This is me writing everything that happened on my train ride home from work yesterday.
I’m writing this with the ultimate train creep inches away from me. I’d guess at our closest point, which may actually be our dicks, that only two feet of putrid train air separates us.
A black man with a small frame and a child’s face stepped between us. Maybe it is a kid. It’s his suit throwing me off. I catch a glance at his phone. He’s playing Tetris. For how crowded this train gets, I’m guessing its practice for before we transfer.
The creep continues to read. I see him a lot on the train. Like me, he hides in the corner. If I believed in a Middle Eastern God and had dead eyes like him I swear we could be best friends.
Sometimes we make eye contact on the train. It’s very uncomfortable too. He never looks away. I have never seen him with a book before today. Could this be a new learned skill of his?
My stomach doesn’t hurt even though I have consumed about 7 small sandwiches only about 2-3 hours earlier. I have also drank nothing but coffee. Yes I’m sweating but I thought it was because I’m wearing so many layers and according to my body mass index, I am severely overweight at 175 pounds.
The creep is watching the Tetris game that the black kid/man is playing. He got bored and looked away and back to his awful non-English book. Now the black guy is looking at the book wondering what game it is.
An older black man is near us too. He has huge pants. I think it’s MC Hammer. I should befriend someone, shout “I love you MC Hammer”, and then ask my new friend of he looked. Fuck he got off at Newport.
Why is everyone so fat? A fat guy in a red shirt just got on the train. He’s not offensively huge. He’s fat where you’d expect him to joke about it with friends. I don’t think he has any. I can hear his iPod and the music sucks. Nobody wants a friend with bad taste in music.
I can only see one woman on this train. I thought there were two but one was an adult Asian man.
The creep me be getting off. Nope. But the black guy did. He had to say “excuse me” twice to the fat guy in red. So polite of him to admit to farting not once but twice. I am glad he waited until he was ready to exit.
For a second it felt like my wallet was missing. It’s there. My ass is just too flat to fill out these pants.
Fuck a baby is crying. My transfer is almost here. I have internet service again so I’m going to keep uploading my Facebook page and see nothing new.