Nursery Rhyme Obituaries

Posted: April 20, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Wow I have not put anything up here all month. I have been super busy–with what I’m not quite sure. I still write a ton for Yahoo Voices and in the last month or so they have been paying pretty decently for me to say things like “Hey, this person was on this TV show, betchya didn’t know that!” The limited time I have had to write has been spent trying to make money and since WordPress offers me nothing except for limited emotional satisfaction my focus has been elsewhere.

There is actually some real effort in this blog post. These are a few obituaries I have written based on different nursery rhymes.


Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet

Decided to snuff it,

Getting out of her debt she saw no way.

She lit herself on fire with a lighter,

And could not be saved by a firefighter,

The funeral is scheduled for Monday.

Jack Be Nimble

Jack was no longer nimble,

Jack was no longer quick,

Jack’s life was over

When he was diagnosed with ALS and became very sick.

Little Bo Peep

Little Bo Peep passed away in her sleep

Family contacts, nobody knows where to find them.

Leave the body alone, they’ll eventually come home

She had a lot of money in her savings account.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty got a phone call

Humpty Dumpty was told he had cancer on his ball.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Will be attending Mr. Dumpty’s funeral next weekend.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill, the State Prison will kill

For drowning their child in water.

Jack was put down, with a blunt hit to his crown

And Jill was killed soon after.

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Your tags are just as funny as the rhymes…sneezing…leonardo dicaprio’s wife. I’m hell. Go Flyers.

  2. Lauri says:

    And you deserve to get paid for writing!

  3. Cafe says:

    Haha! Funny stuff, Mr Moose 😉 Wow, is this the longest streak of not blogging? Well, I’m sure you’re being very productive with yourself (even though you’re not sure quite what you’ve been doing …) Still good to see you around these parts 😉

  4. SingingTuna says:

    …”limited emotional satisfaction…”
    HAAAA! We try. You know we try.
    But there’s nothing quite like $$$. Nothing.

    Just PLEASE don’t do an obit for this blog. Even if you aren’t here-here, at least know know you’re out there somewhere, and, like tree pollen on a windy day, you might just drift our way. Someday.


  5. I like obits. :3 I especially like burnt Muffet and Jack and Jill baby killers. Jill should be beheaded in that last line though.

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