Posts Tagged ‘insults’

I think the worst insult you can give a person is to tell them that they have a bad haircut. These are my reasons:

1) They look ugly. Nobody likes to look ugly. I do sometimes to keep some women and every homosexual man from touching me. You know how those gay men are, groping everyone they can. Plus people are nicer to you when you are ugly. They think you might be a dangerous serial killer and they have more respect for your personal space.

2) You paid to look ugly. The way we spend our money matters to other people for some reason. Making a poor purchase will change people’s opinions of us. Money is something that once you lose it you have no way of ever earning back. Haircuts are expensive too, starting at around $10 if you want a simple trim and some light flirting from the barber. They usually cost around $20 if you want to hear a good war story.

3) You accepted looking ugly. Not only do you look ugly and you paid for it, you accepted it. You rolled over and allowed yourself to appear less than perfect. The first thing people notice about each other is their skin color. The second is their haircut. If you have a bad one people will not like you.

I am not a person who ever has good haircuts. I shave my head once or twice a year and the rest of the time I let it grow out, dead and thinning. My hair looks like a brush fire went through it right now, probably because an actual hairbrush never has. Thank goodness for hats to hide my shame.

miley cyrus ugly hair miley cyrus haircut(Hey Stupid, put on a hat)

What’s your favorite insult?

Jock Insults

Posted: September 19, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , , , , , ,

 

I wish I was a jock. Prison movies have taught me one thing. If you want to get respect from the people you want to become, you have to find the biggest guy there and take him on. That’s why in my journey to become the ultimate jock I have decided to come up with insulting nicknames for some professional jocks, old and current. These nerds will be quivering in their mansions once they see what I have to call them.

 

Alex Rodriguez – Alex Clodriguez

John Elway – John Smellway

Peyton Manning – Peyton Womanning

Prince Fielder – Princess Fielder

Lou Gehrig – Lou Gay-Rag

Tom Brady – Tom Lady

Tony Romo – Tony Homo

Gregg Maddox – Gregg Buttox

Kurt Warner – Kurt Weiner

Chase Utley – Lace Buttley

Jose Reyes – Jose Gayes

Gordie Howe – Nerdie Howe

Wayne Gretzky – Plain Gretzky

Larry Bird – Mary Terd

Magic Johnson – Magic Johnson

Mike Schmidt – Mike Shit

Ryne Sandberg – Ryne Blandberg

Tug McGraw – Tug McCock

Warren Sapp – Boring Sapp

Michael Strahan – Michael Strayham

Kevin Youkilis – Kevin Guys-You-Kiss

Manny Ramirez – Fanny Ramirez

Moises Alou – Moises A-Poo

Joe Montana – Joe “Hannah” Montana

Bart Starr – Fart Starr

Johnny Unitas – Johnny United-Ass

Steve Yzerman – Steve Eyes-On-Men

Chris Carter – Chris Farter

Mitch Williams – Bitch Williams

Hank Aaron – Spank Aaron

Randy Moss – Mandy Sauce

Sam Bradford – Sam Nadterd

Tim Thomas – Tim Mom-Ass

Peter Forsberg – Peter Terdsberg

Joe Sakic – Joe Sacklick

Sammy Sosa – Sammy So-So

Robin Yount – Robin Cunt

Don Mattingly – Don Fattingly

Clayton Kershaw – Masterbayton Kershaw

Joe Flaco – Joe Faggo

Allen Iverson – Allen Cryverson

Vance Worley – Pants Girly

Pat Burrell – Fat Girl