Every biography I have ever read is about a man who lives in New York City with his ugly wife, his autistic son, and his faggot dog.

You’ll find out more about me as I find out more about myself.

To contact me, leave $5 in your mailbox. From there I will leave a note with further instructions.

  1. Va Va Doom says:

    Haha best bio I have read thus far!

  2. E. He says:

    Why does the wife have to be ugly?

    • mooselicker says:

      They don’t have to be, they always end up being. I remember reading something by Stephen King where he talked about how beautiful his wife is. After seeing a picture I understood where he gets a lot of his inspiration for monsters….

      • E. He says:

        I just read this reply and then peed my pants.

        Anyway, the reason I came here in the first place was, well (besides the fact that I didn’t know where else to post this random comment) I found your (gravatar) twin!! Granbee, she’s a grandmother, writer, dreampainter, and so much more from Alabama!

        Perhaps you friendly flappers have already been acquainted, but I thought I might inform you anyhow that I came across three penguins just like yours.

      • mooselicker says:

        Never heard of her. And I’m not using a mafia tactic either denying any knowledge.

        She probably has the same PC as me. I just grabbed the sample pictures as my avatar and gravatar haha

  3. Becoming Bitter says:

    Not my biography…

    Do I need to pay 5 bucks to join to your blog too?

  4. Howdy Moose man

    You got nominated by me for the Liebster blog award! Huzzah!

    Now get nominating and start behaving yourself please/

  5. eva626 says:

    lol love the bio page. those are sad biographies !

  6. fuck. my bio mentions my faggot dog. he is pretty gay though. i mean, we go to the dog park and all he wants is to get reamed by the biggest swingin’ dick black Lab in the joint.

  7. I nominated you for an award, because you’re cool and I like your blog. Check it out homey. Keep licking mooses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Hey man, thought you’d like to know I wrote a post up about that suicide forest I visited and told you about in a comment somewhere. You can read it here, scary stuff!

  9. Found this by coincidence and now I’ve spent the last hour and a half loving your blog!

    You’re brilliant and I’m deeply impressed and amused by what’s going on in your mind 🙂

    Thank you!

  10. kayennepeppa says:

    BAH. Somebody beat me to it! Oh well. you get two.

  11. Hey you! I’ve chosen to nominate you for both the Liebster Blog Award and the Versatile Blogger Award. Should you choose to accept them, you can find some more info here:
    You can also visit it just because there’s a video of the B52’s Rock Lobster. Either way, you can’t lose 😉

  12. breezyk says:

    word homeboy I gave you the One Lovely Blog award! go check it out:

    Did I sound legit there with all my “words” and “homeboy”‘s ? I hope so.

  13. Congratulations! Because I enjoy reading your blog so very much, I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award! I hope you’ll accept!

  14. Glad to have found this blog. Your bio alone made my night. To think I almost went to bed first.

  15. julesagray says:

    Every blog in Chicago is about how fucked up this city is politically (and the blogger is actually surprised by this–duh-asshole–it’s been like this since Lincoln was a but a glimmer in his daddy’s peen), how the Cubs will win it ‘next year’ (dream big, choad, they suck. Wrigley Field sucks and so do you) and how Chicago really isn’t a cow town when it really, really fucking is.
    Glad I found your blog. I love you.

  16. […] This is the first blog I ever read on WordPress. It made me want to create my own blog, so I did! I owe a lot to Mooselicker. Reading what he puts up makes my day […]

  17. Congratulations, you have been nominated for the Liebster Award!


    The Liebster is an award you accept with the intention of paying it forward. When accepting, you choose other blogs that you feel are deserving of more subscribers and pass the award on to them. You are not obligated to accept the award or to even pay it forward. This is just a way to get the word out about new blogs that your followers may not know. I always enjoy your blog and I hope you’ll accept!

  18. Brother Jon says:

    I’ve given you the blogger of the year award at Please come check it out.

  19. becca3416 says:

    I guess it is about time I follow you.

  20. “To contact me, leave $5 in your mailbox. From there I will leave a note with further instructions.”…You watch Black Books don’t you….

  21. […] childhood when she is swimming instead of doing TV-viewing research for her future blog Kidz Showz. Tim takes his future commitment to Kidz Showz far more seriously and has opted to stay home from the […]

  22. Still hilarious as always after I followed you a year ago. Good shit, Mooselicker.

  23. […] write books like Maddie and Moose, this may take a […]

  24. Tom Moroney says:

    Tim, Can you contact me? I’m a reporter with Bloomberg News. I’m writing a story about the NJ-NY commute and saw your piece on your commute. My number: 617-210-4617. Thanks, Tom Moroney, Bloomberg News

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