Posts Tagged ‘gomad diet’

There’s nothing wrong with the pharmacy Rite Aid other than the fact they have a variation of the word “right” in its name. I’m not a big Rite Aid fan as far as pharmacies go. They never seem to have what I want. Unfortunately sometimes you don’t have a choice which pharmacies you buy your peanuts from. Right now the nearest CVS to me is a mile downhill which means if I ever want to get back home I’ll have to go a mile up hill. Walgreens? I think I have to cross the River Styx to get there. The following is a short excerpt on why I do not like Rite Aid. It can be better known as “finding something to complain about.”

(It’s really not that bad of a song)

I stopped in at Rite Aid hoping to get milk and peanuts. I’m practically made of these two items now. They’re close to 90% of all I ingest other than the ten spiders the average person eats a year while sleeping.

The first bad sign at this particular Rite Aid was when I noticed they only had two kinds of milk a few days earlier. They had Whole Milk and 1%. Huh? Where’s the variety? That’s the spice of life. On this day though they only had Whole Milk and 2%. Is this a sign from God that I need to fatten myself up? I have been getting beaten up a lot by middle schoolers so maybe I should.

middle schoolers

(They’re a lot meaner when the teacher isn’t around)

Normally I’ll drink Skim Milk but I don’t mind the other kinds so I didn’t complain. When I went further down the aisle to grab some peanuts I noticed they had none. Well, they had plenty but no smaller bags. Don’t they realize people without self-control like me exist? How can I possibly have a giant container of peanuts in my home and not eat them all in one sitting? I instead grabbed the last small bag of salted cashews available. Cashews are good, just not as good as peanuts. Cashews taste a little too much like toe nails, the object their shape most resembles.

I got to the front of the line when the biggest problem of all happened, there was a line. Not only was there a line, there was one line. The other cashier was standing there though, possibly learning English because she didn’t seem to speak it very well when the working cashier muttered things under her breath about how lazy the non-English speaking one seemed to be.


(I think she spoke Klingon. “Buenos dias” is Klingon right? And why does dias come up as a misspelling but Klingon doesn’t? Further proof a nerd invented spell check)

At the front of the line was an Arabian woman. Maybe she wasn’t Arabian. She had on something you would see a Muslim woman wear without the cool foot soldiers from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mask. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t Muslim though because she was buying Christmas lights. Lots of them. I think they were on sale. I would estimate she bought around 50 of these little cases because her total came out to $58 dollars. If each was a buck and you add on sales tax you get around $58. Needless to say, standing in line behind a woman at a pharmacy buying 50 items can make you really hope to see her get hit by a bus outside, 50 times.

Next in line was a Hispanic woman. I can never tell Hispanic women’s ages. They all look 30. I think the more a Spanish woman smiles the younger she is. After standing in line for 8 minutes and not moving up a single spot, this Spanish lady had a lot of questions to ask. She was buying three Swiffer products and each one she asked about the price. Ummm does she not know these things are labeled? She ended up getting two of the items and not the most expensive. Oddly enough, the most expensive was also the biggest. Go figure, the more you get the more expensive it will be.


(Obviously the big hand would be more expensive than the little hand. Then again, can you really buy hands?)

Finally in front of me was a curly-haired white woman in puffy black coat. I already hated this woman because while walking down a crowded aisle she didn’t even for a second think to let me get by. She was probably 50 and very pushy. She was buying a bag of almonds, three Snickers bars, and pain killers. Then she spotted an on-sale variety pack of peanut jars and grabbed that before checking out. I would hate to be this woman’s toilet paper.

I got to the front of the line and I was in and out much faster than these ladies. I was so fast as soon as I stepped outside I still saw the Christmas lights lady, the Spanish woman, and the pushy bitch standing there looking at their receipts to make sure they weren’t ripped off. I’m not really sure what I wanted to say here except for that lines suck and I don’t like people.