Posts Tagged ‘fantasy sports’

Fantasy baseball is starting again soon and I hate to repeat team names. Last year I was the Miami Carlins and the Atlanta Slaves.

miami carlins

 

atlanta slaves logo

 

I also played fantasy football. My team name there was the Cleveland Drowns.

cleveland drowns

As you can see, they got progressively harsher and specific.

Here are some potential baseball names I may go with this year and football ones I have thus far:

Philadelphia Willies – Symbol is a bunch of penises

New York Getz – Symbol is Lethal Weapon character Leo Getz near the Statue of Liberty

Los Angeles Rogers – Symbol is a bunch of people named Roger like the black kid from Sister Sister

Toronto Blue Gays – Symbol is a bunch of upset protesting gay people/Chris Crocker crying/Blue Man Group sex picture

Houston Castratestros – Symbol is a penis without any balls

Los Angeles Angles – Symbol is a right angle

Tampa Bay Lays – Symbol is a bag of potato chips

Cincinnati Beds – Symbol is a bed

Cincinnati Meds – Symbol is one of those pill cases with every day of the week

Cincinnati Dreads – Symbol is a guy with dreadlocks

Cincinnati Peds – Symbol is a bunch of famous pedophiles

Arizona Diamondslacks – Symbol is a pair of pants with diamonds on them

Chicago Rubs – Symbol is a Vietnamese woman giving a massage

Milwaukee Jewers – Symbol is someone haggling the price down

I’ll stop there with baseball. For football I only have two so far:

Kansas City Queefs – Symbol is a vagina fart

Philadelphia Keagles – Symbol is a vagina tightening exercise

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Fantasy baseball is long over and fantasy football will soon join. How will competitive gambling addict deniers continue to get their fix of betting? I have developed an easy game.

The game is Fantasy Falls. You don’t have to know anything about sports to play either. The way it works is you select the total points based on the point system I have created. At the end of the winter whoever is closest wins absolutely nothing because this is not a real game. Oh and I should mention the game centers around how many times I will fall in public this winter while slipping on ice.

Ice-slip-drink

Not even winter, I have already slipped on ice once. I nearly did it again today only feet from my front door. Since I no longer have a car and do walk a lot, there chances of me falling are frequent.

Here is how the point system works out:

1 Point for falling on the way to work

1 Point for falling on the way home from work

1 Point for falling while on the New York side of my commute (less likely so you get a bonus)

1 Point for each body park that touches the ground when I fall

3 Points for every damaged item from the fall

3 Points if someone says something to me

5 Points if medical attention is needed

10 Points if serious medical attention is needed

For my first fall it was on my way to work (1 Point) and my right hand and right knee hit the ground (2 Points). I did drop my umbrella, but no damage was done. No medical attention was needed and there was nothing damaged, including my pants. Nobody said anything either because people are mean and don’t speak good English. So far the total is 3 Points.

Where will it end?

snow(A scene from my walk home today. Nearly fell on my first step outside the building at work)