On my birthday last week I rode a plane. *bloop bloop* – the sound a plane makes, not a fart (although I did do that)
I am officially an adult now. My penis is an adult size (at least compared to yours) and I am traveling the world doing adult things (like lying about my penis size to make you feel horrible).
Now at 28-years-old (which is dead in dog years) I made a very stupid decision. I decided to invest a lot of time into another human being rather than myself. I also spent money!!! to get there along with a plane ride that took approximately 24 hours away from my life I will never get back.
I’m writing this from the Philippines. It is one of those weird countries that has a “the” in front of it to differentiate between all of the other similarly named countries like “A Philippines” and “That Philippines.” This is “The Philippines” because they want to be the top dog among the nations named after Phil.
I’ll write more extensively about this life changing journey. I am envied for immersing myself in the culture over the last week–or at least I’m told so by my wonderful, lovely tour guide. I saw everything from security guards at fast food restaurants with shotguns guarding the napkins from the bad guys. Bad guys fucking love napkins. They are bad guys because they have such dirty hands that need cleaning with napkins so they’re always going into fast food joints taking them all. I also saw dogs pooping on the street like a boss and nobody seemed to give a shit (pun partially intended).
This was the longest I have spent away from home in a long time and only the second time I have ever left the United States in my short yet getting longer miserable life. But is it really going to stay so miserable?
I’ll surely add more about this adventure here or somewhere else. For some quickie satisfaction though, you can read another perspective about the week from the person I spent it with.