Sometimes I will be somewhere and feel completely out of place. In these situations it would be helpful if I had a t-shirt explaining why I am where I am. I hope you know what I mean though. There is not always the chance to explain to a person why you look so out of place with words. Words on a t-shirt can do the explaining for you. I have decided to create my own t-shirt slogans that I can wear when I go certain places that express completely my feelings and why I am there. Hopefully you can relate to a few and buy them off of me. I guess some aren’t even for me as much as they are for you. I’m so nice.

“I’m not creepy. I just didn’t have anyone else to go to this event with.” – this shirt is to be worn whenever you go somewhere and cannot find anyone to go with you

“Yes, I will probably have sex with you. Smile at me and if I smile back it’s a definitely yes.” – this shirt is to be worn at all times

“Believe it or not I have higher aspirations that what you see me doing right now. In my spare time I work hard to achieve my dreams, but haven’t quite gotten there yet so I’m stuck here.” – this shirt is to be worn while at work

“Please leave me alone. I am a woman and there is a reason I am not making eye contact with you. I left the house to be alone.” – this shirt is to be worn by females whenever they please

“I am going to talk to anyone who acknowledges my existence.” – this shirt is to be worn by socially awkward creepy men who bother everyone

“I’m pussy-whipped.” – this shirt is to be worn by any guy who goes to a club with his girlfriend

“I like sluts.” – this shirt is to be worn by any guy who goes to a club to pick up a girl

“There is nothing wrong with me. The friends you see me with just happen to be in long-term committed relationships, most of them trapped into them for fear of being alone otherwise and I don’t blame them because they are crappy people and I am only still friends with them because I feel obligated to after all of the memories we have shared together.” – this shirt is to be worn when you are a third, fifth, etc. wheel

“I haven’t had time to do laundry because I have a social phobia about going to the Laundromat.” – this shirt is to be worn when you find people laughing at how smelly you are

“If you are attractive feel free to talk to me. If you are unattractive do not talk to me. If you are attractive and I ask you a question, continue the conversation. If you are unattractive and I ask you a question, I only want to know the answer.” – this shirt is to be worn by women while traveling

“I acknowledge we live near each other, but that doesn’t mean I have to like you.” – this shirt is to be worn around neighbors at all times

“Of course I’m not happy. I’m an American.” – this shirt is to be worn while at and on the way to your therapist’s office

“My parents weren’t as good as they could have been, my friends don’t understand me, and I feel very unloved and alone in the world.” – this is actually not a t-shirt but a tattoo I suggest most people get

“It’s my fault, but I don’t care.” – this shirt is to be worn whenever you make a mistake, whether you did it on purpose or not

“I do want to help you. At the same time, I want to do it quickly, exactly the way you told me it would happen, and I fully expect you to do the same for me somewhere down the line.” – this shirt is to be worn whenever a favor is asked of you

“Fuck you.” – this shirt is to be worn whenever you are near someone who is giving you their opinion on a topic

“If I wanted hash browns I would have asked for hash browns. And please, don’t mumble your words when asking me if I want any. I’m going to naturally say no to mumblers.” – this shirt is to be worn by me exclusively every time I go to Dunkin Donuts

Any other ideas?

Comments
  1. “I’m not a socially awkward ugly freak because I’m blogging without showing my face.” – to be worn on the Internet, when I fear people will think I’m a socially awkward ugly freak.

    “Dancing is my passion and I’m good at it, so just enjoy the show instead of judging me.” – whenever I’m randomly dancing without even realizing I’m doing it. In public.

    One of the best ideas ever though!

  2. SingingTuna says:

    Hahaaaa!!! Super!!!
    This one, esp: “Please leave me alone. I am a woman and there is a reason I am not making eye contact with you. I left the house to be alone.” – this shirt is to be worn by females whenever they please”

  3. mindwarpfx says:

    Everyone needs a first, so it can be left farthest behind in pursuit of professionalism: Just a shirt to explain everything to everyone all at the same time or to those girls who only date professionals

    Or one for the attractive girls and the crazy people giving you the look…you know the look? there is—If I wanted some lip I would just wiggle my zipper.

    Or for all of the moochers in your life: Ass, Grass, or Gas, no one rides for free!

    Hay bud, have some fun with those, but send royalties lol

  4. Lily says:

    I liked the “Fuck You” shirt and “this is actually not a t-shirt but a tattoo I suggest most people get.” Perfect.
    There was this really chunky, depressed, angry kid in my English class sophomore year and he would occasionally wear a shirt that said “If you got it, flaunt it.” I was always disgusted yet amsued by it.

    • Mooselicker says:

      This chunky kid sounds like he would be friends with Spencer for some reason. The only better person to wear that shirt might be a kid in a third world country.

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