I was asked at work to put on ad on Craigslist for two positions. We got 110 replies. I estimate half didn’t follow directions. I clearly said place your resume and cover letter in the body of the email and most of these idiots included an attachment. To these people I replied with a severe rejection in PDF format.

PDF-300x300(Did you know if you look at the Adobe Acrobat symbol upside down it looks like Abraham Lincoln?)

I will probably go into this further at some point when I have the opportunity because there was so much stupid. However, here is the best I have seen so far.

Applicant 1:

Girl sent a really lengthy list of why she would be perfect for the job. She didn’t include a resume or cover letter, just a laundry list of why she would be perfect. Then she sent another email with an attachment with the same stuff, this time including a picture of her face where she was barely smiling.

Applicant 2:

hi,
I LOVE DOGS!!

i am a photographer and a filmmaker w lots of sales / serving and dealing w people experience …
we had 5 dogs growing up and rumor has it when i left dad replaced me w another pup 🙂

i would prefer administrative role!
more on my experience and resume below –
 
Summary of Qualifications
 
  • 4 years sales and customer service experience
  • Excellent communication skills
  • POS Experience
  • Punctual and Reliable
  • Fluent in English
  • Friendly and outgoing personality

The poor writing, short-hand, and the trying to be too cute is a major turn-off. Not to mention, they have experience as a Piece of Shit (POS Experience). I’m also happy they let me know they are fluent in English which I had my doubts about. They also sent this from a Canadian email address.

Applicant 3:

As a recent [college] graduate, I would like to fill the position of Administrative Assistant.  I have an efficient amount of management and clerical experience and I am positive that I would be able to contribute to this facility.  It was recommended that I apply to this agency. After reading about the agency, I am equally interested in the position.  I have a B.A in Psychology and am looking to start a career.  
        My written and oral communicative skills have definitely grown not only from my educational background but also from my experiences in the workplace.  It is important to have these skills for this position because communicating with people is a large part of the job.  I believe that I am able to handle any of the issues that may arise while on the job.  I am a very fast learner and will be able to put what I learn into action.  I am proficient in Microsoft programs such as word, excel , and powerpoint.  
 
There’s a lot wrong here. First, the use of agency when we are not an agency. Overall this is very unimpressive and reads like a 3rd grade essay written in blood with the last ounce of strength the child may have. Also, please capitalize the program names in the last sentence.
 
Finally, the applicant finished this off with saying the most ridiculous thing imaginable…
 
I do require a starting salary of $30,000 a year.
 
^^^^^^ENTITLEMENT^^^^^^^
 
And I apologize to anyone who may have broken their computers while holding it upside down to see Abraham Lincoln’s face.
Comments
  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Good luck finding a qualified candidate. Yikes.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I think we’re going to hire a guy that was supposed to show up at 11, called at 11:15 and said he would be there at 11:30. I thought there were a lot of qualified candidates out there???

  2. rae333 says:

    I would like to state for the record that I find it highly irritating when places ask for you to include your resume in the email and not as an attachment. Being a designer, I have a stylized resume that loses all formatting when copy/pasted. It makes the whole thing useless.That being said, hire none of these people. In fact, burn their information.

    • Mooselicker says:

      By information I hope you mean genitals.

      When applying for designer jobs though they may accept attachments more. We’re just looking for someone to pretty much pick up dog poop.

  3. I would like to a position in your organization, because I have skills in the organizations areas, such as organizations, organizing, organs, organisms, orgasms, orgies and organic gardening. Thanks for you to be hiring my soon!

  4. thehobbler says:

    Man, you’re picky! Sounds like you have some great applicants.

  5. mindwarpfx says:

    Love it. I have had similar experiences in this area. The best one I got was they believed they were some what over qualified do to education. But they still applied and requested 40k to start. I replied back…telling them that their education was impressive, but that didn’t entitle them to squat, the expectance level was to limited and besides 40k was out of the question. Another guy I know hired him only to find out some months later he was a illegal immigrant and was deported. Lol for effort made though. Nice post, will be back. CYA later

  6. Hire me – I require a starting salary of $50K – and I don’t like following directions. I’d be perfect.

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