I’m going to talk here more in-depth about a few people I met during my most recent job that involved me doing a lot of traveling around NYC. Some of the people I knew already while some I had seen and others I was meeting for the first time. Since I think of everything as a movie and each person is a character with their own unique personalities I decided I would write about some of the people I worked with. I’m not going to mention one person for sure because he said to me at one point “I’ll have to check out your website” which freaked me out because I had never told him I had one. Do I have a secret admirer?
The Sex Party Guy: I briefly mentioned in one piece I wrote about how someone told me about how he was in Germany he got invited to a sex party. I actually became very friendly with this guy over the course of the next two weeks. I still cannot decide if I hate him or think he’s the coolest person ever. I think the fact he’s so incredibly book smart yet has never eaten pumpkin pie bugs me. I thought this guy was perfect until I saw that he’s a 12% tipper. That kind of bugged me, especially since the money we were spending on dinner was technically paid for.
Can’t Tell If She’s Hot Girl: I only met this girl twice and I still have no clue if she’s hot or not. Whenever I meet a young female 21-28 I always try to stay near them because they smell so good. The first time we met she smiled at me and seemed to go out of her way to introduce herself to me. We stared each other down twice and smiled and that was pretty cool, especially since she might be hot. The second time it was me, her, and the sex party guy working. It was a very neutral day until they started talking about all of the traveling they’ve done around the world and all of a sudden I was taken out of the conversation for the next 30 minutes. They didn’t even give me a chance to jump in and tell them I’ve been to Idaho. That would have definitely beaten them going to China and South Africa.
(No apartheid or Communism. Idaho wins)
The Obnoxious Old Guy: There was one obnoxious old guy working with me some of the time and I could tell nobody liked him. He was one of those old guys who talks nonstop and thinks what he’s doing is very important. Clearly it wasn’t important because I was trusted to do this work too.
Germaphobe: One guy working with us was a germaphobe. I only knew this because he was obnoxious old guy’s stepson and he said his stepson, germaphobe, showers five times a day and drives everywhere because public transportation grosses him out. Germaphobe was the typical fat douche jock type who didn’t really give me any problems, but I imagine he’s probably hit a girlfriend at some point in his life.
That Woman I Stalked Online: One of the people I worked with I stalked online using only her first name and place she worked at. Success! I found her picture and Google Plus Account. Wouldn’t it be funny if I added her and said “Hey you’re like 35 and I think you are very attractive. Do you remember me? We never even touched and I said one thing to you and you stared at me when I said it.”
That Cute Blonde Girl: I’m insistent that this one cute blonde girl that worked at one of the schools I had to go to was obsessing over me. I’ll do crazy things like that though and obsess over someone then think they’re obsessing over me. When a female will purposefully look at me then smile I convince myself she wants me in her bed. I’m sure she was just being nice and probably thought compared to the obnoxious old guy or germaphobe I was the best option to procreate with incase the Apocalypse just happened to start.
The Indian: One day I worked solo with an Indian guy. Apparently he was a real dick and called up some girl I have a crush on that I’m not sure why because she’s not my type and asked who I was. In my imagination the girl described me as “Herculian” and “as charming as a snake playboy.” The Indian actually turned out to be pretty cool. We talked about comic books and movies the entire three hours we were together. He even told me he was once contracted to write an Indian version of Private Benjamin, a movie starring Goldie Hawn from many years ago. His friends in India wanted to turn it into a musical though because all movies in India must be musical. They told him to write songs for the film and he asked if they should be songs relating to the story. They told him no, that the songs could be completely random. And this is Exhibit A as to why I’m frustrated I’ve never had a movie I’ve written made.
The Mean Security Guard: There was one security guard I encountered a few times who seemed a little mean. I was looking for the head woman at a community center. Thinking her name was “New Orleans” pronounced the way they pronounce it in New Orleans (Naww-lins) I asked him where Naww-lins was. I said this like five times then he corrected me and thought for the rest of the week I was a racist.
There were also a lot of kids I interacted with. Some were megadouchebags and others were whatever the opposite of that is. It’s strange how unique our personalities can be. I think what makes it so strange is that we all end up living a lonely life then dying anyway so why bother being different? Am I right guys?