Posts Tagged ‘entertainment’

One ride I always refused to go on at Disney World was the “It’s A Small Planet Full of Murderers, Rapists, and Telemarketers After-All.” Disney later decided to shorten the name to “It’s A Small World After-All” due to pressure from what Walt Disney called, The Jews.

jew

Even at my young age I found this ride very tacky and lame. I guess you can say I was wise beyond my years, which would also explain memory loss in my mid-20s.

The world indeed is a very small one. Two recent examples happened and I will mention them as a propaganda-like way to promote my other blog.

The first example comes to us from when I mentioned how I was offered the opportunity to create a weekly comedy segment for a radio station I listen to. I sent in my recording and never heard back from the guy. About three weeks have already passed and even with a follow-up email I have heard nothing back. In other words, this guy has chosen to ignore me after sending compliments my way and giving me the offer. While I am grateful for the compliments, I find it a little irritating that I never got a response back even telling me it was shit. From a radio host who brags about being honest, I find his avoidance a little shady. I’ll probably complain about this more in the future when I am fully ready to burn that bridge. He googles himself, which is how he found my blog, so he’ll probably see it.

UPDATE: Here’s the passive aggressive post I made about him. He replied to my email saying he forgot to respond then I never responded back because I am a busy man.

busy man

(Sometimes I get so busy I feel like this poor guy who didn’t even have the time to leave his home to work so he has to suffer with peace and quiet from the couch on his home. Poor guy)

The way this is a small world is that after ignoring my emails he later mentioned an article I wrote for Yahoo Sports on his show. Most likely he had no idea it was me who wrote it. He referenced the title verbatim and even said he saw it on Yahoo. The more I think about it the more I hate this guy for teasing me with having a reason to live.

My second example also has to do with this blog in a stranger connection. I woke up early to see I had a new Twitter follower with a familiar name. I immediately checked the picture matched the name. The Twitter follower was a comedian from Philadelphia whom I had met years ago, once. He didn’t know my name and there is no possible way he would have remembered me for any reason so do not jump that conclusion. He just happened to come across my blog via Twitter or other place and he just happened to be someone I had met 6 years ago.

I like weird little small connections like this. I like it when people don’t remember me too. It’s like a fresh start where I have the upperhand. I always pretend to not remember people. If they think they remember me and it’s not me they are thinking of, I go with it. A pretty girl hugged me once because she thought I was a college friend named Chris. My name is not Chris and I had no friends in college. The point of it is, I responded and did not ignore the sweet words sent to me like that fucking radio host. Christ I wish I was powerful enough to start a war with him.

FYI I wrote this back in March which just goes to show you how little attention I have given this blog. My apologies to anyone who still uses WordPress. Does anyone still use this site? I have no clue.

Joey from Friends is on a show called Episodes. I have not watched it because I think the way Hollywood parades that mongoloid around in the public spotlight is heinous. Let the poor guy live a life as normal as he can!!!

matt-leblanc(Joey actually lasted 46 episodes which means there probably is no God)

I do not want to talk about his television show. I want to talk about other television shows. In particular my favorites from classic shows. These are inspired and include a few statuses I made on Facebook along with some originals.

My favorite episode of Magnum P.I. is when Magnum shaves his mustache for the summer. Everyone makes fun of him and he grows it back. Everyone else in the office tell him it was a good decision.

My favorite episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is the one where the LA Riots spill into Bel-Air and the Banks Family is held hostage for being, as the lead rioter calls them, “Uncle Toms.” Carlton did a lot of dancing in that episode and I like his dancing!

My favorite episode of The Walking Dead is the one where Carl has really bad diarrhea and they have to go out to find diarrhea medicine for him. On their way they have to kill one zombie and there isn’t much action, except in the prison toilet where Carl is bringing upon his own Apocalypse.

My favorite episode of Cheers is the one where the bar is closed for repairs and everyone stays at home watching television.

My favorite episode of Scooby-Doo Where Are You? is when they were going over their plan to trap a zombie pirate and Scooby Doo squatted down to take a big poop and it was really embarrassing for everyone and they made Shaggy pick it up.

