I talk a lot about chicks on this blog because I’m a guy. I think chicks, I bleed football, and I brush my teeth with beer. My taste in women is as varied as my taste in rocking chairs. Sometimes there are traditionally hot women I’ll like and other times they are more average. I also judge so much in my attraction in the personality or what I assume their personality is like. Sometimes there are women who I’m really attracted to and I can’t figure out why.

Judy Greer:


I’m not sure what it is about Judy Greer I like so much. She’s so not my type. I mean, for one she’s much older and has a similar face to Phoebe from Friends. Her face comes to a weird triangular point. I think what I like about Ms. Greer (unless she’s married to former Texas Rangers outfielder Rusty Greer) is her sense of humor. In both Arrested Development and her cartoon character in Archer, she plays crazy and sexual women. I think what this means is that Judy Greer is a little nutty, but not to the point where she’s exactly like these character. I don’t know what it is. I still want to have Judy Greer’s babies.

Lake Bell:


When I first started watching Children’s Hospital I always thought Lake Bell was weird looking. Then I saw her in something other than hospital scrubs and I realized why she could be considered hot. Wow. Look at that chest. She must have back problems. I don’t want to say her face always looked a little too “Jewish” for me because that sounds racist and I actually do like Jewish girls. I’m pretty sure a lot of this has to do with her boobs and the fact I know she has a good sense of humor. I know this because I’ve listened to her phone calls.

Uma Thurman:


Uma Thurman and I could never date. She’s much richer than me and I think she’s taller. She’d probably feel like I couldn’t protect her, especially since she probably can somewhat fight from being in Kill Bill. I couldn’t even say Uma Thurman is so much pretty as much as it is I like her insanity. She’s hung out with Quentin Tarantino so much it’s messed with her head. She seems like the kind of woman I could have a nice serious conversation with. Of course, the best part of this conversation would be when we both shut the fuck up and enjoy the uncomfortable silence.

Of Monsters and Men Girl:

nanna bryndis

I don’t care to learn her name. Why should I? It’s not like my alphabet probably uses her letters. She’s from Iceland and they put random circles at the top of A’s. She’s definitely cute and not a pig by any standards. It’s her hair that bugs me I guess. She goes with that shaving one half of her head and letting the rest flop over look. I’m sure this has a trendy name and I don’t care to learn that either.

Anne Hathaway (Sometimes):


I only like Anne Hathaway sometimes. You know, like in Princess Diaries. I’m kidding. I’m sure she was 18 in those movies anyway so it takes away from the joke. I hate when Anne Hathaway has this short hair thing going. What’s up with that? She looks like a little boy. Please Anne, grow your hair out. People only tell you that you look cute with that haircut because saying the word “cute” helps suck vomit back down.

Kirsten Dunst:

kirsten dunst

She actually somehow has a reputation for being ugly. Really? I always thought she was kind of cute. From the moment I saw her in Bring it On (you know, the previews, not the actual movie…) until I finally got to see her nude in Melancholia, I’ve always thought Kirsten Dunst was a pretty lady. She was also the best Mary Jane out there. Remember the wet t-shirt? Of course you don’t. You’re too busy watching Robert Downey Jr. in an iron suit you bad-taste-in-movies-haver.



Pink scares the shit out of me. Despite this fact, I’ve always enjoyed staring at her. She’s lucky we don’t live in the same town because if I saw her walking I’d probably keep staring. Obviously she’d like the attention. Why else would she dye her hair pink? To match her name? I don’t think that’s even her real name. I read somewhere her real name is David Hummerflitz.

Lady Gaga (Once in a Fleeting Glimpse):


It was very fleeting and she had on a lot of makeup, it was black and white, and I didn’t have to hear her voice. Please, continue pretending to respect me.

Jackie that works at Wawa:


There was this girl named Jackie that worked at a Wawa I used to go to. I saw her like four times and thought she was so hot. I finally had the courage to talk to her and she told me that “No, nobody ever has died here. At least not while I was working.” Then one day I saw her and she didn’t look quite as pretty. I found her on Facebook and she looked even worse. She looked like an uglier Miranda Cosgrove. I think what I liked most about Jackie was her pants. Don’t even ask me to get into what I mean by this. You had to be there to appreciate it.

Are there any people who you are attracted to and you’re not really sure why?

  1. rossmurray1 says:

    Uma. I know, right? I mentioned this once years ago to my mate and to this very day it’s all, “Oh, sure, you want to watch it; it’s got Uma in it…!” Well, no, not really, but, yeah, there’s something. Kirsten Dunst jumping on a bed in “Eternal Sunshine.” Check. I mentioned this elsewhere in blogland a while back but… Amy Sedaris. Age-appropriate and everything, you big Ella Enchanted perv!

    • Mooselicker says:

      Men never see movies for a particular actress. Women do it all the time for an actor they find attractive. That’s the only difference between our two sexes…

      Amy Sedaris is a good choice too. She’s so fun and strange that I overlook her wrinkles in a second.

  2. I knew from the title that this would be weird… you didn’t let me down…

  3. Lily says:

    I’m so mad that you put Anne Hathaway on here. She’s so gross and horsey. I actually like Lake Bell too. I liked her in “It’s Complicated” And “What Happens in Vegas” both terrible chick flicks. And Judy Greer is super funny but probably really messed up.
    I cannot explain my attraction to Alan Rickman and Tim Curry (young Tim Curry).Most of my other celeb crushes are pretty understandable. Ryan Reynolds being one of them.

