Fantasy Falls

Fantasy baseball is long over and fantasy football will soon join. How will competitive gambling addict deniers continue to get their fix of betting? I have developed an easy game.

The game is Fantasy Falls. You don’t have to know anything about sports to play either. The way it works is you select the total points based on the point system I have created. At the end of the winter whoever is closest wins absolutely nothing because this is not a real game. Oh and I should mention the game centers around how many times I will fall in public this winter while slipping on ice.

Not even winter, I have already slipped on ice once. I nearly did it again today only feet from my front door. Since I no longer have a car and do walk a lot, there chances of me falling are frequent.

Here is how the point system works out:

1 Point for falling on the way to work

1 Point for falling on the way home from work

1 Point for falling while on the New York side of my commute (less likely so you get a bonus)

1 Point for each body park that touches the ground when I fall

3 Points for every damaged item from the fall

3 Points if someone says something to me

5 Points if medical attention is needed

10 Points if serious medical attention is needed

For my first fall it was on my way to work (1 Point) and my right hand and right knee hit the ground (2 Points). I did drop my umbrella, but no damage was done. No medical attention was needed and there was nothing damaged, including my pants. Nobody said anything either because people are mean and don’t speak good English. So far the total is 3 Points.

Where will it end?

(A scene from my walk home today. Nearly fell on my first step outside the building at work)

Results

Remember when I asked you to help me out with a Mad Libs post? No? You’ve never read my blog before? You have some sort of forgetful disease? Don’t blame MTV for being so scatterbrained. Blame your own laziness. Below are the results. Thank you to all participants. I was going to actually place each of your answers into the proper place, but this would require work and I’m scheduling this ahead of time and would hate if someone felt left out. If you would still like to participate you can on your own. Here are the answers given by the participants. Some of them may need to be changed slightly to make sense. But that’s Mad Libs! All you have to do is plug them in accordingly to make up what I’m sure will be a whacky adventure!

To those wanting to participate fully on this journey, please go back to Mad Libs and start from there. Enough blabbing. Hopefully this doesn’t turn out as big a mess as it is seeming to be.

Evolution of Insanity:

Noun: Lily

Adjective: angry

Plural Noun: cats

Plural Noun: Witches

Adjective: alive

Adjective: quaint

Relative: sister

Verb: imagine

Noun: mouse

Adjective: relieved

Celebrity: John Cusack

City Name: Vatican City

Noun: bus

Verb: name

Noun: echo

Noun: box

Verb: drop

Adjective: black

Noun: teacher

Noun: neighbourhood

Verb: bites

Diatribes and Ovations:

Noun: Worm
Adjective: moist
Plural Noun: ninjas
Plural Noun: seedless grapes
Adjective: enormous
Adjective: spongy
Relative: Aunt
Verb: chew
Noun: albatross
Adjective: persnickety
Celebrity: Sir Elton John
City Name: Omaha
Noun: lollipop
Verb: sauté
Noun: squid
Noun: ankle
Verb: boil
Adjective: fat
Noun: blister
Noun: monkey
Verb: stab

Michael Cargill:

Poo for each

BreezyK:

Noun: BreezyK

Adjective: Awesome

Plural Noun: Hipsters

Plural Noun: Investment Bankers

Adjective: Douchy

Adjective: indier-than-thou

Relative: second cousin, once removed

Verb: jumping

Noun: Nova Scotia

Adjective: serendipitous

Celebrity: Kim Kardashian

City Name: Toronto

Noun: peanut butter

Verb: complaining

Noun: sloth

Noun: cats

Verb: lazy

Adjective: creamy

Noun: computer

Noun: water bottle

Verb: drinking

A Gripping Life:

Noun: Flower

Adjective: unseemly

Plural Noun: houses

Plural Noun: cars

Adjective: gorgeous

Adjective: long

Relative: uncle

Verb: assault

Noun: blog

Adjective: crazy

Celebrity: Seth Rogen

City Name: Topeka

Noun: heaven

Verb: play

Noun: lips

Noun: wall

Verb: kiss

Adjective: hideous

Noun: muscle

Noun: floor

Verb: kill

Lily in Canada:

Noun: Pete

Adjective: pretty

Plural Noun:horses

Plural Noun: telephones

Adjective: yellow

Adjective: dirty

Relative: brother

Verb: toss

Noun: paper

Adjective:important

Celebrity: Hugh Grant

City Name: Tallahassee

Noun: sidewalk

Verb:skip

Noun:pants

Noun:moose

Verb:lick

Adjective:dumb

Noun:iphone

Noun:poop

Verb:cry

No Blog Intended:

Cake.
Extraordinary.
Fingers.
Hours.
Heavenly.
Mindblowing.
Grandniece.
Kill.
Book.
True-harted.
Miley Cyrus.
Antwerp.
Ax.
Cradle.
High heels.
Toe nails.
Sow.
Double-breasted.
Cat.
Tear.
Gutter.

Welcome to my 300th blog post! It took hard work. A lot of motivation. And a little help from my (noun). Much has been achieved since starting this blog. For starters, I have become a more (adjective) person. I thank you, my (plural noun) for that.

There are still a few things you may not know about me. For instance, I love to stare at (plural noun). (adjective) ones. My fascination started when I was a (adjective) boy and my (relative) would (verb) me on my cheek. My (noun) says this traumatic event is why I am so (adjective).

Since my blog started I have become somewhat famous. I even managed to have a brief relationship with (celebrity). It ended when we were caught engaging in a public sexual act known as the (City name) (noun). That’s when you (verb) the other person’s (noun). But things are back to normal now. I am in a healthy relationship with my current (noun).

What I really wanted to say today was I appreciate everyone who (verb) my blog. Whether you visit often, frequently, or only when you’re feeling (adjective), your presence is felt with warmth. Thank you again. Here’s to much more success with my and your (noun). Unless you’re one of those people missing a (noun). Then I guess you can just go (verb) yourself.