Overanalyzing Birthday Greetings

Posted: October 20, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I received a birthday card at work with autographs of all of my coworkers on it. Whenever people write something personal I try to think if there is a hidden meaning in the words they choose. Let’s examine.

“Happy Birthday Tim!!” – Pretty simple. The two exclamation points feels lazy to me though. Go with 1 or 3.

“Happy Birthday Tim- You have Have a fantastic day” – Clearly he got stuck in the middle of what he was writing. A little bit of scribbling and now I have confirmation that he does not think things out. At least he didn’t write “Happy Birthday! Too many more” like he did on someone else’s card once, completely changing the meaning by using the wrong to/too/two.

“Happy Birthday mate! Have fun with the dogs” – The mate was added in as a reminder that he’s English or Australian. I’m not sure which it is and I feel like I will be laughed at if I ask.

“Happy Birthday, Tim. Let it be so good that it’ll force you to compare it to your favorite 90s alt song.” – This was an attempt at humor and a reference to something else. Let’s ignore what it was a reference to because that would take too long and complicate things. What he should have done to be funny was use different titles from 90s alternative songs. He should have said “Happy Birthday Tim. I hope it’s so ‘good’ that you get ‘laid’ by ‘two princes.’ I want to ‘praise you’ like I should.” or something like that, maybe even mentioning Possum Kingdom in some way. I just want to point out the difference between being clever with a reference and just referencing for the sake of.

“Happy Birthday Tim! Libra’s Rule! XO” – Whoa! An XO? That means kiss and hug? Somebody wants to hug and kiss me, right? She also signed her first name followed by her last initial. Is she trying to remain mysterious? I already know her last name, but maybe she thinks I’m too stupid to retain information. She wants me to ask her what the letter stands for. Do you want to know what the weirdest thing is? Her birthday was not too long ago and I almost wrote something very similar, but didn’t because I feel like we have too awkward of a relationship to ever acknowledge we are two individuals. I forget what I wrote on her card. Something like “You intimidate me because you are attractive and actually a nice person. What’s your fucking deal?”

“Happy B-Day Mr. Tim. Thanks for joining the team and being so amazing. XO” – Another hug and kiss and I’m an amazing person? Well, tickle me pink I have an admirer.

But wait!!! That last one was written by a male. What. The. Fuck.

Until the XO at the end it’s fine and what he usually calls me. Amazing is his word he uses so that’s perfectly fine. It’s the XO I’m obsessing over. He wants to kiss and hug me??? No. Please. Stop. Does he even know what that means??? I really hope he was drafting out a football play and got lazy after drawing one offensive and one defensive player. What is wrong with this guy? I mean, I understand I am easy to love and all, but…just…no. I didn’t even realize he wrote that until a day too late to feel awkward around him. Maybe I’m thinking into this too much. Or maybe I’m so beloved that two people want to kiss and hug me.

Comments
  1. XO is so weird indeed.
    Where have you been hiding actually?

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    What would Happy Birthday, Tim! :-), followed by my name say? Sans XOXO….sorry workplace rules and all that. 😉

    • Mooselicker says:

      That would be something about being too timid to be adventurous. I usually go with that. I like to be the first to sign cards so I don’t have to think of anything clever. It really says a lot about people’s relationships with each other what they write. I never get anything too good on mine.

  3. Lily says:

    Haha he probably just saw what other people wrote and copied the XO from the other girl and was horrified after he realized what he wrote.
    That’s cute that they wrote you a card!

  4. You are putting way more thought into this than any of those people did… notice I used 3 periods… I am not lazy…

  5. I would have drawn a penis in there.

  6. Luddy's Lens says:

    Aw, be gentle with the poor little homely guy. Maybe he is intimidated by your attractivity and niceness.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I think I only dislike him because he never learns his lessons. I’m always nice to him and whenever I raise my voice he backs off. It’s like dealing with a….I should back off before I say something too mean.

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