My favorite episode Home Improvement is the one where Wilson tells the Taylor Family that the bottom of his face is missing. They don’t believe him and it turns out to not be true; he just has really bad anxiety. Tim uses money he made from Tool Time to send Wilson for counseling. Wilson ends up getting raped in the hospital by Brad because he’s rebellious.

My favorite episode of Everybody Loves Raymond is the one where the older brother hits his head on an airplane ceiling and then dies a few hours later. There was a lot of Billy Mays satire and I found it very timely.

My favorite episode of Parks and Recreation is the one where Leslie Knope realizes she met Ben too late in life and at over 40-years-old she can probably never have a family with him unless they adopt, but they can’t do it because Jerry screws up the paperwork. I liked that one.

My favorite episode of Lost is the flashback of Hurley. We find out that his weight is the reason why the plane crashed at the end which came as a huge shock to me. I was totally not expected them to go in that direction.

My favorite episode of Dexter is the one where he asks his sister for a half-day. Instead of going out to solve a murder though, Dexter catches up on some sleep.

My favorite episode of Seinfeld is the one where Dr. Timothy Whatley played by Bryan Cranston converts to Islam so he doesn’t have to have a sense of humor anymore. The B-story with Kramer on the double-date with the giant was good too.

My favorite episode of The Wire is when everyone has to stay late to finish up paperwork. This was sadly a real episode, but not my favorite.

Anyone else have a favorite episode?

I decided I’m going to do two blog posts about Batman in a row. This one is dedicated to the women in Bruce Wayne and Batman’s life. The biggest problem with Bruce Wayne is that he never could balance banging one chick as the millionaire playboy and a different one as Batman. For some reason he had to eventually bang the chick as both, because maybe he likes women to feel like whores. I don’t know. My parents weren’t shot dead in front of me so I will not judge.

I have been thinking about it and Batman/Bruce Wayne should have gotten hotter chicks than he did.

Kim Bassinger

VickiValeKimBasinger

In Batman, the original film done by Tim “Hey that’s a cool idea, let me ruin it” Burton, the love interest to Bruce Wayne is played by Kim Bassinger. While Bassinger was attractive back then, she was still in Alec Baldwin’s league and was he ever sexy? Alec is the famous Baldwin Brother. Daniel is the sexy one.

Michelle Pfeiffer

Batman Returns-michelle-pfeiffer-michael-keaton

I’m not going to even bother looking to see if I spelled her last name correctly because silent P’s piss me off. Her last name should be Fifer. Don’t give me this bullshit about a P then two f’s with an e thrown in there for good measure. Michelle Pppppppppppppppfeiffer (if you can add one silent P you can add many silent P’s) played Catwoman in this movie and she was still hot, but quickly fading. Taking into consideration that Batman was played by Michael Keaton aka the snowman possessed by a dead father in Jack Frost, he was dating way out of his league.

Nicole Kidman

kidman-and-batman

I never was attracted to Nicole Kidman. She’s so tall and flat in a wobbly sort of way, no disrespect to her of course because all women are beautiful in some way. Nicole Kidman just happens to be beautiful in the way she has lots of money. Not only that, Kidman slept with Tom Cruise. Worst of all, she’s not the only Bruce Wayne girlfriend to do it.

Katie Holmes

katie-holmes-batman-begins-400a-010407

Prisoner of Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes is another actress that has no sex appeal yet we pretend she does. Best known for her Dawson’s Creek days, Holmes could only be so lucky to nail a guy like Bruce Wayne down. Christian Bale is also probably the best looking Batman, at least in my eyes. There’s something about him I find so endearing in a totally “hey we’re just two men exploring each other’s bodies” kind of way.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

rachel-dawes-maggie-gyllenhaal

Not only did Bruce Wayne want to tap this, so did Harvey Dent. They fought over it and eventually she got killed and Harvey Dent had half his face blown off. Really, Two-Face should have been called Half-Face. I guess he has a more positive perspective on life than me though, right? That’s how those things are determined. Maggie Gyllenhaal seems too attainable to me. Someone like Bruce Wayne should only get really hot chicks with giant breasts and bad taste in television shows–because hot chicks always have such bad taste in things.

