I had my hopes crushed again this year. For the third year running I entered a sitcom writing contest and was not selected as a finalist. I mean, I must suck, right? There is no other explanation. As I do with every contest I lose, and yes nobody won I just lost, I am making up horrible plot lines for these sitcom scripts that made it to the finals based on only their titles.
An English professor tries to replace the word “in” with commas to save himself time during his busy schedule. An uprising occurs as to whether or not the public will accept this new abbreviation.
Scenes from the Chris Farley comedy of the same name and the horror film about sheep in Scotland killing people are spliced together each week to make up an original program.
A comedy about the life of the Menendez Brothers. We open to a shot of them both getting molested with a tennis racket.
In the small town of Chimney Creek, Arkansas lives a woman with a demonic possession. She shits everywhere and takes the Lord’s name in vain. Stars Marlee Matlin as the demonically possessed woman.
Art student Josie Poontang and street magician Lyle Toilet open up a shop in midtown Cheyenne, Wyoming to allow creative people to come and join them each week. In the second episode Josie dies and becomes a ghost with a chain-smoking problem.
Sandra Oliver has a big chest. Then she gets cancer and has to have one removed. Now she is down to one D-Cup breast.
Evil Blond Kid
Dennis the Menace.
A fictitious version of the last days of Napoleon Bonaparte and how he spent them chasing broads and not being able to reach high things. Alternate title, “The Small Dicked Frenchman.”
The Good Samaritan’s Club
A comedy about the gang violence between The Good Samaritan’s Club and the more popular First Wive’s Club. Receives the first NC-17 rating for a television show because of how violent it is and how they kill animals each week, for real.
Internet bloopers show about people accidentally falling into volcanoes.
After a miscarriage, thought to be mother Janice Spredlegs gets pregnant again, this time by her father! They name the child after the baby they lost, but to differentiate between the two during conversation, they add the #2 to the end.
Pilgrim Peter Washington is the first gay pilgrim. He wants to start a “Man Fest” but due to his speech impediment he starts a manifest, whatever that is.
Tennis legend Eric Von Beerdrinker is down on his luck and just find out he his ex-wife has given him HIV. He sets out to systematically destroy her life throughout the series, with many humorous roadblocks along the way.
The chronicles of five hobos, one of whom lies about being a war veteran, and all of the places they urinate in the park.
In a world without conflict, nothing happens and everyone kills themselves because they are so bored. The series begins when nobody is no longer around and nothing continues to happen.
Con-artist Nicholas Obama is jealous of his brother, fictional character and United States President Larack’s success. He decides to became a pool lifeguard. The only problem is he’s black and has to face a lot of prejudice along the way.
It’s Power Rangers, but with mothers. At the end of each episode they form a human pyramid then their backs hurt so they stop.
Reject – A Recruiting Comedy
Nothing funny ever happens because you shouldn’t put “comedy” in the title of a comedy. It’s like people who have “funny” in their Twitter name. No you’re not.
A website for Roman sex slave trafficking opens up. The only person who can stop it is bumbling detective and former NFL quarterback, Zed Pill. Along with his trusted sidekick and former teammate and Native American and gay lover Ike Runs With Bear, they try to stop it.
Amish kids go on Rumspringa. The show is great until it gets old and we realize there are too many shows about the Amish already.
Third and a Mile
Buddies Billy, Niles, and Wesley love going out and picking up girls then sharing them. Wesley is always the third one to bang the girl. The problem is, he always finds himself a mile away! Can he get there in time before she sobers up?
We’re Not Your Parents
A school of abusive teachers hit and punish children emotionally and physically while reminding the children they have no need to be nice to them, they are not their parents.
What Goes Up…
The first show about astronauts. In the first season finale we get a comedic look at the Challenger explosion and the impatient workers who had to clean up the mess all in the name of science.
Works in Progress
Each week the show is presented in a “Choose Your Own Adventure” format. Will you enter the cave or will you stay at home and get fatter? Find out never!
Yellow Pine Pride
A gang of public urinators are recruited by the government to stop public poopers because pooping in public is worse than peeing. It takes place somewhere in the Northwest, hence the “pine” part. Actor Chris Pine is also in it. He’s known for having urine that smells like Pinesol as well. His character, not the guy.