I’m participating in a blogging project. Is it a project? It’s more people just putting links places. Sounds like hard work to me. We’re supposed to write about sleepovers. I already wrote a post about that before, but felt it would be cheating to allow them to put that link up. I’ll put it up here anyway then summarize it below again for the sake of things. The strangest sleepover I had can be read here at Up All Night Giggle Fests. But I had more and here are the top 10 things that I remember from sleepovers in no particular order.

1) At one of my first sleepovers a kid with bad breath showed us his butt then we watched The Stupids and made fun of the kid who fell asleep at 8 then we all fell asleep at 9.

2) When I was sleeping over Michael Barbera’s house one time we were watching Jungle 2 Jungle. He fell asleep and his dad came over and shut the movie off while I was still awake. I pretended to be asleep after that because it would have been awkward otherwise.

1997-jungle-2-jungle-poster1

3) When I was older I was sleeping over a friend’s house. He asked me if I needed to (insert whatever your favorite term for masturbation is here) before going to bed. I told him no. He excused himself and returned 10 minutes later. He probably wanted to say his prayers in private, right?

4) I was never allowed to have friends over as a kid because my house was really gross and messy. I began house sitting frequently when I was an older teenager and I had a friend sleepover one night. He slept in the little girl’s bed. We also watched porn and laughed at it because doing anything else would be weird.

5) A lot of times I would drink at friend’s houses. I never wanted to sleep on the floor so I usually stayed up all night until I was super enough to drive home. One time a girl rested her head on my crotch and we watched 9/11 conspiracy videos on YouTube all night long. She got really fat and didn’t remember me a week later.

venturalarryking

6) One time a friend of mine at a sleepover I actually stayed at asked me if he should show his foreskin to some girl in exchange for her to show him her boobs. I told him not to and he didn’t. I have never felt so trusted.

7) When I was younger my mom was in the hospital a lot. It was unfortunate that one time when she was in the hospital my dad was away for like the only business trip he ever went on. I think it was to Baltimore. He saw Jason Giambi there. Because my parents were afraid of someone calling DYFS on them, my sister and I had to stay at a neighbor’s house. When I was sent to bed I remember waking up and crawling around on the floor for no reason at all.

jasongiambi

8) XXX***TOO EXPLICIT TO TALK ABOUT PUBLICALLY***XXX

9) One time I got home late from New York City when I was doing stand-up comedy and decided instead of driving the 30 minutes it took to get home I would just sleep in my car since I had work the next morning anyway. This wasn’t so much a sleepover as much as it was a cry for help that went ignored. I also hurt my neck trying to sleep.

10) I swear I remember one time when I brought a change of clothes and a sleeping bag over to a friend’s house expecting to sleepover and they kept hinting at me to leave. I can’t remember the particular details, but I remember the feeling of rejection and being reminded that my sleep farts were not welcome in their parent’s basement.

remember-the-time
Comments
  1. Ashley Austrew says:

    #2 & 3 killed me. Sleepovers sometimes contained such awkward moments.

  2. Lily says:

    3 and 7 actually made me lol which is super rare. Crawling on the floor is so great. It makes you feel so small. I love it. I’m sure you’ll end up telling me about 8 because I’m actually pretty curious.

  3. Once again we learn valuable things about your troubled and slightly disturbing childhood…

  4. modeejae says:

    Boy sleepovers are so much different than girl sleepovers.

  5. Addie says:

    Love #3!

    How much does it cost for details behind #8?

    Boys sleepovers at my childhood home and for Bud consisted of sleeping in tents outside. Yay, me!

    • Mooselicker says:

      The price for #8 is not as much as you would think.

      Tents outside is what my family called camping. I don’t think we ever even went onto the yard. We just stayed on the back deck.

  6. I like the concept of this blog. I hadn’t previously thought to write about sleepovers growing up. They do spark interesting conversations. We use to always torment the person who fell asleep first too. If you were going to a sleepover, you slept before so you wouldn’t be that first person…I’ve been that first person. No fun. lol

    Although, I never have been asked if I needed to masturbate before bed to help me sleep. That is a damn considerate friend.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I think tormenting the person who falls asleep first is something that should always continue whether it’s a sleepover or not. The older you get the worse it might be.

      He was indeed very considerate. I probably should have at least pretended to take him up on his offer.

  7. I want to travel back in time and go to your number two. Oh gawd that would be so HAHAHA! I just laugh the hardest when there’s hardcore embarrassment, sorry.

    What happens at 8? TELLTELLTELL

    • Mooselicker says:

      Michael Barbera lucked out in life. His dad hurt his knee on the job and they got really rich.

      Think about the last time your boyfriend slept over. Basically that.

  8. The Waiting says:

    Based on #6, you really need to start an advice column. You could market your common sense to teens who are in real need of it. Also, write #8 and make it password protected. PWEEEEESE?

    • Mooselicker says:

      Sheesh am I the only one who has sleepovers with members of the opposite gender?

      #6 was probably the last time I saw that friend of mine. The strangest thing about this piece is that the stories only revolve around like 5 different people. My social circle was too small.

  9. kelloggs77 says:

    These were hilarious. I think I pretended to sleep at every sleepover I ever went to. Other awkward moments: trying not to notice your friend’s mom’s giant boobies flinging around in her nightgown when she’s making pancakes for you in the morning. And her dad coming out in his boxer shorts and asking who had dreams about New Kids on the Block.

    • Mooselicker says:

      At what age or moment do people lose their ability to feel shame? I want that. I feel shameful about everything. None of my friends ever had hot moms unfortunately. I don’t think any ever made me pancakes either. Son of a bitch I missed out.

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