Young People Indiscretions

Posted: June 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

So my last post was about how painful a conversation with an old person can be. What to me exactly is an old person? It’s anyone twice my age or older who also can be easily pushed over. Are you 48+ and have poor balance? You’re old! I want to lay off the octogenarians today. Instead my focus will go onto young people and recent events that have arrived into my life to make me hate them even more. What exactly is a young person you ask? Anyone within 10 years of me who deserves to die based on their personality. No wonder the Democrats always win. Our country is full of young people.

(Young people, always looking down at others like they’re the cat’s meow. Look at me, I have one black friend. I’m so cultured. I cannot until the government starts mustard gassing the Occupy Wall Street idiots)

I’ve always been a person who has gotten along better with older people. Actually no. Maybe not. I have had friends much older which always made me feel cool. Until they got a new friend who was younger. Then I felt like I had been replaced and I could no longer get away with being bad by saying W’s instead of R’s. “I’m sowwy” doesn’t work as an apology when you have a beard. Plus I get letters confused sometimes. I’ll say R’s instead of L’s to try to be cute. Friends will think I’m insulting Chinese Americans and get pissy with me. They’re young and full of white guilt. Insulting people from a nation who oppress their people is very insensitive.

One thing young people don’t seem to do is say “thank you.” They do say sorry. If instead of saying sorry girls had sex with me I would never have to venture into the city for a whore ever again. Why is it that a person might apologize but not say thanks? I think it’s a guilt thing. Young people hate being in trouble. I’m not quite sure what being in trouble really even means. Other than with the law. Why would someone over 18 be upset if someone else over 18 was mad at them? I get it if you’re a kid and your parents are mad or vice versa. But if your boss is mad at you? If the diners at Denny’s don’t seem to like you? Why care? I like being thanked when I go out of my way for people. I helped a girl out with something recently. I won’t say what or who it was because it wasn’t exciting and I’m not even sure who she was. Yes, I only helped her because her breasts shook as she walked. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have helped her otherwise. I would have been less eager is all I’m saying. Bitch didn’t even thank me! From now on when I see her I am farting in her direction.

 (My good friend Scarecrow informing me which direction I should fart in)

Young people also never follow directions or listen to others. I hate this. I mean yeah, if it’s an old person talking, ignore them. But when a fellow young person like myself gives you a warning, open your ears. Again, recently I warned a young person about a problem. Sorry for being vague. It’s pretty boring to tell you about how I had helped the big bosomed girl find some keys and warned this idiot how a computer may not work. He used the computer anyway. After a very stern warning from me. Then he acted as if he had no idea. Didn’t we have a conversation? Take your Colorado Rockies had and shove it up your ass. You’re not from Denver. You’re Spanish. They don’t have Spanish people there. Spanish people can’t breath in thin air. Your name doesn’t even start with a C. Don’t pass this off like a dumb rapper would.

(My basis on the populous of Colorado)

Drama is a word homosexuals use when telling you about their college major or young people use to describe what they hate in their lives. Anyone who says they hate drama is dramatic. Like people who hate ghosts. You only hate ghosts because ghosts follow you around. You probably are a ghost too. People who hate drama bring it upon themselves. My upstairs neighbor who is a year younger than myself is the most dramatic woman ever. What did I hear her complaining about today? Facebook drama! She has two children. She placed the body part of one, or very likely many, men inside of a certain place on her body and out came two large objects with similar DNA to herself. It’s silly to get all bent up over someone on Facebook telling you that you “have to get your life together” as she said throwing in a few motherfuckers like it was punctuation. “Who is she to tell me I don’t have my life together? Fuck that bitch!” she went on to say. If you get this enraged by what someone says on Facebook then you clearly do not have your life together.

The worst thing young people do is exist. Breathing in air I could be breathing in makes me hate them. I hate young guys who act as if they’re hot shots. You’re not. You have good posture. That’s all you have that I don’t. If I ever learn how to stand up straight then what will you have to gloat about? I hate young girls who act as if they’re princesses and I’m some smelly serf. I get it that I may smell and usually am plowing fields like a serf might do, but act as if I am present in mind and body. There is nothing more unattractive about a girl than one who never smiles. You’re a young white American woman. You haven’t had a problem doing anything in 100 years. You don’t even have to be good at singing to be a famous singer. Smile, look pretty, and treat everyone you meet like they’re worth something. Otherwise break a high heel and tear an Achilles in the process.

(Nancy Grace. Patient Zero containing vagina dentata)

This turned into more of a rant than anything else. I had not planned for it to be that way. I’m sure young people have something good to offer. We have already given you Lady Gaga songs, Zac Efron movies, and other amazing art that puts the Italian Renaissance to shame. I ask you, what is it you hate about young people? Is there anything to like besides smooth skin?

