Breaking news, I am not perfect. The most recent time when I shaved my head, I missed a spot behind my ears. I had to snip it off with some scissors. This is just one of the very few things I have not done perfectly in life.

Instead of putting myself down and listing out all of my imperfections, I am going to list out other people’s imperfections, most notably, imperfections girls have that I kind of like.

Pimple Scars: I wrote a whole post on pimple scars before and how I kind of like them. I know, weird. It’s not the pimple part or anything I like. It’s the scaring. That’s not it either. That makes it sound like I would have sex with Mickey Rourke. Keep in mind pimple scars are not good on everyone. They work best on ethnic girls or Amanda Bynes. They only work well on Amanda Bynes because I think someone needs to sand paper her face a bit she’s turning into such a bitch.

amanda bynes crazy(Me? Obsessed with Amanda Bynes? No! You’re obsessed with my non-existent obsession!)

Alien Shaped Heads: One time I heard one person say to another person, “You’re so pretty! That’s weird because Guatemalans are usually so ugly.” If that isn’t a backhanded insult if I ever heard one. An Alien shaped head is essentially a girl with a big forehead. One of the prettiest girls in my middle school gained weight in high school and her forehead got bigger. One kid I knew called her The Predator. Admittedly, I kind of like these alien shaped head girls. When a girl’s head is too big for her body, I have to get to know her, at the very least to insure my protection once her family invades.

coneheads3(Something like this)

Big Gums: There’s something about Mary, but there is also something about girls with big gums. I saw a girl on a train recently with big gums and huge bags under her eyes. I was getting ready to cut off a testicle to prove to her I was willing to commit. When I say big gums too I mean more in a Miley Cyrus way and less of a Butthead from Beavis and Butthead way. The big gums should rarely come out. When they do though, expect to see my smile.

mr.ed_(The longer I stare at it the more I appreciate Equus)

Shy: Is being shy an imperfection? Probably. Obesity is a disease now so shyness has to be an imperfection. I like shy people in general. It only becomes a problem when they don’t open up when the situation is a comfortable one. I like girls who are initially shy. It shows their insecurities and I have less to be afraid of when I say to her “Don’t just stare at it, eat it” when I get her on all fours. Or all fives. An extra arm or leg is another imperfection I may not mind.

shy girl(Look at her and how shy she is. Everything is left up to the imagination. Or maybe she’s cold. Yeah. I bet it’s the cold)

At Least One Chronic Painful Body Part: I would say my chronic pain comes from my left foot, my left knee, and my left hip. I think they’re all somehow related. It’s not that I want people to suffer, although some I do, but I like the idea of a girl not being able to do something that I can for her. Like a girl with a hurt shoulder will never ask me to play tennis with her. I hate tennis. It’s badminton for pussies.

leg injury(He’s making the right face. He’s not faking. Owww!)

Ditzy/Clumsy: Whoever I end up marrying better die when she steps off a ledge accidentally because she’s that dumb and clumsy. That’s all I have for this.

ditzy-little-miss-ditzy(Why does a ditzy girl have to look like the hemorrhoid in a hat with Cheeze Wiz hair?)

Too Perfect of Posture: Okay, maybe I’m cheating now because I don’t really have anything left and wanted to make this a little longer. I hate girls with no shoulders. Your upper half should not look so box-like. If it does, don’t go sleeveless. Do some wall-slides, whatever those are, or shoulder dislocations, I use an old Swiffer sweeper handle to do mine. Open up those shoulders before I write “fragile” on you then put you up in the attic.

posture(Perhaps he’s leaning forward because he’s afraid his twin brother behind him is going to hit him with a golf club? I don’t know what this has to do with anything. I just like their barbershop quartet hats)

What are some imperfections you like about people of the opposite sex?

  1. I like girls with weird noses, especially the ones with beaklike qualities. I also like some girls who have legit psychological problems, at least because then I can rationalize that it wasn’t my fault things didn’t work out. Are freckles an imperfection? I also like some girls my friends called horsefaced, and i have no idea why. And, a slight muffin top can be sort of cute on the right girl.

