Posts Tagged ‘sammy sosa high heat baseball’

There is one quick question you can ask anybody to find out why none of the relationships in their past have worked out. Say to them “What is the most important thing you want in a relationship?” Whatever they respond with is whatever they never got from a relationship. Although knowing this is important, I feel like I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t let you know what the common answers to this question are. Maybe after reading this you can help to improve a relationship in your life. I really don’t care if you do. You’re pretty unlovable anyway.

Response 1: Someone to be there for me when things get tough

Fair enough. Who doesn’t want people to be there for them when times are tough? That’s when we need people most. What this tells me about someone is that they had a boyfriend who would rather play video games than visit them in the hospital. Fair enough for him. Have you seen video game graphics these days? They’re so realistic it’s almost like connecting with another human being in need. You should be there with people you care about through everything, tough or not. People who don’t do this are the same people who bandwagon onto sports teams only when they do well. In other words, they’re scumbags.

sammy sosa high heat baseball

(A shot from Sammy Sosa High Heat Baseball from 2001. Their slogan was “it’s so real!” Not even close)

Response 2: Someone who lets me be me

Fair enough. Who doesn’t want to be with someone who lets them be who they are? Nobody likes to be told they should behave a certain way. I know I don’t. Teachers in my school used to tell me to stop swearing and put away my genitals. That’s me. Why can’t you accept that? People who give this response were probably in a relationship where the other person made they do a lot of things they didn’t like doing. I’m not even talking about sexual stuff either. I think with sexual stuff if they’re not willing to at least try something you’re not a match anyway. Is there really anything that weird about letting the dog watch? You should always be free to be who you are. If someone doesn’t let you then kick them to the curb or make them bite it then stomp on their head.

curb_stomp_1

(One man letting another man know he shouldn’t have to be anything else but who he is. If it wasn’t for the Swastika tattoo this would be more triumphant)

Response 3: Someone who is honest

Fair enough. Who wants to surround themselves with liars? Most of us won’t admit we hate the truth though. I know sometimes I like to hear a lie. I like to be told I’m the best. I know I’m not the best. Not until Dolph Lundgren passes away can I ever be the best at anything. People who say they want honesty in a relationship usually come from a relationship with a lot of lies. Can you really blame someone for lying in a relationship though? People screw up a lot and the only way to cover up these mistakes is to lie. But hey, you’re welcome to live a lie and have it eat away at you forever.

dolph lundgren

(The one man stopping me from greatness. Seriously, he’s like my exact double)

Response 4: Someone who will go the extra mile

Fair enough. Who wouldn’t like someone willing to do more than it takes for the other person? This response comes from people who escaped a relationship where the other person had a “I’ll see you when it’s convenient for me” attitude. I don’t like this attitude for anything. When it’s convenient for you? Honestly the convenient time for me to be nice to anyone is never yet I still do it because that’s what we’re supposed to do as humans. An extra mile doesn’t sound like much but it can be a lot. This one is pretty easy to do and isn’t asking for much at all. If you care about someone enough that mile will only seem like a couple inches. I don’t know what the metric equivalent is so sorry for excluding about 90% of the world from that last sentence.

metric_system_1-00

(Do they really expect me to read a picture? I’m not reading a picture)

Response 5: Someone with a sense of humor

Really? That’s all you want? Someone with a sense of humor? No really, you’re humoring me right now. As important as a sense of humor is in my life I would NEVER only associate with someone based on what they find funny. When people say they want a person with a sense of humor what they really mean is they want a person with a lot of other qualities and likes the same sitcoms they do. We all want someone we can laugh at other people with. Unfortunately though most people have a terrible sense of humor. I think I’ve laughed once this calendar year and it was at my own misfortunes.

guy with a

(No “guy with a sense of humor” on the list. Girls would rather find a guy with a gun, a six-pack, and a big head. Girls really just want Barry Bonds)

How would you answer the question “What is the most important thing you want in a relationship?” I can almost guarantee it’s something you have trouble finding from people in general let alone a relationship. I would say the most important thing to me in a relationship is…hmm I’ll leave this a mystery.