It’s February and people are tagging me. Don’t they see how everyone else is sick right now? That’s a good way to spread a disease! LOLLLL I was going to start this off with a picture of a skin tag but decided against it as I don’t want that picture on my computer.
1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!
Here are my answers to their questions:
1. If a magical Genie granted you three wishes with the condition that you could keep one, but had to give the other two away; what would they be? My first wish would be to be the best in the world at something that I can do for a living that makes me happy, successful, and reasonably wealthy. It doesn’t have to be too stinking rich, but enough where I don’t feel guilty about buying soft toilet paper. That’s the one I’d keep. My second wish would be a cure for cancer. I’d give that one away to some nice scientist so he could get credit and win a prize. My last wish would be for a new incurable disease even worse than cancer. Only one person would ever have it and whoever my biggest enemy at the time would be given this wish.
2. What chore do you hate doing the most? Cleaning in general annoys me. Doing the dishes is something I don’t mind. But even the 5 minutes of scrubbing the toilet or bath tub is dreadful in my eyes. Laundry is annoying too because I have to go outside to do it. My neighbors see me sometimes and say hello. So I guess being friendly to those around me is my least favorite chore.
3. Do you or anyone else think you look like a living or dead, famous person? Yes. I get lots of these. The most recent was Billy Corgan which I don’t look like at all. It’s because everyone born after 1990 thinks all people with short hair look like him. Everyone born before that go to Michael Stipe. I think I look like a chubby-faced Joel McHale and when I starve myself my face looks like Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia. Both our eyes droop when we don’t get our vitamins.
4. Are you a morning or a night person? Neither. I’m barely a person. I either have to get things done immediately after waking up or the last three hours before going to bed. I take it back. Neither isn’t my answer. Both is more accurate.
5. If you could be one superhero; who would it be, and why? Batman. Hands down I would be Bruce Wayne. He’s rich, sleeps around, and handsome. Except when he was Michael Keaton. Why was he ever Batman? Batman is a regular guy and if he ever wanted to he could just walk away from the superhero business. He has options. Superman is stuck being pussy whipped forever by that clod Lois Lane.
6. What were the best and worst gifts you ever received? I’ll say the best was tickets to a comedy show I wasn’t expecting from my older sister this past Christmas. I don’t know if it was actually the best as much as it was the most surprising. The worst is anything my grandmother has gotten me that didn’t have a dollar sign on it. She gave me banana bread one year. Don’t get me wrong, banana bread is delicious but it shouldn’t be wrapped up in newspaper and given to a child.
7. Can you describe who you really are in 20 words or less? Probably not. I think I’d have a better chance at describing myself in a Haiku. I’m not even quite sure who I really am. I’m not complicated or anything. I’m not one in a million or “just your average guy” like everyone claims to be. I’m me. A self-conscience, lost, monkey in tap shoes trying to please others for no real reason at all, righteous, sneaky person. I’m not bad or good. If reincarnation exists, in the next life I will be something neutral. Like a Swiss grasshopper.
8. What was the hardest thing you ever had to do? Pooping on a high protein diet can be difficult. I don’t think that’s what you mean. I’ve never had to do anything really that hard. As long as I’m not the first to do something I assure myself that I can survive it.
9. If you had to give up one modern convenience; what would it be? I don’t use most modern conveniences in general. At home, I don’t have cable, the Internet, a toaster, more than one lamp, or any Apple Products. I’d choose iPods though. I guess they’re convenient because all of your music is in one place. I only own five CDs anyway. I don’t need them to be in one place. I also wouldn’t mind giving up cars if I could somehow still make money without one. Prostitution could work.