The Dark Knight Rises did a good job at actually having women Bruce Wayne should more realistically sleep with. Anne Hathaway was hot as Catwoman, the foreign girl with the dumb plan that took too long was smoking, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is cute in a boyish way. I still can’t believe they had Batman makeout with a guy!

*Please note I would bang every woman mentioned here, but that’s only because I make $12 an hour with no benefits other than my boss gives me muffins sometimes.

**Also wanted to point out that Iron Man dates Gwyneth Paltrow, another woman who is not as attractive as we pretend she is. Maybe I just have something against incredibly flat-chested women?

I know I said I was not going to be blogging as much and this is my third this week, but it’s mostly because I have actually been home more and have less to say. The less you have to say, the more blog posts you do. The more you have to say, the more likely you are to get shot for having an opinion. Speaking of getting shot, here’s a review I wrote months ago that was supposed to be on some website that never existed and it’s about a movie where a lot of people shoot each other.

My Review of Battle Royale:

If you are anything like me, I don’t mean the manic depression, then you were a little upset with the 2012 hit film The Hunger Games. The film was pretty, had a good story, and it was long which means I got my money’s worth. The problem with The Hunger Games other than no one actually starved to death was that in a film about kids killing each other, things never got very gruesome. For those like me who were upset that many of the death scenes had cutaways, you are in luck because there is a much more violent film where The Hunger Games basically lifted its idea from and it’s called Battle Royale.

Battle_royale_pochette(With Beat Takeshi people! The only Japanese actor named after a fictional band from Doug)

I have been a Battle Royale fan for years now. I even have an old faded shirt I got off eBay years ago. I wear it to bed now more than anything because when I do put it on I have self-esteem issues about my body. I think it makes me look fat. What are not fat are the kids in this movie. Except for one of them, but he doesn’t last very long which really bugged me because as racist as it may sound, I had some trouble telling the characters apart.

Battle Royale essentially is about a group of Japanese high school students who while on a field trip are gassed to the point where they pass out. When they wake up, they are in a classroom. I know I’m sounding nitpicky with one of my favorite films, but I want to point out it would have probably been cheaper if they just drove the bus to wherever they were going and had a few guys with guns push the kids into the classroom. Knock-out nerve gas has to be really expensive. I have never bought any, but it’s not exactly something we ever see for sale in a Walmart circular. I think it’s safe to say nerve gas is expensive and I would have kidnapped these children at a much cheaper cost.

battleroyale(At a comic book convention I actually met the one with the small frame, straight dark hair, and tan-colored clothing pictured here)

A video is played that lets the children know they are on a remote island where they will have to fight each other to the death until only one is left. Sound familiar? It’s not. Battle Royale came out first and the book was published in 1999. The Hunger Games should sound familiar to you.

Questions are raised at this point as to why this is happening. As the case is with subtitled films, a lot may go overlooked because reading during a movie can be tiresome. These students are part of something called the BR Act which was passed after 800,000 students walked out of school without permission from their parents. Think of this as Ferris Bueller to the extreme with a lot more Japanese kids and machine guns.

Battle Royale (1)(I know neither is holding a machine gun, but remember that Asian people are larger than most so it just looks small)

In addition to the students in the class there are two other men in the room with them. These two men are former winners of the game. I never like games that when you win all you get is a chance to play again. Miniature golf does that. I also had a friend win a pie eating contest once and he won a pie. None of these prizes are fair, especially the one about having to kill more people after having killed all of your classmates.

Each student is given a bag at random. The bags contain helpful items like maps, swords, and guns or unhelpful things like a paper fan, a saucepan lid, or a copy of Battle Royale 2. I never saw Battle Royale 2. I heard it’s exactly like the first one so to me it sounds pretty useless.

