Former Fatties

Posted: December 20, 2014 in Uncategorized
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There are a lot of things I am afraid to admit to others. One thing I am never afraid to admit is that I am a former fatty. When people look at me now they cannot imagine me obese. How could this slouchy shouldered, bad postured, girly forearmed guy have once been fat? I probably bring it up way too often to people, especially new ones I meet because losing weight is indeed something to be proud of. I was on a path to die in my 30s of a heart attack or eating myself to death after seeing how far away the fridge was. As proud as anyone should be when they drop a lot of weight, some people take it to a point where it becomes annoying. We all overcome obstacles and many of us are better people later on in life because we grew up struggling. There is a line that some former fat people cross where their actions are less inspiring and more irritating than anything else.

1) Remind You About It

Every once in a while is fine. When I say every once in a while too I mean it should happen once unsolicited with each person and thereafter should only come up in conversation when it’s related. Some former fat people seem to bring up their weightloss all of the time. I like to live by the theory that I may have been the person to lose the weight, but I was also the idiot who never could figure out how to put down a box of donuts. It’s like saving someone from a fire you started. There’s far less to be proud about.

2) Show You Pictures

I know more than six people who carry around, either in their wallets or on their phones, pictures of themselves when they were fat. I probably know eight people in total so that’s a pretty high percentage. There are approximately two pictures that exist of me from age 13-16, at my highest weight. The rest of those few pictures were destroyed because I don’t want to be reminded of how great eating a ton of food is, something those pictures might do. If people don’t believe me that I used to be fat then that’s their fault for having trust issues. If they must be convinced I’m sure there’s a stretchmark somewhere on my body that can act as some hard proof, or in my stomach’s case, mushy proof.

3) Act As If They Are Really Good-Looking Now

Most people will lose weight and become better looking, especially when it’s a large amount that needed to come off. While they may look better, they still don’t always look good. This happened to me when I first lost weight. I assumed I was a “stud muffin express” when really I was just a smaller version of my former self. Former fat people need to be reminded that life doesn’t end after they drop the weight. We need to remind them that there is still work to be done and not to get too cocky. They are still the same boring person they were 100 pounds ago.

4) Let Their Insecurities Hinder Your Life

Living a healthy life is great. When your lifestyle affects those around you, like you can only go to certain restaurants because you still have issues being around food, it becomes a problem. There is no way ice cream can ever be in my apartment without me emptying it out within the first hour it gets there. I know that, but I never disallow others to eat ice cream around me. The worst part is when the former fat person either must go to a certain restaurant or their schedule doesn’t work with yours because it’s during their fasted cardio session or whatever dumb fad they are into that week. Insecurities should never change the lives of others. This makes people not like you and then the made-up fears in your head will be true.

5) Offering You Advice

One former fat kid in my high school tried giving me the advice that I should never eat potatoes unless I eat meat with it too. This was terrible advice because first of all I didn’t ask for it and second of all I would never ask him for advice about anything because as a person he was below average. There is an art to reading people and whether or not they are too afraid to ask for help, which many are and will probe you to do so. Offering forceful advice out of the blue almost always is met with a negative reaction. People will ask how you lost the weight and that’s when you go into your giant explanation and share your story like it’s an episode of Oprah.

If you are someone who lost a lot of weight be proud and be modest. Nobody likes a showoff. Keep bragging about your accomplishments and you will eventually become the people you hated most.

jared_fogle

(Everybody’s favorite former fatty, Steve Bartman)

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