In no particular order, here are 20 people and other things I find completely overrated.

1) Steve Jobs – Jobs is best known as the father of antisocialism which is strange because I think he was politically a socialist. In my opinion life hasn’t gotten any better thanks to Apple products. Oh iPods are great? Tell me that when you can’t hear the rapist’s heavy breathing as he approaches you from behind because you’re too busy listening to your old Dido songs.

2) New York Yankees – Yankees fans like to brag about how many championships the team has won. Well, consider the fact that there weren’t very many teams until the 1960s. Odds of winning were much great. They also had the one player who could hit home runs for a decade. Chances are Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig were cheating if combined they were hitting home runs than an entire division. My theory is Gehrig wanted to admit to the cheating and Ruth infected him with the Lou Gehrig Disease needle and then threatened to do it to the rest of his family if he told. Gehrig kept quiet.

3) Christmas – I haven’t gotten a great gift in years. This holiday stinks.

Merry-Christmas-christmas-32790266-1920-1080(Fuck these two dandy queers. Put on some pants snowman)

4) Barack Obama – Barack Obama as president reminds me of when Mick Foley was the Raw General Manager in the WWE. Both seem like nice guys, but they’re full of empty promises and in my opinion are spot monkeys. And no, that wasn’t a racist joke. Not that the other options were better, but has Obama done anything he said he would other than let his wife boss him around?

5) The Beatles – Other than Helter Skelter, for Charles Manson fan reasons, I couldn’t tell you a thing The Beatles did that I like. What I hate the most is John Lennon. He acted like he cared about humanity yet the first time Asian snatch comes around he bails on his lifetime friends. Better Than Ezra is better than The Beatles.

 john-lennon-happiness1(I really hope the teacher gave John an F on this assignment then made him go to the school dance with the ugly Asian exchange student Yoko)

6) Zooey Deschanel – She’s not funny nor is she a good actress. Why are people obsessed with her? She looks like a flattened cereal box. Ugh I hate skinny hipster girls. Not that I love the fat ones. I just hate when we take a singer and pretend she’s a talented actress when she’s not.

7) Humanity – In the last year alone we’ve had the dope shooting up the movie theater, the Newtown shooting, and the Boston bombing. Before we used to average one of these every 3 or 4 years. We also have things like the imprisoned girls in Cleveland. Awful things like this have always happened and I’m sure we don’t know the half of them, but it’s starting to get overwhelming. Why doesn’t some sick person put their energy into something more productive? If you must kill people, become a Robin Hood type hero. You’ll actually make a positive change.

8) College – Do you know who didn’t go to college? Jesus! He’s one of the most famous people around. College seems to be nothing more than delay factories for adulthood. Fuck I’m only 8 into this list and I already wish I was living back in Ancient Rome where they decided everything for you.

Jesus-Good-Shepherd-05(I don’t think Jesus even graduated high school. What am I doing with my life???)

9) Bacon – Bacon is one of the few meats I do not enjoy. I think I’d rather eat a salad for breakfast than bacon which probably makes me gay.

10) Parties – Asking someone to come to your party is like saying “I enjoy your existence, but I really don’t like being around you when I’m sober.” Of course not all parties involve alcohol though. I’m not sure why you would have a party otherwise though because who is a person that is worth being around while sober?

11) Modern Family After Season One – The first season of Modern Family was great. The second season was okay. After that I stopped watching. I’m not sure where the show went wrong. Maybe it was not enough nude Sofia Vergara scenes? I shouldn’t expect that though. We’re in America. Nudity scares us. I think it was just too many jokes falling flat with too many characters in the show for us to ever like them all.

12) Karaoke – There’s enough professional bad music out there and we still feel the need to create some of it on our own. Karaoke is fun I guess if you do ecstasy or live in a country where food doesn’t exist and the insurgents are always blowing up your hospitals. I don’t live in one of these places so I don’t really feel the need to enjoy karaoke.


13) Owning Lots of Pets – I think there should be a rule that a household cannot own more than one pet per person living there. I also think parents shouldn’t be allowed to have more than three children, one extra in case there’s some big war or disease that wipes one out. Keep in mind that the more pets you own the more poop you will have to deal with. The same goes with children. Isn’t it hard enough dealing with your own poop?

14) Ironman – Ironman is probably my least favorite superhero after “Molestation Man.” Molestation Man never was too mainstream so don’t feel embarrassed if you’re not familiar. Ironman of course is basically Bruce Wayne, but more annoying. He has no good bad guys. I’ve always said that a comic book hero is only as good as his bad guys. I’ve never seen any of the Ironman movies and don’t plan on ever seeing them. Oh look that drunk Robert Downey Jr. is reciting snarky one-liners with a sexual undertone and now he’s flying. Great.

15) Johnny Depp/Tim Burton Alliance – I’ve complained about this before so I’ll spare you some reading. Their movies all stink since Sleepy Hollow. Cut it out you two.

16) Anal Sex – He said it would feel good, but now it just hurts to sit down anywhere.

Village+People+png(No caption needed)

17) Having Cable – There are literally around 30 television shows on Netflix I need to watch. I haven’t had cable in 3 1/2 years and I’ve survived. In fact, since I started living without cable I’ve grown up more and had more motivation to actually start writing my own stuff rather than watching other people’s creations. Cable stinks. Spend your money on something else.

