As I continue to clear out my files of movie reviews I wrote, here’s one I wrote about the film Goon. Goon is the term used for a thug in hockey. I can’t remember if I mention that in the piece. It’s also what the very mean crossing guard on Arthur says will come and get him if he doesn’t pay a fee to cross the street.
My review of the film Goon:
Hockey is a sport that I believe everyone will love if they ever went to a game. I seem to promise a lot of girls that I will take them to a game someday. I never do. Have you seen the prices? It’s a lot easier to watch a movie on Netflix with them instead. So if you’re cheap like me, give Goon a chance.
Goon stars Sean William Scott as a Jewish guy whose dad is Eugene Levy. For fans of the American Pie films, this can be a little confusing. Remember, they are only actors and neither is a documentary, although they pretend Goon is based on a true story which it barely is.
Sean William Scott plays Doug Glatt, a depressed Massachusetts bouncer who feels he has nothing in life to call his own. His older brother and father are successful physicians, his mother is married to a physician, and his best friend Pat has an Internet/cable access show (Does it matter which? Nobody watches either) about the local minor league hockey team. Doug goes to a game where Pat’s taunting of a player on the opposing team causes him to use a gay slur against Pat. Offended by this because his brother is gay, Doug attacks the tough guy hockey player and totally kicks his ass.
As logic would tell you, Doug would be arrested and the player would probably face charges too plus a suspension. Neither happens. Instead Doug is signed to play for the team even though he has no clue how to ice skate. Chris Brown isn’t an asshole, he’s just trying to get a job as a minor league hockey team enforcer.
The players on the team are reluctant to accept Doug’s role as a goon on the team. He beats a bunch of them up at practice and they shut their mouths. Doug is then recruited to player for a higher level minor league hockey team. I guess a comparison to this would be like being the person who cleans up the shit at a hospital then getting a promotion where you clean up the shit of only the wealthy patients.
Doug’s main role on this new team is to protect a star player, Xavier Laflamme. Laflamme suffered an injury at the hands of Ross “The Boss” Rhea, an infamous enforcer who was such a thug he was almost banned from hockey all together. Laflamme is a top goal scorer and only with Doug’s help looking over his shoulder can he get back to the way he was before the injury. In classic fashion, Laflamme dislikes Doug at first, but eventually comes around because what would a movie be if no one grew?
It is while at a bar Doug meets the love interest in the film, Eva. She’s a minor league hockey groupie who is always slutting it up with players. I guess a comparison to this would be like dating someone who lies in a hospital bed shitting themselves then breaking up with them to date someone with money who lies in a bed shitting themselves. The only problem with this seemingly perfect relationship, Eva already has a man in her life. Oh no! Can she keep her legs closed for a minor league hockey goon with a heart of gold?
Much of the film leads to a rivalry between Doug and The Boss. Their teams are set to meet each other in the final game of the season which as it turns out, is for the final playoff spot. The Boss is less interested in winning the game as much as he is letting Doug know he is still the number one goon in hockey.
My opinion on this film is flimsy. It is credited as a comedy, but it’s not really funny at all. Many lines are forced and Sean William Scott, a naturally funny actor, is timid and weak for much of the movie. His usual charm does not shine through in this film which really disappointed me because I always enjoy his work. The positive though is the story is not a typical three act “I read a book on how to write a screenplay” written movie. There are many storylines to interconnect that do make this a fun movie.
As this movie is mostly about hockey goons, I would be a bigger failure than my dad tells me I am if I did not mention them. At times the fights feel a little too cartoonish. The fact they are consistently this way though lets me forgive it. Most hockey fights in real life involve a lot of shirt pulling and square dancing type maneuvers. The fighting in Goon is closer to Street Fighter.
Overall this is a fun film to watch and doesn’t have any of those annoying sports inaccuracies that will make you want to hurt another human being who doesn’t deserve it. Don’t expect the humor of Slapshot or the drama of Miracle. Goon is a much simpler film than those which is just fine. It’s a movie about a guy trying to find something that he’s good at. This is the kind of story we can all relate to, unless of course you absolutely hate everything having to do with hockey. If that’s the case then go watch something stupid like Kicking and Screaming with Will Ferrell you cowardly soccer fan.
Here’s how the first NHL game I ever went to ended. The first hockey game at all I went to was a minor league game so there’s no clips, but it was like this the entire time. Maybe Goon wasn’t so inaccurate after all.