The following was originally sent to CollegeHumor, the funniest website in the world. They never swing and miss. This was never actually rejected by them. Instead they removed it from my submissions then never told me where it stood with them. So instead of using an original thought they collected creepy pictures of Easter Bunnies scaring children like everyone else does. I suppose college kids would enjoy that more than my simple list. When I finally do write-up my 25th Hour speech college kids are going to be near the top.

The Best Easter Egg Hiding Spots by Tim Boyle (left to rot in a mailbox by CollegeHumor)

Easter can be a tough holiday on some parents. Other than trying to convince their children about how the whole Jesus thing could even be possible, they have to find clever hiding places for Easter eggs to make the hunt all the more interesting. Here are some of the best places to hide Easter eggs. Surely they will provide a challenge for even the smartest (most Asian) of children.

1) In a cupboard too high for your child to look

2) Inside the Ark of the Covenant

ark of the covenant

3) Alongside Jimmy Hoffa’s body

4) Wherever Barack Obama’s promises went

5) The anus of a chicken

6) Anywhere on the lost continent of Atlantis

atlantis continent

7) In the vegetable drawer (kids hate vegetables)

8) Blockbuster


9) On the Miami Marlins baseball squadron’s starting lineup

10) In a known child molester’s back pocket

11) In the DVD case for Battlefield Earth

12) Don’t hide any eggs at all and teach the child about never trusting anyone

13) With M. Night Shyamalan’s decision making skills


14) Anywhere on Oprah’s Channel that she rarely appears on which I hear is annoying, not that I watch it or anything

15) In a shark’s stomach

16) Outside, and when the child steps outside tell them to play rather than spend all their time on a computer and in front of a television so they don’t end up like me

17) Zooey Deschanel’s bangs


18) In a dream within a dream within a dream (for Inception fans)

19) Among the massive pile of Live Strong bracelets at the city dump

20) Inside the garbage disposal

Where would you hide your Easter eggs this year?

  1. HAHAHAHA! They didn’t accept this? What’s wrong with them?!

    And I’d probably hide it back where it belong, in number 5.

    • Mooselicker says:

      They don’t accept anything. I’ve tried simple, I’ve tried complicated, and I’ve tried a million other things. No theme I send them seems to fit. I sent it a long time ago to give them a head-start on making pictures and stuff too. Screw them.

  2. Okay, that was funny and cute. I love to be a little bit mean when hiding eggs. Frustration is good for kids.

  3. The Waiting says:

    We are going to be hiding her eggs in plain sight in the middle of the lawn since she’s a baby and will be doing well to understand what the heck is going on at all.

  4. Luddy's Lens says:

    Tub of scorpions! You forgot the tub of scorpions!

    *I bet that’s why CollegeHumor didn’t use it….forgot the tub of scorpions…jeezis…*

  5. benzeknees says:

    I haven’t had to hide easter eggs for a lot of years, but I might suggest in the dirty laundry hamper.

  6. calahan says:

    Their loss. Had this been on CH’s site, I never would’ve read it.

  7. tinkadele says:

    Maybe CH don’t use you because they’re worried there would be like.. a big uproar for more Tim Boyle material and then you would take over their whole website, there would have to be a whole rebranding and everything. I’m pretty sure that this is what it is so don’t worry, just keep posting your rejections here – we enjoy them!

  8. Pete Howorth says:

    “Zooey Deschanel’s bangs”

    I bet she does. Hur hur.

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