The film follows these different students as they fight for survival. Some form alliances, others fend for themselves. Others choose to not fight which is ridiculous because if they don’t get down to one person before time expires, the collars on their necks will go off and decapitate them. Maybe that’s why they needed the knock-out gas after all. Kids hate when you put death collars on their necks. The only way you can do it is if they are knocked out. There goes my theory that I’m good at kidnapping children.

 battleroyale5(So if you put a grenade in someone’s mouth their head falls off?)

There are two main characters in the film, a male and a female. Their names are whatever the Japanese equivalent of Katniss and Peeta are. Their characters are not as deep as some of the side characters, some of whom are completely badass evil, but they work for what they are.

I originally fell in love with Battle Royale because of its ultraviolent images. This may indeed be the most violent film I have ever seen. It’s bloody, gory, and has good guys as well as bad ones. Where Battle Royale falls short I believe is that it is adapted from a very complex book. There are times I felt like important parts were skipped over too quickly and plot points were not fully explained. I had to do some reading on this film after viewing it which is actually a good thing because it means I liked the film enough where I wanted to learn more.

a-reading-books-hot-sexy-12(Reading? Hasn’t she ever heard of TV? Or a chair?)

Although at times you may find yourself watching this film not quite sure why this is all happening, it can be enjoyed from a less complex perspective. Did you enjoy the Christopher Nolan Batman films? Those are incredibly complicated. The Dark Knight Rises spoiler alert: Remember how Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend, whatever her name is foreign girl, reveals why she turned on him? It made no sense at all. She spent all those years getting into a business that she knew would get her close to Bruce Wayne. She went to school all for the sake of getting to kill him. It’s like in The Naked Gun when bad guy points out he spent years doing a job he hated just so he could one day kill the queen. And what if the Bruce Wayne girlfriend lady was ugly? Bruce Wayne doesn’t date ugly chicks. So many little things had to be perfect for her to pull that off. It made no sense and still the film was enjoyable.

Battle Royale is not much different in that way. Watch it for what it is, something different and original with graphic scenes of high school kids killing each other.

crushed

I had my hopes crushed again this year. For the third year running I entered a sitcom writing contest and was not selected as a finalist. I mean, I must suck, right? There is no other explanation. As I do with every contest I lose, and yes nobody won I just lost, I am making up horrible plot lines for these sitcom scripts that made it to the finals based on only their titles.

Alice, Wonderland

An English professor tries to replace the word “in” with commas to save himself time during his busy schedule. An uprising occurs as to whether or not the public will accept this new abbreviation.

Black Sheep

Scenes from the Chris Farley comedy of the same name and the horror film about sheep in Scotland killing people are spliced together each week to make up an original program.

Bros

A comedy about the life of the Menendez Brothers. We open to a shot of them both getting molested with a tennis racket.

Chimney Creek

In the small town of Chimney Creek, Arkansas lives a woman with a demonic possession. She shits everywhere and takes the Lord’s name in vain. Stars Marlee Matlin as the demonically possessed woman.

Creatives

Art student Josie Poontang and street magician Lyle Toilet open up a shop in midtown Cheyenne, Wyoming to allow creative people to come and join them each week. In the second episode Josie dies and becomes a ghost with a chain-smoking problem.

D-1

Sandra Oliver has a big chest. Then she gets cancer and has to have one removed. Now she is down to one D-Cup breast.

Evil Blond Kid

Dennis the Menace.

Ex-Communication

A fictitious version of the last days of Napoleon Bonaparte and how he spent them chasing broads and not being able to reach high things. Alternate title, “The Small Dicked Frenchman.”

The Good Samaritan’s Club

A comedy about the gang violence between The Good Samaritan’s Club and the more popular First Wive’s Club. Receives the first NC-17 rating for a television show because of how violent it is and how they kill animals each week, for real.

Hot Fail

Internet bloopers show about people accidentally falling into volcanoes.

Julie #2

After a miscarriage, thought to be mother Janice Spredlegs gets pregnant again, this time by her father! They name the child after the baby they lost, but to differentiate between the two during conversation, they add the #2 to the end.

The Manifest

Pilgrim Peter Washington is the first gay pilgrim. He wants to start a “Man Fest” but due to his speech impediment he starts a manifest, whatever that is.