  1. Smooth skin is overrated. Especially because it’s usually wrapped around really obnoxious, entitled, smug idiots. And younger people aren’t as good in the sack.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Is it the daringness of thinking your mate could have a heart attack at climax that keeps you going back to them?

      You’re right about smooth skin. Unless you’re using it as toilet paper it should not matter.

      • The risk of imminent heart attack would certainly make it interesting but I was thinking more about how the young’uns just don’t know their way around… experience counts, you know.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Anytime I’m going somewhere new I try to go there a day in advance. It’s harder with some things in life than it is with others.

  2. Old people/young people… I knew it… you are developing a style… how dare you? This is not a word I can associate with you. Also, I am 52. But I am also 6 feet 4 inches. 230 pounds, and have size 15 feet. I practice regularly in both armed and unarmed fighting styles. Try pushing me over. The big feet form a very stable base, and even if I fall it will most likely be on top of you. So unless you can run carrying 230 pounds, stop and think it through first.
    Also, I think the problem you may be having is not conversations with old or young people, but with stupid people of varying ages.
    On the other hand, young people are, for the most part, very annoying. Who do I think is young? Well now, let me see…

    • Mooselicker says:

      You’re hard to knock over? Until I can push you to the ground you will remain middle-aged.

      Definitely correct about stupid people of varying ages. It’s a potpourri of nonsense. At least I get all sides of the story. I realize young people feel they are so important and older people feel their grandchildren are important. So whose fault is it? The young people thinking they’re important because their grandparents say so or the old people for continuing the vicious cycle?

  3. Lily says:

    This is exactly how I feel about our generation. Glad it’s not just me. I picture the cast of South Park as the population of CO as well actually. I hate when people don’t listen or don’t say thank you. It’s so weird. Also, speaking of replacing L’s with R’s, my Japanese cousins used to call me Rirry instead of Lily. It was the worst.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Haha did they really? The pilot episode of Modern Family had a joke related to that. They say they named the baby Lily and Phil says “Isn’t that going to be hard for her to say?” It gets overlooked.

      I think most of our generation hates each other. But like my hate is very high for it. It’s more people 3-4 years younger now. I never remember being such a douche. I was fearful and apologetic. I blame the MTV and free Radiohead music.

  4. I do say thank you. And I do have a relatively bad balance.
    Does that mean that I’m old anyway though I’m actually young?

  5. You are one hypocrite young person, Mooselicker! I could site all the reasons why people should not believe anything in your blog but you have no problem in doing that yourself. First, you bash the old ones, then here you are doing the same thing to young’uns. You are a hater. You are a disgrace to human race. I simply refuse to yield to your wisdom. We need inspiration. We don’t need you – we already have lady gaga who they say isn’t really a lady, and that jepsen girl’s song ranking number one but as to why I could never really understand, young people who think everyone else is an idiot for not seeing the world as it is like they do but they’re the real idiots because they can’t open their minds enough to realize that what they think is really a sticky wad of booger. We need someone to cheer us up. We need someone to take us to mounts of glory like we never yet experienced. We need to be enlightened. We don’t need realistic, funny social commentaries like the one you give us!

    I think I just promoted your blog.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Didn’t I say yesterday how you’re an angry person deep down inside? Your claws are coming out.

      I did not want young people to feel I was on their side. This was very necessary. I should permanently be 34 years old. Like forever that age. I’d be passed my peak yet have enough time to think I can turn things around.

      But thank you for the compliments. Or insults. Either way thank you! Something you may not hear from a young person ever again.

  6. AgrippingLife says:

    When somebody from your generation says thank-you, is courteous, and shows he or she has impeccable manners, they stand out. I’m so attracted to people that know how to conduct themselves in public. Our world is slowly turning to crap with each successive generation of imbeciles. Oops, did I just really write that? I thought I was just thinking it. Haha!

    • Mooselicker says:

      Haha there’s one thing everyone can agree on, people are getting worse. It’s not even the people I know who behave badly. It’s all people I avoid. I’m sure you taught your kiddos well. I could never imagine Lily saying anything bad about a person without at least adding a please in there to confuse them.

  7. So, when I am reading your blog, I don’t conjure up all the negative things others have already worked up. As a result some of the off the wall comments are more shocking than the blog material. Funny stuff, dude. So far nothing has been spared and I like that.

    • Mooselicker says:

      It’s a flow of ideas more than anything. This is my therapy. Clearly I have some mental disorder. At least I’m taking advantage of it and entertaining a few people along the way. Or ruining their lives. I don’t care. I’m just that evil.

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