“Home is where the heart is”
I have a lot to say about this quote. The first is that it’s poorly written. It’s six words long and already you’re repeating. This quote is so old that there has been plenty of time to edit it to look better on paper. The more important thing that needs to be said about this quote is how cruel it is. What about homeless people? Does this mean they have no heart? What about people without hearts? Does this mean they deserve to be homeless? It’s a confusing quote which really has little to do with what I want to do here. I want to compare apartments and houses to figure out which one is better.
When things break and you live in an apartment you can usually call up the maintenance men to fix it. They’ll most likely smell and have weird paint stains on their skin. Working in the industry they do, unclogging toilets, they still tend to be pretty nice. When you live in a house it is much more annoying to get things fixed. You have to call in a professional and everything that gets fixed costs money. I grew up in a house where everything was broken except for the people living in it so it’s nice to be able to have maintenance men fix everything. I was kidding before when I said the people in the house weren’t broken. We were and are and will continue to be.
(Jesus lady, how big was your dump that you’re making this face?)
Lawn care can be fun for men who enjoy beer, golf, and not satisfying the needs of their wife. The best thing about apartment living is you don’t need to worry about a lawn, in most instances at least. Living in a house means you have to mow it, make sure it doesn’t die, and clean up any animal shit that might appear there. It can become costly to maintain even an ugly lawn. The only downside to not having a yard is your children are more likely to be fat because they will have little choice but to play video games all day long. At least it will build character.
(Oh look it’s this douche again)
Something you must consider when moving into a new place is the ghost factor. When I say ghosts I mean anything paranormal. I’m not sure if I actually believe in the existence of these creatures but it’s always a worry. You have to figure fewer people have died in a house than in an apartment. People usually own a house for like what, 20 years? Once one person dies in it they move on. People are always dying in apartments. And even if they aren’t actually dying in the apartments, people who lived in those apartments are surely dying somewhere else. I’m not sure if I was a ghost I would actually go back to living in an apartment I spent a lot of time in. Do ghosts have a choice? I think in asking that question I skipped over a lot more important ones like “Is there a God?” and “Do ugly people still look ugly in Heaven?”
(This looks like the ghost of Paul Revere Photobombing a picture in Tokyo. Yes, because they’re Asian they have to be living in China. And yes, because I’m a racist I assume Tokyo is in China)
When it comes to choosing where you will live the two most important factors should be space and beauty. You need enough room to put your shit and it needs to look nice once you do. I guess that sounds a little shallow in a way. It involves being materialistic and kind on the eyes. But life is shallow so let’s not get all uppity. Houses problem win as far as space and beauty is concerned. What can you do to make an apartment look beautiful other than buy a weird-looking Ikea couch? Apartments are basically storage units with more rats. A house is definitely the way to go if you care about other people’s opinions. Everyone is always judged when they live in an apartment. People will say you have no money and you have no friends and nobody loves you enough to marry you and buy a house with you. At least that’s my reasoning for why people say those things to me.
I don’t know what the point of this was. Where would you rather live?
Mooselicker 