Posts Tagged ‘censorship’

Back in the 1950s there was this thing called Communism. Americans were terribly afraid of it because they were told to be. During this time a man named Joseph McCarthy was out calling anyone whose face he didn’t like a Communist. In those days being accused a Communist was the worst thing you could call a person. Then things like Civil Rights, Women’s Liberation, and general respect toward Circus Freaks happened. These things were necessary but a funny thing happened. Now that everyone was on an equal playing field and the Communists weren’t so evil anymore we ran out of bad guys. Imagine Batman without bad guys. Most likely he’d turn on those closest to him.


(Take away bad guys in the world and you take away this old cartoon man’s life)

These days the worst things you can call a person are a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, or a Republican which I am told are all racists, sexists, and homophobes anyway. Really? You think Ronald Reagan kept Nancy around just so he could beat her and insult her? Sounds pretty retarded to me. Of course, retarded is a word we’re not allowed to say because it offends people who know retarded people. So if you do the math properly I should get offended every time someone uses the word pussy because God knows I know a lot of them.

I don’t really get called a racist or sexist ever more than in joking. I get away with it because I don’t associate with people who go around tossing those accusations like they have the highest morals on the planet. I’m not racist. I know I’m not. I don’t even have to defend it for any reason at all. I could. I could say I’ve had friends of all different races. That still proves nothing. I’m also not a sexist. Sure, women piss me off a ton. I still would never treat one poorly just because her gender. Unless she was into that kind of thing which actually makes me like a girl more.


(I don’t know a thing about this woman but I want to marry her)

When you call someone a racist you’re making a huge stance. You’re saying that person is basically Hitler without a following. And people who follow you on Twitter don’t count as an army. Unless they retweet everything you say. I’ll count it then. I have met racists though and I know the difference between someone simply making a joke and being a full-blown racist. Someone making a joke will comment on race. It doesn’t matter if it’s in poor taste or not, if it has any semblance of a joke it probably was meant to be. Most people aren’t funny, keep that in mind. A full-blown racist would be someone who for no reason other than to add an extra noun into their vocabulary tosses out the N-Word and seems to have speeches stuck in their head how much they despise a certain race. If you can’t tell the difference between the two you probably shouldn’t be calling people names anyway.

What I believe has happened is people have gone completely soft when it comes to what can and cannot be joked about. Anything funny needs a victim. That’s not me saying it, that’s scientific fact. Any funny joke you ever come across will have a victim to it. The joke doesn’t have to be harsh or cruel, but there must be a victim. There must be someone who is made to look stupid, ignorant, or end up harmed. The problem is people have such a poor sense of humor these days and they are such wimps they never allow themselves to be a victim. I don’t find this prideful or tough. I think not allowing yourself to be the victim for humor makes you stubborn and boring. Boring of course to me is the worst thing you can call a person.

I’m not sure where everything went wrong. I didn’t pay attention much in history class because all my teachers were women and what do they know about history? See, I’m clearly joking. No high school would hire ALL female history teachers. Girls just don’t know anything about our past and that’s why men make better history teachers. Again, I’m joking. Are you offended? I hope not.


(“We know lots about history. Hitler was bad and the polka dot was invented in 1957.” – all women everywhere)

Really what I wanted to say here was if at any point you think “that shouldn’t be joked about” then you’re probably wrong. If it offends you, don’t go out of your way to make it a problem. Why give yourself that stress? Why get offended by anything that isn’t a direct and cruel attack on you or someone you care about? Not even something. Individuals are much more important than any belief system. I would hope anyone reading this would defend a person no matter who they are over a belief any day.

Stop being babies. Stop trying to censor the world. Grow up. If someone makes a joke that offends you, make a joke back at them. Some people didn’t want Mitt Romney for president because he seemed too mean and aggressive which is the exact reason why you should want someone to be president. “Mr. Gorbachev please if you wouldn’t mind can you consider tearing down that wall?” doesn’t have the same gusto as the real quote.

America, get your hard-on back.

Before you leave thinking this is a complaint about not being allowed to say “Merry Christmas” allow me to say that it’s not really about that. This post is a little scatter brained. I’m not sure why. I’m usually right on point! This is more about Christmas. It’s about every day life and having to make sure everybody is happy. The Christmas spirit is only my inspiration. I hope all my Christians/Americans/English readers enjoyed their Christmas and hope the rest of you saw a good movie.

