Posts Tagged ‘hockey’


Last night at an exhibition hockey game in London, Ontario (showing the originality of Canadian city names, breakdown Newfoundland into three words and tell me that that isn’t the lousiest name ever) a fan threw a banana onto the ice while Philadelphia Flyers African-Canadian player Wayne Simmonds was taking his part in a sudden death shootout. Wayne scored the goal despite the piece of fruit hitting him, but that’s not what everyone is paying attention to.

I’m not sure where the fan got the banana. The fact that they had one shows that they had intentions to do something with it. Nobody brings bananas to a hockey game unless they are planning something bad or have an extreme potassium deficiency. It’s weird that it took them the entire game to finally throw it onto the ice. They had to have had that planned. They went to a lot of effort for this. They had to go on the Internet and research the Flyers roster, find out that there was a black player on the team, go to the store and hatefully purchase a banana with a clenched fist and asshole (probably several bananas, you’d look creepy buying one), go to the game and wait around with a banana in their pocket, and then finally after regulation, throw the banana at the player. At no time in this entire process did they think that what they were doing was wrong. For at least 5 hours, suggesting that they purchasing the banana pre-game, all they could think about was throwing a banana at another human being. Lets say that they bought the banana a day early. That banana sat in their home next to apples and cornucopias while they waited to go to the game to declare their hatred for all black people. I envy this man. To have such resistance to not eat a banana and instead waste it by trying to start a race war. Bananas don’t last more than 5 minutes in my home.

I get why the banana thrower did what he did. I totally do. He wanted to make a statement and see if maybe he could get the Grand Wizard of the Canadian KKK (they’re actually called the CCCC, Canadian Clu Clux Clan, not to be confused with many community colleges in America) to blow him. They haven’t been able to identify who the man who threw the banana was yet, but we all know how much idiots like to brag about stupid shit they do that it will come out.

Rage, disgust, and hatred aren’t words that describe how I feel about this. Indifferent is more like it. I understand what happened was unacceptable, but I’m not involved. I’m not black, I’m not from the Canadian London, and I don’t care about the outcome of a preseason hockey game. People will take this as a reflection of how most hockey fans feel about blacks which is untrue. Categorizing all groups of people into one, especially when it’s negative, is usually false. One fruit wasting Canadian jack-off (that may be redundant) who hates black people is not a representation of anything more than his own emotions and feelings. Don’t forget that. We are all responsible for our own actions and behavior. One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch. We have freewill.

The strangest thing about all of this to me is that if something like this happened 50 years ago, the man who threw the banana would have been elected mayor. 80 years ago he would have already been the mayor. 150 years and he would have been the greatest hero of all time. Human kind has come really far in the last 100 years. In the western world, at the very least, people are treated as equals for the most part. The world has existed for millions of years. Millions! People have been around for like 12,000 or so, I’m not sure. That’s something everybody should know but even scientists aren’t positive about that. Anyway, out of those 12,000 years of human existence, only have about 150 of them been in a world where slavery is seen as bad. Holy shit! 12,000 divided by 150 is 80. I don’t know what that means but it doesn’t matter. The odds of living in a time when slavery is viewed as wrong is so slim. More people have lived under a pro-slavery regime than haven’t. How bout them apples–or bananas for that matter.

What I am trying to say is that things take time. You can’t turn around traditions overnight. We’ve made tremendous progress as humans in the last 100 years alone. When the first plane was invented women couldn’t vote. Human beings could fly through the air yet women were not allowed to write down what crook they wanted to represent them at city council meetings. It’s amazing. Appreciate the times you live in. Anybody reading this is the in the top one percentile of all-time in health and freedoms. Racism will not die overnight so stop babying people into thinking that it should. We need dumb Canadians to throw bananas at tough black guys to remind us all how good we’ve all got it.

Jock Insults

Posted: September 19, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , , , , , ,


I wish I was a jock. Prison movies have taught me one thing. If you want to get respect from the people you want to become, you have to find the biggest guy there and take him on. That’s why in my journey to become the ultimate jock I have decided to come up with insulting nicknames for some professional jocks, old and current. These nerds will be quivering in their mansions once they see what I have to call them.


Alex Rodriguez – Alex Clodriguez

John Elway – John Smellway

Peyton Manning – Peyton Womanning

Prince Fielder – Princess Fielder

Lou Gehrig – Lou Gay-Rag

Tom Brady – Tom Lady

Tony Romo – Tony Homo

Gregg Maddox – Gregg Buttox

Kurt Warner – Kurt Weiner

Chase Utley – Lace Buttley

Jose Reyes – Jose Gayes

Gordie Howe – Nerdie Howe

Wayne Gretzky – Plain Gretzky

Larry Bird – Mary Terd

Magic Johnson – Magic Johnson

Mike Schmidt – Mike Shit

Ryne Sandberg – Ryne Blandberg

Tug McGraw – Tug McCock

Warren Sapp – Boring Sapp

Michael Strahan – Michael Strayham

Kevin Youkilis – Kevin Guys-You-Kiss

Manny Ramirez – Fanny Ramirez

Moises Alou – Moises A-Poo

Joe Montana – Joe “Hannah” Montana

Bart Starr – Fart Starr

Johnny Unitas – Johnny United-Ass

Steve Yzerman – Steve Eyes-On-Men

Chris Carter – Chris Farter

Mitch Williams – Bitch Williams

Hank Aaron – Spank Aaron

Randy Moss – Mandy Sauce

Sam Bradford – Sam Nadterd

Tim Thomas – Tim Mom-Ass

Peter Forsberg – Peter Terdsberg

Joe Sakic – Joe Sacklick

Sammy Sosa – Sammy So-So

Robin Yount – Robin Cunt

Don Mattingly – Don Fattingly

Clayton Kershaw – Masterbayton Kershaw

Joe Flaco – Joe Faggo

Allen Iverson – Allen Cryverson

Vance Worley – Pants Girly

Pat Burrell – Fat Girl