Match Pointe

Tennis legend Eric Von Beerdrinker is down on his luck and just find out he his ex-wife has given him HIV. He sets out to systematically destroy her life throughout the series, with many humorous roadblocks along the way.

Park Life

The chronicles of five hobos, one of whom lies about being a war veteran, and all of the places they urinate in the park.

Peace

In a world without conflict, nothing happens and everyone kills themselves because they are so bored. The series begins when nobody is no longer around and nothing continues to happen.

The Pool

Con-artist Nicholas Obama is jealous of his brother, fictional character and United States President Larack’s success. He decides to became a pool lifeguard. The only problem is he’s black and has to face a lot of prejudice along the way.

Power Moms

It’s Power Rangers, but with mothers. At the end of each episode they form a human pyramid then their backs hurt so they stop.

Reject – A Recruiting Comedy

Nothing funny ever happens because you shouldn’t put “comedy” in the title of a comedy. It’s like people who have “funny” in their Twitter name. No you’re not.

Rom.com

A website for Roman sex slave trafficking opens up. The only person who can stop it is bumbling detective and former NFL quarterback, Zed Pill. Along with his trusted sidekick and former teammate and Native American and gay lover Ike Runs With Bear, they try to stop it.

Rumspringa

Amish kids go on Rumspringa. The show is great until it gets old and we realize there are too many shows about the Amish already.

Third and a Mile

Buddies Billy, Niles, and Wesley love going out and picking up girls then sharing them. Wesley is always the third one to bang the girl. The problem is, he always finds himself a mile away! Can he get there in time before she sobers up?

We’re Not Your Parents

A school of abusive teachers hit and punish children emotionally and physically while reminding the children they have no need to be nice to them, they are not their parents.

What Goes Up…

The first show about astronauts. In the first season finale we get a comedic look at the Challenger explosion and the impatient workers who had to clean up the mess all in the name of science.

Works in Progress

Each week the show is presented in a “Choose Your Own Adventure” format. Will you enter the cave or will you stay at home and get fatter? Find out never!

Yellow Pine Pride

A gang of public urinators are recruited by the government to stop public poopers because pooping in public is worse than peeing. It takes place somewhere in the Northwest, hence the “pine” part. Actor Chris Pine is also in it. He’s known for having urine that smells like Pinesol as well. His character, not the guy.

My second video for the 97.5 The Fanatic Dream Job application is up on their site. This one I did with a partner, Carter “Wild Thing” Johns. I would appreciate Likes and comments. It will surely make me happier after finding out that I’m a shitty writer who can’t come up with a television show better than Law Show. You can read my last blog post for more on that.

Here’s the link to my duo video

You probably won’t understand anything in it unless you follow Philadelphia sports, but it’s a poorly animated cartoon so I guess maybe do some drugs then watch it. I don’t know. It works for Cartoon Network.

Also you can still comment or Like my single video. Do both.

Thank you and that’s all you have to read. I will find out if I am a finalist in another week and you will never have to hear about this ever again if I don’t make it.

tim and carter

I talk a lot about chicks on this blog because I’m a guy. I think chicks, I bleed football, and I brush my teeth with beer. My taste in women is as varied as my taste in rocking chairs. Sometimes there are traditionally hot women I’ll like and other times they are more average. I also judge so much in my attraction in the personality or what I assume their personality is like. Sometimes there are women who I’m really attracted to and I can’t figure out why.

Judy Greer:

judy-greer-picture-40

I’m not sure what it is about Judy Greer I like so much. She’s so not my type. I mean, for one she’s much older and has a similar face to Phoebe from Friends. Her face comes to a weird triangular point. I think what I like about Ms. Greer (unless she’s married to former Texas Rangers outfielder Rusty Greer) is her sense of humor. In both Arrested Development and her cartoon character in Archer, she plays crazy and sexual women. I think what this means is that Judy Greer is a little nutty, but not to the point where she’s exactly like these character. I don’t know what it is. I still want to have Judy Greer’s babies.