10. What was the strangest dream you ever had, about? Every dream I have is strange. My most memorable ones are the ones that I wake up and try to write in my phone what happened. I had one where the fat guy, Craig, from Malcolm in the Middle came to my birthday party with a guitar. He sang a song entitled “Just Like The Pope” which was about how I had the same birthday as The Pope. I don’t have the same birthday as The Pope. But I did write a full version of the song because of it. I also had another dream which inspired me to write a television pilot. It’s probably my favorite one I’ve written. A popular girl in high school gave me a blow job in one dream. That one was really inaccurate.
11. What scares you? Other than the obvious, wasting my life. I would hate to die and know that everything I’ve put hard work into accomplishing was for nothing. So please, if I die prematurely, go through my computer and find all of the files that I have been working on. I promise you won’t find any pornography.
1. Die a bit younger with all your facilities or, die at a ripe old age, having no idea what is going on? Definitely a bit younger. Isn’t a bit younger like 73 now? That’s a lot of time. It’ll be 2060 when I die. I already don’t have much of a clue as to what’s going on. And how are old people ripe? They’re rotten if anything.
2. Have you ever eaten gefilte fish? No and I can’t imagine saying that without a thick Jewish woman’s accent. Which if you’re an agent, I can do.
3. Your perfect companion. I guess my girlfriend? I don’t know if she reads my blog that often. If she does, definitely her. If she doesn’t, someone who is even more like the female version of myself. I guess in the end I am my own perfect companion. I never steal food from myself. That’s always a worry of mine if trapped somewhere like an Alaskan cave.
4. Do you still write real letters? No, but I do handwrite ideas. I used to write letters all of the time to sports heroes. I still have some that I never sent out. Stamps are expensive.
5. Movie or play or book? Not a play. I’ve never seen a play that really blew me away. Books are good because they give hours of entertainment. And you can always go back and look at certain parts. A movie seems like a 2 or 3 time thing. I can’t watch too many movies more than that. If I can quote the movie, it was on TBS way too often. “Not these guys again!” – Brendan Fraser, The Mummy Returns
6. What have you done you’d prefer your parents not discover? I haven’t done anything all that bad. Especially not compared to them. There are no actions I’ve done that I’m afraid of hiding. It’s the things that I am that scare me. Like not mysterious enough to have something to hide.
7. Do you/Did you like your in-laws? I guess we can go with my girlfriend’s family? They’re fine. Nice people who have never said or done anything directly at me to my face. I wouldn’t associate with them in any other circumstance. I have very neutral feelings. They’re just there and don’t really impact my life all that much. Kind of like caterpillars.
8. Regular coffee or the fancy schmancy stuff? None. I would choose the fancy stuff though. It’s fancy and I’m a fancy man. I own two pairs of dress shoes. How’s that for fancy?
9. One thing on your bucket list. Move somewhere completely different. It’s the scariest feeling in the world to know that I’m in a completely new place. To me, that’s like skydiving and playing football with a baby whilst doing so. Frightening.
10. Biggest surprise you’ve had. That my life is not one iota like I thought it would be. I probably aimed too high. I figured I’d have at least one MVP Award by now. Instead I toil away in mediocrity. Eating cereal for lunch in my car.
11. Pick an ethnicity other than you own. Why? Black. I’m surrounded by them right now and they’d hit me if I didn’t choose them. If I had to be another ethnicity I would be Asian though. They’re the wave of the future. Everyone likes a good Asian Underdog Story. Look at Jeremy Lin. People who don’t even know what Asia is love the guy.
And now for my questions. The following people have been tagged to answer them.
1. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you think you would become?
2. Who is your biggest celebrity crush?
3. Angels, Bigfoots, or Aliens; which one do you think is most likely to exist?
4. What is something that everybody seems to enjoy that you hate?
5. If you opened your front door and I was there, what would you say? What would you really be thinking?
6. What is your favorite movie and why?
7. There has to be something that you believe you’re the best at, what is it?
8. Who is the ugliest person you know and why are they so ugly?
9. Is love unconditional?
10. Lots of people have addictions. What is yours?
11. What is the nicest compliment you have ever received? What is something that you would like to be complimented more about you?