. He acted like he cared about humanity yet the first time Asian snatch comes around he bails on his lifetime friends. Better Than Ezra is better than The Beatles.
6) Zooey Deschanel – She’s not funny nor is she a good actress. Why are people obsessed with her? She looks like a flattened cereal box. Ugh I hate skinny hipster girls. Not that I love the fat ones. I just hate when we take a singer and pretend she’s a talented actress when she’s not.
7) Humanity – In the last year alone we’ve had the dope shooting up the movie theater, the Newtown shooting, and the Boston bombing. Before we used to average one of these every 3 or 4 years. We also have things like the imprisoned girls in Cleveland. Awful things like this have always happened and I’m sure we don’t know the half of them, but it’s starting to get overwhelming. Why doesn’t some sick person put their energy into something more productive? If you must kill people, become a Robin Hood type hero. You’ll actually make a positive change.
8) College – Do you know who didn’t go to college? Jesus! He’s one of the most famous people around. College seems to be nothing more than delay factories for adulthood. Fuck I’m only 8 into this list and I already wish I was living back in Ancient Rome where they decided everything for you.
9) Bacon – Bacon is one of the few meats I do not enjoy. I think I’d rather eat a salad for breakfast than bacon which probably makes me gay.
10) Parties – Asking someone to come to your party is like saying “I enjoy your existence, but I really don’t like being around you when I’m sober.” Of course not all parties involve alcohol though. I’m not sure why you would have a party otherwise though because who is a person that is worth being around while sober?
11) Modern Family After Season One – The first season of Modern Family was great. The second season was okay. After that I stopped watching. I’m not sure where the show went wrong. Maybe it was not enough nude Sofia Vergara scenes? I shouldn’t expect that though. We’re in America. Nudity scares us. I think it was just too many jokes falling flat with too many characters in the show for us to ever like them all.
12) Karaoke – There’s enough professional bad music out there and we still feel the need to create some of it on our own. Karaoke is fun I guess if you do ecstasy or live in a country where food doesn’t exist and the insurgents are always blowing up your hospitals. I don’t live in one of these places so I don’t really feel the need to enjoy karaoke.
13) Owning Lots of Pets – I think there should be a rule that a household cannot own more than one pet per person living there. I also think parents shouldn’t be allowed to have more than three children, one extra in case there’s some big war or disease that wipes one out. Keep in mind that the more pets you own the more poop you will have to deal with. The same goes with children. Isn’t it hard enough dealing with your own poop?
14) Ironman – Ironman is probably my least favorite superhero after “Molestation Man.” Molestation Man never was too mainstream so don’t feel embarrassed if you’re not familiar. Ironman of course is basically Bruce Wayne, but more annoying. He has no good bad guys. I’ve always said that a comic book hero is only as good as his bad guys. I’ve never seen any of the Ironman movies and don’t plan on ever seeing them. Oh look that drunk Robert Downey Jr. is reciting snarky one-liners with a sexual undertone and now he’s flying. Great.
15) Johnny Depp/Tim Burton Alliance – I’ve complained about this before so I’ll spare you some reading. Their movies all stink since Sleepy Hollow. Cut it out you two.
16) Anal Sex – He said it would feel good, but now it just hurts to sit down anywhere.
17) Having Cable – There are literally around 30 television shows on Netflix I need to watch. I haven’t had cable in 3 1/2 years and I’ve survived. In fact, since I started living without cable I’ve grown up more and had more motivation to actually start writing my own stuff rather than watching other people’s creations. Cable stinks. Spend your money on something else.
18) Vacations – I could survive never going on another leisurely vacation. I don’t think I’d ever want to not travel somewhere ever again though. That sounds sad. If they were business trips though I would deal. Vacations seem to stress me out too much. I have to figure my way out around somewhere new. It took me almost a year in my last neighborhood I lived in to realize there was a CVS down the road and there were two Wawas a lot closer than I thought. Now I have to find the CVS and Wawas in a new place? No. Stop it. Vacations are too stressful and I know one day I will die while on one.
19) Blow Jobs – I’m trying reverse psychology here. I want some girl to be like “What? I’ll prove it to you” and then she does.
20) Concerts – I’ve only been to a handful of concerts in my life and most were against my choosing. I never know how to behave at concerts. Worse, the band never sounds as good. The only reason to ever go to a concert seems to be to throw something at the musicians on stage which of course would mean you have to see people you don’t even like which makes little sense.
What’s something you find overrated?