I recently got a new job. Technically this was the second job I have ever gotten, the first where nepotism was in no way involved. In fact, I didn’t know anywhere there. I didn’t even know the name of the company when I got a phone call about coming in. Without getting too into detail about the job so you can’t hunt me down and have sex with me at work, I get to sit at a desk while petting dogs all day. How great is that? I have other duties too like posting cute animal pictures on Facebook and running the business aspect of the business. I am very modest, but I can in all honesty say if I were to decide to just leave this business that it would fall apart. Admittedly, the power makes me much more obnoxious around others.

The new job requires me to wake up early, walk a lot, and commute on the train to get there. The train is unfortunately too ass-to-ass crowded that I can’t really do much except sniff other people’s armpits. Worse yet, my phone loses service halfway through the trip once we go underground. I’m left with doing the one thing I can do on my phone, making notes.

Each opportunity I get to make these clever notes I plan to make lists. One day while traveling I made a list of lists to make. The first list I made was possible punk rock band names. The real key to a good punk rock band name is to be offensive, in your face, and a little bit ironic. Looking off my phone, here is the list of possible names for my non-existent band. The majority of these were just the most offensive things I could think of without being openly vicious, or sometimes I forgot how to filter myself.

paramore(I’m using this picture in hopes it will annoy at least one person because they will think I consider Paramore a punk band)

-The Young Career Women

-The 9/11 Hijackers

-Remind the Teacher About the Homework

-The Flatchested Hooters Waitresses

-Europeans Traveling Abroad

-Fans of Michael Vick

-That Guy Who Doesn’t Call You Back

-Your Funny Fat Friend

-Adam Sandler Movies

-Pack of 20-Year-Old Italians

-The Newton Shooting Cover-Up

-The Columbine Class of ’99 Orchestra

-DMV

-The Confident Fat Guys in Drag

-Pre-Op Tranny

-Sibling Sexual Tension

-Willem Dafoe’s Face

-Uterus Cyst

-George Zimmerman Hero Fund

-Fox News

-Jesus Christ Wasn’t Real

-Untitled Madea Movie

-Chimney Dildos

-Adam Walsh Head of Lettuce

-Sex in Marriage

-Hysterectomy Repeats Itself

-Betting Pete Rose’s Life

-The John Lennon Bulletproof Foreheads

-Smashmouth Coverband

-Mustache Food

-The Sandusky Kids

-My Big Fat Greek Foreskin

-Drunk Driving Accident with the Prom Queen

-Cigarettes for Your Health

-Kony

-Public Bowel Movement

-Semi-Faked Orgasm

-Friend Zone 4 Life

-Bruised Testicles

-The Black Son-in-Laws

-Abe Lincoln Poo

-Felching for More

What would your incredibly offensive/grotesque/never able to join the mainstream because of its name punk rock band go by?

Comments
  1. They pay you to pet dogs? Are you sure?

  2. I like the reason why you put that picture there :).
    Pretty offensive names yes! You could name those dogs like that and watch the faces of yuor colleagues.

  3. You’re forgetting The Poop That Won’t Come Out!

  4. The Waiting says:

    Uterus Cyst could have totally opened for Black Flag back in the day.

  5. […] so that’s what this evil being said when I asked for his smug suggestion about sharing this […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s