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Posted: January 19, 2012 in Uncategorized
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The time has come for a new achievement to be announced. My 200th post! Woo-Hoo! I’d say I couldn’t have done it without a lot of help, but the truth is I could have done it all by myself. I wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun by myself and I might have given up by now. You can take that much away from being a part of this monumental occasion.

Did you know that no blog has ever had 200 posts? It’s true. I am currently in contact with the Guinness Book of World Records trying to get my place in history. They haven’t responded back yet and the only form of trying to contact them I have made has been shouting really loudly in the direction of their headquarters. I believe it’s south of me? Who knows. What matters is that I know what a champion I am.

For the few of you who were around for my 100th post, I am going to do something similar. I am going to link up to a few past posts. This time instead of doing them in order and giving you a history I am going to have each letter represent a blog title. I hope you enjoy some of my older, less/non-read posts and can take something away from the person I have grown into in that time period. Thank you and enjoy.

A is for Abs. You probably aren’t that in great of shape. It’s okay, none of us are. Maybe this will cheer you up. I’ll show you how abs are so overrated.

B is for Bananas. A very timely piece about when at a hockey game a black player had a banana thrown at him. You probably don’t remember that. It’s okay, we don’t expect much from the retarded.

C is for Champions. It is here that I try to convince you of what championships are the most valuable in today’s society. I’m not going to bother reading it to give you a better glimpse into what it is. If you’re a champion like me you will read it. Otherwise you’re a fraud like Michael Jordan. Did you know that he’s really two guys standing on each other’s shoulders?

D is for Dog Bets. I made a bet with my dog. Yes, he has a gambling problem. I didn’t quite cut off his fingers, but he did feel my wrath.

E is for El Chupacabras. You’ve probably always wanted me to discuss the mythological Mexican Goat Eater. I already did! Here’s your chance to “read all about it” as a newspaper boy might say.

F is for Foul Balls. I think only two people ever even clicked on this. That means neither of them ever read it. It’s kind of long, but I thought it was pretty good. It’s about bonding over balls with your dad. And it’s about falling to your death and getting a lame statue created in your honor.

G is for Golden Rules. I have my own interpretation of it. Want to better your life? This probably will not help.

H is for Holiday Battles. I pit each holiday against each other to figure out who has more holidays, God or US Soldiers. The results WILL shock you. And I typed will in all Caps. That means if it doesn’t you get your money back.

I is for Ironies. An amazing little tale that was so great that 2 people decided to share it on Facebook. Thank anonymous stalkers!

J is for Jock Insults. I came up with a list of mean names to call some of the biggest sports stars of today’s ESPN world. Then something funny happened.

K is for Kicks. I have to say, no one has ever broken down one single word as much as I do here. If you read my stuff a lot now and like when things get every which way, you will think this post is decent.

L is for Locations. I really liked this post. I don’t remember why. It was fun to do. It’s about where I live. Then it turns into why I live in a shitty place.

M is for Millionaire Dog Killers. This I wrote after Michael Vick was given a huge contract for having 6 great games and killing 3 times as many adorable puppies. To say I hope he breaks his neck is an understatement.

N is for New York Laws. It is here that I discuss how silly it is for some of their laws to exist. What laws you ask? Click on the link and find out! I’m such a good salesman.

O is for Obese Twins. There are too many twins where they are both disgustingly fat. That’s what I talk about here. Yeah, it was a slow day.

P is for Pirate Paths. This is not your run-of-the-mill pirate post. It’s more about the meaning of their lives with a few jokes about gays. I don’t know that last part for a fact. I’m assuming because I wrote it.

Q is for Quitters. Some people need to quit. I found two of them.

R is for Religious Brackets. Everyone loves putting things into brackets and finding out who the winner will be. I did it with religions. I even got Dick Vitale to do a voiceover for it. That’s actually a lie. I would never talk to Dick Vitale.

S is for Smarts. No clue what this is about. I’m only posting it because one person commented on it as every retarded person who know in person.

T is for Team Names. This is a post about offensive sports teams names and how we overlook some obviously offensive ones. I’m not much for getting offended about anything. This is more of a satire post. I know, who would have guessed I’d do something sarcastic.

U is for Unknown Origins. I take the time to wonder, where do all of those actors who play Holocaust victims come from? I’ve wondered this for years actually. I may have found my answer.

V is for Villains. There are a lot of bad people out there. I talk about them here. Yeah, I’m not feeling very clever after the first however many letters of the alphabet. 21? Yes because T is the 20th letter. I always remember that because my name begins with it.