    Cisse is such a flopper.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Beaklike noses bug me. Psychological issues are good until you have to clean up after them. Freckles depend on the person but usually are acceptable. Horsefaced girls I agree on. Horses are beautiful creatures. Muffin top on a girl is acceptable. I’d accept them shaped like a wedding cake.

    • Lily says:

      Carter just pretty much described me. Sweet.

  2. SingingTuna says:

    So you’re looking for a slumping, clumsy, goofy, pointy-headed, bumpy-faced achy girl with gums like the Hoover Dam and who’s shy, too? You’re really fussy, Tim.

  3. Oh god, you’re so screwed up. And that head! HAHAHAHAHA!

    I like shy guys for the same reason that you like shy girls. It’s easier to open up to them. Except when they’re more shy than me. That’s going to be uncomfortable. And I like guys with reaaally bad singing voices because I have to be better at at least one thing than he is.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Have you ever noticed in a lot of movies it’s about an introverted guy who gets saved by an extrovert female? That never happens. People are too lazy. I much rather prefer someone I can be a silent observer with, that goes for all types of relationships. Loud people suck.

      Liking a bad singer makes sense to me. I would hate to clearly be the lesser member in a couple.

      • Are you talking about 500 days of Zooey Deschanel’s Bangs? Yeah. Loud people suck, unless you really need someone to do the dirty work for you. You can usually tickle their ego a little bit and your problem is solved!

      • Mooselicker says:

        The movie I actually go back to with this fake theory is The Girl Nextdoor where the quiet nerdy guy has a porn star move in nextdoor and they end up becoming friends then having sex on prom night. No! Stop it. I know there are other examples. Eternal Sunshine is another where there’s a wild girl who breaks the guy out of his shell. It makes sense though. Most of those movies were probably written by quiet guys who always wanted an adventurous girl to do all the work.

      • The Girl Next door, haha! That movie’s sort of a fairytale don’t you think? It was entertaining but it didn’t get me to the point where I believe it could actually happen. I like that part where they make the sex ed video though and become rich because of it. I could barely remember eternal sunshine. Is that the serious Jim Carey movie? Maybe worth a rewatch. And getting a guy out of his shell is only fun at the beginning. The chase part. But not anymore when he becomes such a drag.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Agreed on all parts. I didn’t watch Eternal Sunshine until real recently. At least in that they made the adventurous woman very bitchy and a legitimate problem like most adventurous women actually are.

  4. rossmurray1 says:

    Between this and your last post, your blog has basically become a reference for serial killer profiling. The Equus reference probably isn’t helping, though I was impressed!

    Slight overbites used to do it for me. Jessica Lange back in the day. Dated a girl for a year who looked a lot like her. I know, right?

    • Mooselicker says:

      “He can’t possibly be a serial killer. He knows a play.” Hey, if I can help the cops out any way I can I’m for it.

      I wouldn’t even notice a slight overbite. I would just call it a mouth problem. I like it though. Makes them stand out.

  5. You are not seriously asking us to believe that you are not perfect are you???

  6. I have one requirement. I open the jars in my house. I’m breaking that jar if I can’t get it open. So she better suffer from carpal tunnel.

    As for stranger features. I do not know if anyone mentioned this, but I don’t mind offset eyes.

    It is a cute feature in dogs, but it also applies to woman. Look at Alice Eve for instance. Super sexy, and I dig the heterochromia.

    • Mooselicker says:

      That seems fair enough. I think I know what you mean by offset eyes. I almost don’t mind if one looks a little lazy. Not in a Forrest Whitaker way either. It’s hard describe. Flaws are great.

  7. Lily says:

    You have some extremely questionable preferences. I like how this is titled “Imperfections” when it should really be titled “I will date anyone.”
    Jk that was kind of mean. I was just joking. DONT HATE ME.
    Weird that you like pimple scars. I’m fascinated by them but I don’t think they’re cute. Also big gums scare me. Its fine if you have big teeth too, but a weird tooth to gum ratio can be pretty disturbing.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Low Standards, Desperations, Looking Past Differences, Kind Hearted Human Evaluations, are all alternative titles. Pimple scars aren’t good if they’re read. That means they’re fresh. Grow up red pimple scar person!

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