Lake Bell:

lake-bell-sexy-4

When I first started watching Children’s Hospital I always thought Lake Bell was weird looking. Then I saw her in something other than hospital scrubs and I realized why she could be considered hot. Wow. Look at that chest. She must have back problems. I don’t want to say her face always looked a little too “Jewish” for me because that sounds racist and I actually do like Jewish girls. I’m pretty sure a lot of this has to do with her boobs and the fact I know she has a good sense of humor. I know this because I’ve listened to her phone calls.

Uma Thurman:

Uma-Thurman

Uma Thurman and I could never date. She’s much richer than me and I think she’s taller. She’d probably feel like I couldn’t protect her, especially since she probably can somewhat fight from being in Kill Bill. I couldn’t even say Uma Thurman is so much pretty as much as it is I like her insanity. She’s hung out with Quentin Tarantino so much it’s messed with her head. She seems like the kind of woman I could have a nice serious conversation with. Of course, the best part of this conversation would be when we both shut the fuck up and enjoy the uncomfortable silence.

Of Monsters and Men Girl:

nanna bryndis

I don’t care to learn her name. Why should I? It’s not like my alphabet probably uses her letters. She’s from Iceland and they put random circles at the top of A’s. She’s definitely cute and not a pig by any standards. It’s her hair that bugs me I guess. She goes with that shaving one half of her head and letting the rest flop over look. I’m sure this has a trendy name and I don’t care to learn that either.

Anne Hathaway (Sometimes):

anne_hathaway_3

I only like Anne Hathaway sometimes. You know, like in Princess Diaries. I’m kidding. I’m sure she was 18 in those movies anyway so it takes away from the joke. I hate when Anne Hathaway has this short hair thing going. What’s up with that? She looks like a little boy. Please Anne, grow your hair out. People only tell you that you look cute with that haircut because saying the word “cute” helps suck vomit back down.

Kirsten Dunst:

kirsten dunst

She actually somehow has a reputation for being ugly. Really? I always thought she was kind of cute. From the moment I saw her in Bring it On (you know, the previews, not the actual movie…) until I finally got to see her nude in Melancholia, I’ve always thought Kirsten Dunst was a pretty lady. She was also the best Mary Jane out there. Remember the wet t-shirt? Of course you don’t. You’re too busy watching Robert Downey Jr. in an iron suit you bad-taste-in-movies-haver.

Pink:

pink-singer

Pink scares the shit out of me. Despite this fact, I’ve always enjoyed staring at her. She’s lucky we don’t live in the same town because if I saw her walking I’d probably keep staring. Obviously she’d like the attention. Why else would she dye her hair pink? To match her name? I don’t think that’s even her real name. I read somewhere her real name is David Hummerflitz.

Lady Gaga (Once in a Fleeting Glimpse):

dog-wearing-lipstick

It was very fleeting and she had on a lot of makeup, it was black and white, and I didn’t have to hear her voice. Please, continue pretending to respect me.

Jackie that works at Wawa:

JACKIE KENNEDY

There was this girl named Jackie that worked at a Wawa I used to go to. I saw her like four times and thought she was so hot. I finally had the courage to talk to her and she told me that “No, nobody ever has died here. At least not while I was working.” Then one day I saw her and she didn’t look quite as pretty. I found her on Facebook and she looked even worse. She looked like an uglier Miranda Cosgrove. I think what I liked most about Jackie was her pants. Don’t even ask me to get into what I mean by this. You had to be there to appreciate it.

Are there any people who you are attracted to and you’re not really sure why?

These could be the final days. I doubt they are. The Mayans all agreed on one day to be their final day and they were wrong. I’m one man picking my own final day. The odds are against me.

What exactly are these the final days of? In a matter of a few weeks, beginning Monday, I will hear back from a lot of contests that I have entered in the last few months. I will find out if dead people have birthdays or not. I will learn if the world is ready for the Jersey Devil to begin his feast. My name’s origin, I’ll know if it truly does mean awful. Is it possible to befriend terrorists? This paragraph was very cleverly written and it means nothing to anybody because they are all things I have written in the last year or so that I was proud enough of that I thought should be entered into screenwriting contests. Three total contests and I find out about each by the end of July. I mean, they have to be at least okay, right? The few people I know who read them said they were great. They would never lie to save my emotions, right?

