There are some jobs out there that when I see a girl in the uniform I go nuts. So nuts that I grab them then am asked to leave before the police are called.
1) Wawa Girls
Wawa is the 711 competitor in the northeast for those of you not familiar. It’s a lot better than 711. It has a deli with cute girls in hats with pony tails sticking out behind them. Adorable! I love girls that work at Wawa. I want to get a job there just so I can meet the girl I am going to marry.
The uniforms are black which I love on girls. I love that color on me too. I want to get one giant black shirt and have me and a couple of Wawa Girls get inside it and cuddle. They’ll make me a sandwich and smile at me and tell me to have a nice day. I’ll try to look at their name tag just on the off-chance that it’s something unique and I can find them on Facebook. There can’t be too many girls named Chelsea out there, right?
2) Police Women
If I’m driving and I notice that the cop with the radar gun is a female, not only do I speed, I open up a beer can and throw it out the window while changing lines without my turn signal. It’s my pickup line for the female cop. It hasn’t worked yet, but I’m still trying.
There are few dominant positions that women can have that I enjoy, a cop being one of them. It’s something about the uniform and the way it shapes their body. It’s almost as if they were drawn out of a comic book, perfectly proportioned. I don’t like being bound, but if it was a female cop’s handcuffs, I would do it even if I had to get dragged to the county line. I would do anything for a female cop. Except maybe obey the law, but that’s only so she’ll punish me.
3) Writing Ladies
I like a lady that considers herself a writer. It’s sexy. Even if she’s awful at it, the fact that she wants to be a big bad writer gets me all worked up. I just want to pinch their cute little cheeks as they try to be poetic.
The problem with female writers is that there is no look to them. Maybe if anything that proves how I am not shallow. Even if the girl is a big fat mess and is a writer I’ll at least talk to her and not make fun of her until later. I probably won’t date her or bother reading anything she’s written due to chocolate stains and her potentially excessive mention of ice cream, but I will respect her.
4) Bartending Lasses
Hot bartenders are the greatest. I have always wanted to do something filthy with a bartender. They’re the hardest girls to tame. The lion of the working class women.
One girl told me that she was a bartender, but then later told me that she was a waitress. I like waitresses who serve alcohol, but that’s like fucking a worker ant when the queen is right there. I want the top dog. I love the sass and the confidence of a female bartender. The way she can cheer me up and take getting her ass pinched. I also know they always date real men. UFC fighters and musical choreographers. Someday I’ll get a bartender to spit on me in a fun part of the body, I swear to it.
5) Barista Chicks
I don’t drink coffee and I really should because of my love for baristas. I really want to kiss one. Even if she has awful coffee breath, I want to kiss every cute barista that I ever come in contact with.
Baristas always seem so sweet and bubbly. It’s probably from all of the coffee that they drink and gets into their pores. I love bubbly girls. It’s like having a sexy puppy that I can do naughty things with. But not in a sick way. Baristas are usually dumb girls who think they are a lot smarter than they really are. They should be cheerleaders, but they’d rather pretend to be nerds. I love girls who work at Starbucks. I need to go there more often just for the eye candy behind the counter.
Looking back at it, I am attracted to women who serve me. That could explain my love for Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, and Spartacus.