Posts Tagged ‘hamburgers’

If the Illuminati spy on everything and run the entire world, then that means that they read this blog. One poor lowly bottom of the barrel member of the most elusive group has the task of reading what I write. He must. I could be writing about taking down the Illuminati and he would have to report back to his counterparts that they need to hire an assassin to take me out.
I feel honored to know that someone on the payroll of my favorite mystery group reads this. Fuck the Bilderberg Group. They don’t even have a symbol on the dollar bill. They sound like an undefeated Jewish wrestler. All they do is meet once a year. They’re no different then a group of high school buddies trying to latch onto the past.
If you happen to be the member of the Illuminati reading things then I welcome you. Your readership is what keeps me going. I’m curious though, who shot JFK and why? Please leave your response encrypted in the comments section below. I have watched enough Youtube videos about you to know how to decode your messages so that should not be a problem.


Posted: August 27, 2011 in August 2011
Tags: , ,

I would like to issue a formal apology to all Hindus. I completely forgot that you exist! Really, can you blame me? You haven’t done much in a while. You’ve recently been overshadowed by Muslims in recent years. It must make you feel awful.

Hindus have contributed a lot to this world and I would like to acknowledge that. They’ve sacrificed not eating cows so that we can have double cheese burgers. Us Americans would never do something like that. Especially for a group of people with a multi-armed Elephant as a God.

Of course, Hindus have also given us every joke about a dot on a head possible. That dot takes commitment. Catholics do something similar on ash Wednesday. It’s that day every spring where you walk around the city and wonder why you never noticed how many people around you had facial moles. It’s stupid. Not like Hindus. They make their dots red, like pimples. But adults don’t get pimples so you know that it’s faith that you’re looking at.

Finally I would like to thank Hindus for not being violent people. I’m sure some of you are just like how some dentists aren’t kid touchers. Your reputation is hospitable and you’ve earned this apology. So please, forgive me and let us soon not forget these valuable members of society.