More possible is the radio contest that I have already entered. I spent all day today working on my duo video with Carter “Unstoppable” Johns. I will bother you with that once it is on their site. For now though, I would love it if anybody could comment or share MY VIDEO. Thanks to those who already have.

July will either be filled with excitement or turmoil. I’ll of course whine when I don’t win some and you’ll never hear the end of it if I succeed at any of these.

I feel like I wasted your time because I didn’t say anything here and you gained no new knowledge other than the possibility of knowing my demise is nearing. As compensation, here’s a very neutral picture we can all enjoy, Justin Bieber lying on the ground in a bloody mess.

justin_bieber_shot_dead_csi

This is a very important post. It’s short too so many people will probably see it.

Yesterday I warned I would need some help with a radio contest. Well, the help begins today. Keep in mind, this isn’t one of those “whoever has the most friends” or “whoever is the most devout Catholic” wins contest. This is a contest you win on merit which I always respect. So basically, if you have the time, if you have the desire, if you want to get on my good side, go to the link below and leave a comment on my video.

Dream Job Application

I will have yet another video I am entering to post on here and bug you about as soon as Carter “Superstar” Johns finally gets around to recording his part of our duo video which I guarantee will be the most unique and entertaining thing anyone submits this year ever infinity forever.

I also know you probably have no idea what I’m saying in the video because you’re not a Philadelphia sports fan or a sports fan in general. It doesn’t matter. I’m making a great point. If you have no clue what to comment, you can simply comment “Yes! Yes! Yes!” or any other wrestling reference you can think of that are relevant. If I am one of the finalists selected to attend a live event and we have the chance to play it up to the crowd, I plan on turning the thing into a madhouse. All you have to do to comment is signup really quick or even sign in with Facebook. It’s pretty simple.

Also apologies now to anyone on Facebook who also reads the blog who I will probably bug about this further. Just remember, if I can win this then I will never be mean to you ever again because I will have my dream job…or at least one of them.

best job in the world(This wouldn’t be bad either)

I was talking to someone the other day and he said how he was invited to a sex party when he was over in Germany. It’s a shame too because I thought he was a cool guy and now I have to hate him. I mean, even if I was invited to a sex party I would probably not go. I guess it depends who invites me, where I am, how my self-esteem is, and how much I’d get paid for my appearance. Things like getting invited to a sex party though never happen to me in real life. Just the invitation alone would make me happy. The idea that some stranger looks at me and says, “You know where he’d fit right in at? A sex party. Not even an orgy. He’s too cool for an orgy. A sex party is what this guy needs to be at. The sex party, unlike the orgy, is as much about personality as it is getting down to the deed. This guy has it. I think I’ll give him an invite.”

Normally when people invite me places I think it’s because they feel required to or as if I will not show up anyway. Sometimes I’ll RSVP and not show up. They’ll ask me where I was and then I’ll cease contact and for the rest of their lives they’ll be left wondering what they did wrong. Everything! Other times I’ll not RSVP then show up. This can be a problem at formal events when they need a head count for things like chairs or pudding cups. The point I am trying to make is, fuck that guy for having such a wonderful life compared to mine. Not only does he get to go on vacations to foreign countries, he actually wants to. Traveling annoys me so much. Where does he get this lust for life from? I don’t even like going to the corner store because I’m afraid they gossip about me. And when this guy does go to these foreign lands, he doesn’t just see the sights. He sits down and strange German men come up to him and are like, “Hey, wanna go to a sex party?” He gets invited to the two most overrated things there are out there combined into one which makes it a whole lot cooler.

My life is different from that though. My life is more like the series of comics I have been creating all this week which now has its own page on my blog and you can view it by clicking on the picture below. Yeah. That’s all I really wanted to say. I’ll be updating it frequently and will bother you sparingly.

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