W is for Writers. After I posted this, I got 3-4 new followers which at that time was amazing. Now I’m always getting random people following me then never commenting. Are they real or bots? I’m not sure. But thanks shitheads, I guess. Oh and this is about some writing seminar I went to.

X is for X-Rated Film Stars. Honestly, I only wrote this so I’d have something to put here. That shows you how far in advance I planned my 200th blog posting. And I’m waiting about a week in advance to get this done. I stink.

Y is for YouTube Sensations. Do you love it when other people’s lives suck? Read this!

Z is for Zoo Animals. It had to be this one. I never wrote about Zorros or Zuchinnis. Still, this is a pretty good one. We all love the zoo. And now here’s a review, of all the animals there. What is true, is that I wrote it all for you! (I am so poetic)

Since writing this up 2 weeks ago in preparation, I have not only also eclipsed 10,000 views but also 100 blog followers. Whole solid numbers! I love them. The bigger the better.

And finally, a special thank you to all of my readers, followers, people who link me on their blogs, people who comment, people who liked my posts but didn’t really read it, and anyone else who has had anything to do with this blog over the past 200 posts. You guys are tremendous. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have such a supportive, talented, funny, and sweet group of people to share my blog with and have them share theirs with me. I would call you my friends, but that sounds too lonely and desperate for relationships with others. I’m not like that. I’m more like Dexter. I have no feelings. But yes, I appreciate all of the comments, all of the compliments, and anything else good you have to say to me. It’s a great feeling to know that even though we could all be lying to each other and will most likely never have that big of an impact on each other’s lives, we still matter to each other right now in this moment. Thank you again. Keep up the great work. Keep being yourselves. Please don’t die.

-Tim “Mooselicker” (nobody has ever called me that in real life)

Adding to my 2-time championship reign as a Versatile Blogger Award Winner, I have recently been the recipient of something called The Liebster Award. Liebster, a word that in German means “dear” or which roughly translates into “Non-Jew” in English, is a great honor to be called, I think.

The award was given to me by two wonderful individuals who could very well be the same person masking themselves under multiple identities. Michael Cargill and Random Female Blog both presented me with these awards on the same day. How about that? Winning two awards in one day. I’m like Avatar but I’m still good outside of a movie theater setting.

In order to claim my prize I must give each of them a lap dance, beat a grizzly bear in a game of tic tac toe, and nominate 5 other blogs who I deem worthy of this privileged award. There are so many blogs to choose from. What I want to do is make sure that a few blogs that I often check out get some publicity. They have flown under the radar at times and deserve some attention. Here they are, my Liebster Award Winners:

Mindwarpfx: My first subscriber I ever got to my blog. That isn’t why he’s winning this either. He gave me a blow job, that’s why. He does something I don’t, he researches his topics. He has the ability to rant without seeming angry, a problem that I have. He’s well-informed (or at least has fooled me into thinking so) and deserves this award just as much as anyone who has gone down on me.

End of the Game: Yet again another smart cookie. Sometimes I don’t understand what he writes about it’s so intelligent. He’s into science, philosophy, and psychology. He enjoys long walks on the beach and bare-knuckle boxing with loved ones. If I ever have a question about the universe, this is the guy that I would ask.

The Adventures of Tootsie Woo: She’s silly, out of the ordinary, and comes across as lovingly adorable. There’s no real theme to it except for an explanation of all of the daily adventures she gets herself into. I love the quotes from her parents. They’re fun and remind me of what it was like to have a happy family before I murdered them all.

Paul Before Swine: This is a new blog I have found and I’m too lazy to research anything else. What I’ve read of his so far was great. His first blog I read and most recent about The Shining hade me howling! Okay, that’s an over exaggeration, but it was  really damn funny. I expect great things from him. Don’t let me down asshole!

Prone to Uncontrollable Fits of Laughter: The title says it all. I should stop right now and not say anything else. I won’t though. This is a blog that is updated frequently and has a lot to offer to everyone. Unless you’re blind. They’re this blog is useless to you. My favorite of the posts are the “First World Problems” that are up there on occasion. It reminds me how much greater my life is than those filthy cave dwellers over in Sweden.

So those are the award winners. I hope you can check them out and enjoy them as much as I do. I also hope these bastards appreciate the free plug.

Congratulations to you all. Your prize is forever being immortalized in the Hall of Liebster Award Winners located in Tallahassee, Florida. Stop on in the next time you take a trip to Disney World.