Posted: December 31, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Out of being a dick and sheer uncreativity, I stole this survey from Lily and decided to fill it out myself.

  • 1:What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? Said “thank you.”
  • 2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No. I traded it for a Pete Rose rookie card only to realize it was Pete Rose Jr. I got. Read the fine print people!
  • 3:Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. There’s a pregnant woman lying a few feet away from me giving birth right now and pleading for my help. I’m only on #3 though.
  • 4:Did anyone close to you die? The pregnant woman I was too busy to help 😦
  • 5:What countries did you visit? Someone accidentally gave me a Canadian quarter so that sort of counts.
  • 6:What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? Friendship. Love. Less farts.
  • 7:What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The really big one I found in my date and raisin oatmeal. I posted it on Twitter and got a retweet it was so ginormous.
  • 8:What was your biggest achievement of the year? Rescuing a baby from oncoming traffic.
  • 9:What was your biggest failure? Being the one who threw the baby into traffic during a temper tantrum.
  • 10:Did you suffer illness or injury? The baby’s dad beat me up pretty bad.
  • 11:What was the best thing you bought? Financial security by not buying anything I didn’t really need. Oh and a pair of large novelty sunglasses.
  • 12:Whose behavior merited celebration? Whoever sold that dead guy from Glee the drugs. One at a time…
  • 13:Whose behavior made you appalled? Mine for insulting poor dead celebrities for throwing away their talents and then overdosing on drugs despite having the potential do something good for the world.
  • 14:Where did most of your money go? To fund terrorism.
  • 15:What did you get really, really, really excited about? Death’s cold breath which creeps up on the back of our neck’s each year.
  • 16:What song will always remind you of 2013? “2013” by Bowling for Soup. They’ve pretty much filled the market for songs about every year.
  • 17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Emotionless, skinny-fat, on a bartering system.
  • 18:What do you wish you’d done more of? Sexual reassignment therapy.
  • 19:What do you wish you’d done less of? Stealing coworker’s lunches and then blaming it on the fat girl who blamed and forced to quit.
  • 20:How did you spend Christmas? I had 4 Christmases like that Vince Vaughn movie. Mine weren’t as much fun. 3 were spent crying.
  • 21:Did you fall in love in 2013? Cannot compute.
  • 22:What was your favorite TV program? Anything with Victoria Justice. So Victorious. That’s the only thing she’s on…
  • 23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes. I met a few new people this year.
  • 24:What was the best book you read? How to Live with a Micropenis by (insert your name here)
  • 25:What was your greatest musical discovery? Uncle Kracker
  • 26:What did you want and get? A terminal illness.
  • 27:What did you want and not get? The fame and popular that comes with having a terminal illness. I just feel weak!
  • 28:What was your favorite film of this year? I only saw one movie that came out this year so by process of elimination it has to be He’s Way More Famous Than You.
  • 29:What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Mango float.
  • 30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Trying not to look fat, trying not to have stains, sexually confused metrosexual lumberjack.
  • 31:What kept you sane? 12 doses of “forget it all” pills.
  • 32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The cat from the Fancy Feast commercials. I mean, who’s fancier?
  • 33:What political issue stirred you the most? When Obama wanted to eat all of the white people.
  • 34:Who did you miss? If I say it out loud then they might come back and that’s not good.
  • 35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013. You can get pregnant if you do it standing up in a pool, so convince her to open up the butt.
  • 36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Her placenta falls to the floor.” – Live, Lightning Crashes
  1. Addie says:

    Tim. TimTimTim.

    Never change.

  2. 1.Number 29 is heaven.
    2.Your favorite song lyrics should be the line next to, “I’m a worm, I’m a sandcastle”…
    3.I like your tags.
    4.There is no number four.

  3. Lily says:

    I love that you did this, and I love how much you showed mine up. I could’ve used you mentioning my name a couple more times, but I guess this is pretty good and funny.

    You should’ve put that your biggest accomplishment was becoming Author Tim Boyle.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I became author Tim Boyle in 2012 actually. Man doesn’t that make us feel like we’ve really wasted our time?

      I used to do surveys like this on MySpace all of the time. It’s the only thing I miss about life.

      • Lily says:

        Hah yeah we’ve held onto blogging and these terrible almost-jokes about being an author for too long. But I love it.

        I used to do surveys like this on Myspace as well. Didn’t we all? Memories of Myspace are bittersweet…

      • Mooselicker says:

        Bittersweet? What was bad about MySpace other than people hurting your feelings. Facebook is too “positive” at least on the surface. Yuck. Author Author Tim Boyle Author has spoken.

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