Posts Tagged ‘latex gloves’


Posted: September 29, 2011 in September 2011
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I am an addict. I am addicted to drugs. I am addicted to alcohol. I am addicted to food. I am addicted to love. I am addicted to sex. I am addicted to TV. I am addicted to self-improvement. I am addicted to pain. I am addicted to getting tattoos. I am addicted to sports. I am addicted to candy. I am addicted to killing others.

All of the above is true. I don’t do a lot of them. But that doesn’t mean they’re not true. I know myself well enough by now that I am addicted to everything that I try. It doesn’t matter what it is. Even if science has proven that it does not cause addiction my mind and body will find a way to become addicted to it. I defy science. I’m like Superman or one of them Creationists except, sane. Superman must be the most insane superhero of them all. He was the strongest and nearly invincible and never wore a mask. NEVER! Even on Halloween he’d just hold up one of those gay rich people masks. La’Tee’Da Clarke. A superhero is only as good as his mask and villains. The only nemesis of Superman is a bald high school pal. It’d be like me having a war with that cancer kid from 10th grade geometry that stole my protractor.

I do my best to avoid everything that I could see myself potentially getting addicted to. I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink much at all anymore. I know that if I did then that’s all I would do. Instead of sitting in my apartment alone in the dark looking at blank Word Documents (Works Documents to be exact, for some reason I never get computers with Word, just Works) I’d be sitting there shoving beer and heroin down my throat. I know you don’t eat heroin, but I have an oral fixation and would need to at least attempt to chew on it.

My way of coping with addiction is to not do something I don’t think I’d be willing to do all the time at all. The best way to not become an alcoholic, don’t drink ever. The best way to not become addicted to sugar, avoid sugary snacks all the time. The best way to avoid becoming addicted to fun, don’t drink or eat sugary foods. Maybe my way isn’t the best or healthiest approach, but it keeps me on track. I can’t remember the last real dessert I ate and I’ve only had alcohol once in the last two years and that was because I was on vacation. There was a time when I tried to avoid sugar all together. That lasted 4 days and I began to binge on sugary foods whenever I could. Now I don’t worry about sugar. It’s in everything. Even the broccoli in my freezer has sugar in it. Broc-fucking-colli! The vegetable that I constantly trick myself into thinking I don’t mind only to fix myself a plate and feel like vomiting. Sugar is unavoidable and that’s fine. Why deprive myself completely of something that I can’t avoid? Every meal can’t be chicken and brown rice. Fuck. Even the chicken has some sugar in it. No wonder so many people have diabetes.

Food is easily mine and a lot of people’s biggest addiction. It’s something we all need. I can’t avoid it at all costs like I can do with drugs and alcohol. That’s why so many fat people exist. They use the same plan that I do. We’re all addicted to those tasty treats. Theme parks are named after foods that will kill us! Imagine that. Hershey’s chocolates have probably helped lead to the deaths of many people yet they get their own roller coasters and mascots dressed up as giant pieces of candy. I’m waiting for Red Meat Wet and Wild Water Kingdom to open up soon. Ride a steak through your own arteries trying not to get stuck.

The Internet is another thing that may fall into the same category as food when addiction is considered. It’s hard not to use the Internet. Everyone I know uses it. I’m sure some old-timers don’t and that’s probably because they haven’t discovered how many naked women are on there. Once they do, the top searches on Yahoo will be “Bingo”, “Matlock”, and “5 Cent Movie Tickets.” From the porn to the social networking websites to this very blog (there HAS to be someone out there that’s addicted to reading what I write, eventually at least) the Internet is a dangerous place full of procrastination. And isn’t that what’s so bad about addiction anyway? Because it stops you from doing stuff you really should be doing like showing up to work on time and respecting yourself.

The best advice I can give on addiction is that you should try to get as addicted to certain things as you can. I’ve never had a horrible addiction like some people unfortunately have, but I don’t think my advice has any less merit. Try finding things that will make you a better person. More importantly, things that will make you a happier person. I know drinking and drugging and fucking random people may make you feel good temporarily, but I’ve never heard a story about any of them that ends with a smile. Use our addictive natures to help others and to help yourself. Become addicted to cleaning up trash. Lose sleep over the need to help out at a soup kitchen. I know those are corny, but give me a break. I’d never do either of those two unless I was addicted to them. Addiction doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s what you’re addicted to that makes the difference.