Posts Tagged ‘cartoons’

I spent a good portion of yesterday doing things most people don’t normally do on Memorial Day. I didn’t barbecue, I didn’t salute a flag, and the best thing I ate was probably a plain tortilla out of a bag. Instead of conforming to the American Way, I decided to start doing my own comic strip. It’s very simple to do and feeds a creative need to tell a story and get it out there for everyone to see. I’ll probably do a few every week since they’re real simple to do and I enjoy them. Ignore the extra space since I’m cropping these in Paint so you don’t have to click a thousand links. The serious is called Held Back, based partially on something else I wrote but not really.

Held Back: Homecoming Date Part 1 & Part 2

homecoming p1 edited

homecoming p2 edited

Held Back: No Running in the Hall

no running in the hall edited

Held Back: The Faculty Bathroom

faculty bathroom edited

Held Back: Trip to the Art Museum

art museum trip

Held Back: Guess Who I Am

guess who i am edited

Held Back: The Joy of Babysitting

joy of babysitting edited

Held Back: Holiday Plans

holiday plans

Held Back: The Old Cynic

old cynic edited

Held Back: My First Time

first time edited

As already stated, I’ll post anything new I create up on here every so often. For access to the website or to be current and see them before anyone else you can visit my profile and have at it.

Here is the second episode of Stick Prison. I’m honestly a little disappointed with the results, not that it’s completely terrible or anything. I just liked the first episode more and the voices hurt my throat too much this time around. I also realized a major error that would take me 3 hours to fix. It doesn’t affect the story so screw you guys I’m not fixing it. The third episode I have planned will be epic and awesome. Now to get the motivation to do it. My focus has been elsewhere the last two weeks, but I will get around to it at some point. Anyhow, enjoy. If you missed the first episode you can find it here: Stick Prison

STICK PRISON graffiti

Incase you have been living under a rock or live in a nation that is still recovering economically ever since Genghis Khan came through and haven’t had time to pay attention, Lily in Canada and I have started a new blog together in which we will discuss different Kid’s Shows. Since both of us are 90s kids born 4 days apart we have pretty much seen every television show created for children that has come out in the last 25 years. I’ll admit, this was all Lily’s idea. She’s the Mark Zuckerberg and I’m those creepy twins in this project. If this new blog is anything like any other blog anyone has ever created, I’m thinking after only two posts I’m well on my way to becoming rich and famous.

My first article I have written about is Batman: The Animated Series which was probably a poor choice unless you’re a guy ages 22-26. Wait until I write about Gargoyles, then you will really have no interest.

This blog will also continue to remain active, of course, since I have more to talk about than children’s shows. Not much more, but I do have a few other things left to say. Enjoy the superblog and be sure to let us know any suggestions you may have for shows you would like covered. Thanks and now go back to doing what you do.

 

“A religion is only as good as its holy land is fertile.” – John P. Higgins, Philosopher/Homeless Man

Okay, John P. Higgins is a made up name. I thought the name sounded reputable. John usually makes us think of someone boring. The P. in the middle shows that he’s scholarly and possibly shares the same name with someone else in his field. The Higgins part of the name was chosen because it’s obscure enough, yet sounds very much like that of a WASP. You’d have to be an idiot to make up a name like that!

The Philosopher/Homeless Man part was just my way of saying that they are no different. Homeless Men really are the greatest modern-day philosophers. They have all day to pontificate and do other things that they don’t know the meaning of or how to spell.

I am not homeless. That still does not mean that I cannot come up with new ideas. I have the time. Today’s idea isn’t so much an idea as much as it is a SIMPLE OBSERVATION!!! It’s about Holy Lands and what they mean in modern times.

The most famous Holy Lands are in the Middle East. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, are three of the biggest. There are those other little religions that pop up all over the place. The Sunnis, the Sh’ites (really?), and a few others that I have heard about but know nothing about. This isn’t about those counterculture religious rebels so forget about them for now.

A lot of these Holy Lands are in that central location because that’s where humanity began. Some of the first civilizations were built there and from them came our earliest religions. I’m not an expert on this topic so I will stop trying to name facts. My knowledge of that time period really starts with how the Sumerians invented irrigations and how Fred Flinstone’s boss was Mr. Slate. Early history bores me. It’s all “well we don’t really know, but taking into account blah blah blah.” They don’t even know how the pyramids were built. Why bother learning about it? All they can say is “here are some giant stone buildings that we don’t really know the purpose of or how they were built” then gaze at the students awkwardly.