I don’t care much for political correctness. It’s a pretty new thing for us. I think we used to be too stupid to notice these things. All political correctness comes down to is a definition. Many words mean many things. A jackass can be a donkey or an idiot or a man named Jack’s butt. It’s usually pretty obvious which one someone is talking about when they use the word. This probably wasn’t the best example. Being called a donkey, an idiot, or a man named Jack’s butt are all bad things. Unless Jack does lots of squats. Then it could be a compliment.

The political correctness that annoys me most is the kind where everyone needs to be included. Yes. Everyone should be welcomed everywhere. I agree. You should be allowed to enter any public place that you wish and apply for any job and have every opportunity as everyone else. So what’s the problem? The problem is when people have a problem. Do you really think that many people sit down and write emails about how much South Park pissed them off? Most of us are mature enough to know that if we hate something on TV that we change the channel then complain about it on our blogs. I could list who I blame for this but they’re all people who are on the extreme right or extreme left of the political spectrum. The Bible Thumpers on the right and the Bob Marley T-Shirt Wearers on the left are the exact same thing. They’re not happy. They’re miserable terds who have always gotten what they wanted in life and now feel the need to ruin everything for you and me. Us moderates need to stick together. We know that we need to pick and choose our battles and that not everything will work out our way. We’re better than them. We use reason and logic and don’t get our inspiration from 2,000 year old books and Bruce Springsteen songs.

I have two examples of political correctness that have me growing out my hair longer just so I can rip it out in a couple of months. Please, feel free to share your observations with me. I have a big head, hence lots of hair. I need more reasons to pull out my hair.

The first one was an advertisement for a high school play. It wasn’t quite on a billboard as much as it was on a small piece of cardboard in front of a liquor store. Location. Location. Location. That’s what advertising is all about. You’d have to be drunk to see a high school play that your kid isn’t in. The play was called “12 Angry People.” Hmmm. I didn’t know high schools did original plays. Maybe I’m not as well-versed in theater as I thought. I use my thinking schools and remember that there is a play called “12 Angry Men.” Oh no. Did they–they did. They changed the name of a play to be more politically correct! No! No! No! It’s 12 Angry Men. 12 pissed off guys with dicks and balls. I get that mostly girls act in these high school plays so maybe that’s why the name was changed. But how about this. Don’t do that play! How cheap are you that you have to do a play that all takes place in one room? Your entire scenery budget was paying a janitor to move a large table onto the stage. Stick with classics like Anne, Oliver Twist, or Big. Yes. My middle school did the theatrical and musical version of the Tom Hanks movie Big. The letter was all in small letters too which only me and one other person noticed. We planned on writing a musical called SMALL which is just the film in reverse. We’re lazy and instead occasionally mention it for a laugh.

The second example came from a radio advertisement. A woman talks to her husband. She wants to know what she should get for him. What a good wife. She asks him “What do you want for the Holidays?” Huh? Wait–people talk like that? I have never wished a loved one a happy holiday. Do you know why? I know which holiday it is that they celebrate! The man proceeds to tell her that he wants a pulled pork hoagie. It was an ad for sandwiches, mind you. The fact that he’s eating pork kind of tells you that he’s a heathen Christian. He celebrates Christmas! And their voices weren’t nasally or whiny. Clearly WASPs. Christians only celebrate two holidays in the “holiday season.” Christmas and New Year’s. For Christmas we get gifts. For New Year’s we get someone pregnant. Your birthday around October 5th? You might be a New Year’s conceived baby. I get that they want to attract people who don’t celebrate Christmas but why not find a better way to word it? Like “Hey, you haven’t given me your wish-list yet. What do you want? We’re running out of time!” Something corny like that where you still don’t mention the dreaded Christmas holiday but don’t offend those who don’t celebrate it. And who would not go buy a delicious sandwich just because they mention Christmas? If you are so caught up in your beliefs that someone as miniscule as that will turn you off from buying a product then you need to really consider what’s more important, eternal salvation or a delicious mother watering sandwich.

Things will probably never change. Why should they? There are enough ways to get around it and there are enough traditionalists like me out there who see nothing offensive about including everyone. Not everyone has to like you. If you’re someone who everyone likes, you’re phony. You have no opinion. There are plenty of people who I don’t like but I respect because shit, they stand their ground and are always open to being corrected when they’re wrong. For all we know life is nothing but a dream. We could be in the Matrix. Or on the fingernail of someone else in a Universe that isn’t even known to the person whose fingernail that belongs to. Doesn’t that blow your mind? Stop fretting about making everyone happy. It’s not your job. That’s Brian Regan’s job. Everyone loves a Fig Newton joke.