18) Vacations – I could survive never going on another leisurely vacation. I don’t think I’d ever want to not travel somewhere ever again though. That sounds sad. If they were business trips though I would deal. Vacations seem to stress me out too much. I have to figure my way out around somewhere new. It took me almost a year in my last neighborhood I lived in to realize there was a CVS down the road and there were two Wawas a lot closer than I thought. Now I have to find the CVS and Wawas in a new place? No. Stop it. Vacations are too stressful and I know one day I will die while on one.

19) Blow Jobs – I’m trying reverse psychology here. I want some girl to be like “What? I’ll prove it to you” and then she does.

20) Concerts – I’ve only been to a handful of concerts in my life and most were against my choosing. I never know how to behave at concerts. Worse, the band never sounds as good. The only reason to ever go to a concert seems to be to throw something at the musicians on stage which of course would mean you have to see people you don’t even like which makes little sense.

bieber-monkey(This is how AIDS was made. Hey, at least I didn’t put this under the picture of The Village People)

What’s something you find overrated?

  1. I agree with the Steve Jobs one, but the bacon thing means you are deffo gay.

  2. Carter A. Johns says:

    Man oh man, with a few exceptions, it’s like you picked these right out of my brain. I vote Museums. You know the phrase “more boring than watching paint dry”? At museums, you are literally looking at dried paint.

  3. Obama hasn’t done much he said he’d do – on the other hand, it freaks me out more when we get Republicans who DO do the things they promise. Screwed either way, really.

    We’re supposed to believe John Lennon said that at five? I call B.S.

    Apple is the same as every other electronic product but ten times more expensive. John Lennon probably would have owned an Apple.

    I can’t see having more than two kids. Sometimes even one. Those people with 19 kids are just freaking bonkers.

    Cable does suck. There is nothing on but idiotic reality TV – like the family w/ the 19 kids.

    Thank goodness someone else hates Johnny Depp / Tim Burton movies too.

    Just realized there are three Ironman movies. Why?

    Vacation for me is doing absolutely nothing and going nowhere.

    Ditto on Humanity – where is Jesus during all of this? Did he decide to go to college after all?

  4. Some people and stuff are def overrated. Plenty. Meat in general, I believe. Or any upcoming group everyone startfreaking about.
    I can’t think of anything specifically, except for life maybe. Told you I’m turning into a pessimist…

  5. Oh, how I heart you. Even with the Yankee hate. The one Yankee I find grotesquely overrated, by the way, is Jeter. I have always found him to be a mediocre shortstop at best.

    YES on the Steve Jobs overrating. I loathed him when he was alive, and nothing has changed now that he’s gone. Apple is an overrated company, with deeply overrated products. I refuse to own any Apple products. I have an iPod but it was a gift. And when it craps out, I’m getting a non-Apple MP3 player.

    And what is with the unholy allliance of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp? They’re about as appealing as Hitler and Mussolini.

    Also yes on everything else on your list except Bacon, Owning a Lot of Pets (I have 3 cats, dude!), Cable, and Vacations. Although the first day of vacation is always a little stressful with trying to find the CVS and the Wawa. After I’ve located them, though, and I’ve got my soda and Tasti-Cakes, I’m good.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Jeter’s the only person with such bad range he has to backhand everything.

      I don’t think 3 cats is “a lot.” I think the most my family had at one time were 3 cats and a dog so I can’t judge there. I still stand by my dislike of bacon though. It’s just too…pig ass.

      • Bacon is made from pig’s ass???

        At least Jeter’s range is better than Johnny Damon’s—he’s the only outfielder I ever saw who needed two cutoff guys to send the ball in.

  6. Lily says:

    I have so much to say about this post. Most things I agree with 100%.
    Ironman sucks so bad and I hate RDJ with a burning passion.
    I think I used that same Village People picture in my YMCA post. It’s so beautiful.
    Sleepy Hallow was so good and you’re right about everything they’ve made since then except for maybe Sweeney Todd which I thought was pretty good.
    How do you not like bacon? I like, cannot compute this information.
    I agree about Zooey Deschanel.
    I agree about John Lennon but not about the Beatles. So many good tunes! Have you seen the movie Nowhere Boy? It’s about John Lennon’s life growing up. Kind of cool.
    Barrack Obama annoys me because he’s treated like a celebrity. Our president shouldn’t be on the cover of People magazine.
    Now you’ve got me all riled up! Great post!

    • Mooselicker says:

      I’m glad I got you so angry with this. I swear I wrote some post about Zooey Deschanel and how she cut her bangs but I only have like 4 pieces prewritten now and I must not have mentioned it. Look it up though. Zooey Deschanel without bangs. She’s so plain looking.

      Who should be on the cover of People Magazine? Someone whose job it isn’t to order soldiers to kill other soldiers?

      • Carter A. Johns says:

        Personally, I’ve always been a fan of Emily over Zooey. Even the way she spells her name is so cutesy, on the verge of cloying

  7. The Waiting says:

    OMG this is my favorite evaaaaaaar. The Beatles are insanely overrated. I like them OK but people make it sound like if they had never existed, we’d all become feral and eat each other. They.Were.Musicians. This is why Ringo was my favorite one. He doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously. He used to perform at the casinos outside of Memphis, and I sort of felt like he’d go to Shoneys between sets.

  8. I am scared to tell you how many of these I agree with…

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    That last pic is priceless…monkey playing with JB hair…JB tongue all out…Ew. great list too.

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