(In the 1950’s all villains and bad people wore glasses)

The problem with having so many Holy Lands in the same space is that it causes a lot of problems. So many of the wars that go on in the Middle East is over territory for ownership of the property where something may or may not have happened. I don’t know why you need to stick a flag pole wherever it was that your deity died at. Isn’t your God so much bigger than one town? Isn’t he with you always? Does he not control the universe? And once you get that land, what do you do with it? Open up a theme park? Lots of people died for ownership of the Holy Land in the Middle East. There were about a dozen Crusades or something. All of those knights on the European side and all of the Muslims on the defensive side died because they thought that two different versions of the same story happened on the same fucking blades of grass. It’s insane! I used to think that knights were so awesome. Then I found out that all they were doing was slaughtering other human beings for a fucking mug that Jesus drank out of. Fuck you and your holy grail Lancelot. No wonder you shits had to make up dragons to seem more daring.

The Holy Lands of the Middle East are by far the most violent. It’s because the biggest and most influential religions claim ownership of that territory. Then there are a few more Holy Lands that are a lot less appealing. Take the Amish for instance. Their Holy Land is in Lancaster Pennsylvania. Nobody wants to take over this landmass. You have to take a Septa train to get there and they’re always on strike anyway. I applaud the Amish for choosing such an uninteresting location to call home. They never have to fear an invasion from an enemy religion. It’d be so easy to take over too. The Jews should just give up on defending Israel from their surrounding enemies and make their location to Lancaster. Once night hits, the Amish are fucked.

Mormons are the other silly religion whose Holy Land lies in America. They call their home in a big useless state called Utah. It’s where D.B. Cooper buried his money, according to Prison Break. This was another great choice of a location to set up. Utah is too far away from California for anyone to even notice it exists. They have one giant lake in it, but it’s filled with salt. Woopie! What a lousy state that is. Their capital is named after that crap lake. That’s when you know nobody great has ever been born there. When you name your capital after a giant mass of water that is undrinkable. The only thing worse would be if it was filled with Seltzer. God, I hate that stuff.

(I hate Seltzer so much that instead of putting a picture of that, here’s a picture of Brian Setzer. It’s Jump-Jivin!)

Finally there are the rest of the religions around the world. Taoism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Hinduism, all of them. They don’t get a bad wrap for being violent because nobody else wants their Holy Land. If all of a sudden all the Cajuns who believe in Voodoo discover that their origins lie in Beijing, shit is going to get violent. It’s not fair to judge a religion on how violent it is. They’re all violent really. You may think Buddhists are peaceful, but wait until their land gets taken from them. We’ll see how passive those bald hippies really are.

Cartoons

Posted: September 12, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , ,

You live in a world where you can go to Google Images, type in your favorite cartoon character’s name followed by the word “naked” and yield results. It’s true. Try it. Isn’t that sick? I bet you never thought you’d see Buzz Lightyear doing that.

I can’t remember the first time I stumbled upon this artwork. I do remember the first picture I saw. It was one of Marge Simpson breast-feeding and Bart sitting next to her pleasuring himself to it. Marge was angry. Justifiably so. That couch they have in their living room is too nice to have naked 10 year old boy ass on it.

The strangest thing about this phenomenon that seems to be sweeping the nation is that none of our favorite cartoon characters ever seem to be partaking in traditional sex acts. There’s always a thumb in someone’s butt and they’re filled with incest. I guess if you get turned by seeing Snow White in the front of a train of dwarfs, it won’t bother you very much to see Jasmine from Aladdin going down on her tiny fat father. And when I say tiny and fat I’m not talking about his body. He’s hung like a mini-Coke can.

I wonder though, who draws these pictures? Are they people like you and me? Unless there is one guy out there, one very talented yet sick individual, there must be an entire community of people who sketch these pictures for our viewing pleasure. Some of them I’m sure have families. Loving wives and troubled teenaged kids. Yet their one true talent must remain hidden from the world. It takes a certain skill to be able to draw a Princess in a lesbian love affair with a Mermaid.

This little niche community must go into hiding though because of those among us who persecute them. We say it’s sick and wrong. But really, who is being hurt? Unlike pornography with real people, no women are being degraded. No diseases are being spread. No child is being humiliated years later when friends discover what his mom did to afford her sweet car. The only line that can be drawn with this is if there are children involved. I don’t know the legality of it, but if it stops a real child from being molested then have at it. But then there can be a whole argument whether or not Pinocchio was always a real boy and that’s just a silly argument. If someone wants to draw Pinocchio naked, go ahead. I support you. His nose practically is a cock. He’s made of wood so it’s predictable to know that he’ll have an erection.

Everyone has the right to spend their easily earned money however they want. Some of us will spend it on toys for our children. The rest will probably spend it on naked pictures of Cinderella, Bambi, and the mom from Toy Story. I think the artists of these pictures should come out of the shadows and let their faces be shown. There is no reason to hide. You have brought joy and humor to this world will give a few others a hard-on. You’ve slaved away for hours in making the nipple of a fake human being look extra red. You’re a rare commodity. A necessary one too. The only thing to fear is losing your family, friends, and dignity. I think it’s worth it to get the credit that you deserve.