    • This is why I love Lily; I thought I was the only person on earth who thinks Anne Hathaway is kind of a dog

    • Mooselicker says:

      Anne Hathaway is only good when she has long hair. I hate her with short hair. Have you seen Zooey Deschanel without bangs? Anne Hathaway with short hair is even worse. She looks like a skinny little boy, an ugly one at that. I was sure to put the (Sometimes) in there for a reason because she hasn’t been attractive for about two years now.

      Your Tim Curry crush…yeah I don’t get it.

      • Speaking of Zooey, add Emily Deschanel to my loves. She’s seems a lot more down to earth than her sister, who oddly enough, has the shtick that makes her seem down to earth but really means she probably has much stricter criteria (even though she married chubsy Ben Gibbard)

      • Mooselicker says:

        A few weeks ago a guy asked me if I listen to Deathcab For Cutie. I don’t talk to him anymore.

        I agree on Emily. She probably feels awful.

      • Lily says:

        I think I just like him because he’s a overly confident dick in every role.

  4. Judy Greer is a goddess, and Lake, well, you know how I feel about Jewish looking girls. Appreciate the heads up on Kirsten getting nude.

    Chelsea Handler, all day long. Don’t know why, don’t care. I was always a fan of Amy Poehler too, back to the UCB days. And sort of, Rachel Dratch. And I don’t get all the people who claim Maria Sharapova is just average.

  5. Pen says:

    I adore Judy Greer so much. She made watching 27 Dresses with my female friends actually occasionally interesting (I’m one of those rare females that dislikes rom-coms in general).

    My embarrassing male crushes are animated. That’s all I’ll say on the subject.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Divulge! Divulge! We all have animated crushes.

      • Pen says:

        Haha, I forget I’m talking to the guy who co-runs Kidz Showz 😉

      • Pen says:

        Weirdest is probably Gargoyles. Lol. I adored Brooklyn.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Haha that’s a pretty good crush. He was at least the second in command. If I remember correctly he was the most attractive when they turned into humans, a reason why I was always jealous.

      • Pen says:

        He was!

        Also, I just remember a slightly embarrassing real-life-person crush. Chris Barrie (Rimmer from Red Dwarf). He’s such a smeghead, but I can’t resist. Especially when he tried an American accent on their Western episode. Adorable.

  6. Addie says:

    I think Lake Bell is okay, she has a new film coming out I plan on going to see. Watch what you say about ‘older’ ladies, boyo. Yes, I’m giving you the icy glare. Can you feel it? I am happy you didn’t mention Julia Stiles. I really don’t like her. She can’t act and her face is creepy. I’d have to disown you.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Older ladies? How about I call younger people “Age-Handicapped” and split the difference?

      Julia Stiles always seemed too mannish, even for me. I think it’s her voice. I mean…I wouldn’t turn her down or anything. She was on Dexter after all.

  7. Addie says:

    I suggest you go with mature. Remember, I know where you live.

    Okay, I don’t. Pretend I do. It’s not her voice, it’s her creepy eyes and no lips. I don’t mind Alan Rickman’s teeth (sorry, Lily…we discussed this before. he’s mine) or Vincent d’Onofrio’s cricked neck, but, Stiles is a major creeper.

  8. Smart Guy says:

    Always had a thing for Kirsten Dunst, plus she can sing!

  9. Brother Jon says:

    Lake Bell in No Strings Attached was amazing. And I agree about Judy Greer…there’s just something about her.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Judy Greer is definitely more of a personality thing. She just seems so bubbly and fun doesn’t she? That’s not to say she’s hard on the eyes or anything.

  10. The Waiting says:

    I cannot believe Kirsten Dunst is considered unattractive! He teeth are a little wonky but I think they are what make me like her so much. If I got to chose a celeb to look like, it would probably be her.

    You already know my bizarre attraction to Billy Corgan. What you may not know is that I also think Conan O’Brian is also really cute. Basically, I like super tall, pastey guys. I also think chef Ming Tsai is pretty sexy.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Those are some good choices. Do you think Conan’s personality has a lot to do with it too though? An average looking girl in a bar is just that, an average looking girl. An average looking girl with suspenders telling jokes suddenly becomes really hot.

  11. Ha. Lake Bell. That is the one I would have put. I first watched her on the show Surface, which was only on for a season. There was something oddly attractive about her, and then I saw her in other things with less clothing and came to the same conclusion. There is definitely nothing odd below the neck.

  12. Pink = YES! Lady Gaga? Hahahahaha! Really? Yes, I’m making fun of you. But that’s okay because I have a crush on David Bowie.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Pink seems to be the most controversial. Two people I know in real life told me I was sick for liking her. I don’t know. She seems like she’d be great in bed.

      Having a crush on David Bowie is like having a crush on any woman. You’re safe.

  13. You and I don’t have a lot of the same taste in chicks. Lake Bell and Pink are the only ones on this list who would do it for me if I were a guy. To me, Uma Thurman and Kirsten Dunst are really odd looking, but not in a good way.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Keep in mind these are a few women I find attractive that is strange. I have much more normal crushes. Malin Akerman will always be my queen. I would honestly kill someone if it meant she knew I existed. – John Hinckley Mooselicker

  14. calahan says:

    Kirsten Dunst is absolutely cute.

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