I have been watching a lot of TV lately. Not necessarily on a TV. Like the Harvey Danger song, I don’t own a TV. I did spend a few days at my dad’s though and he has TV. The only thing he ever watches is Army Wives on Lifetime. He’s seen every episode except for one because the cramps his PMS was giving him hurt too bad to pay attention.
The first thing I actually watched was at home. I broke down and signed up for Netflix because I watched everything on YouTube I could ever watch. I caught up on Weeds and now I have to wait a few more months for the final season to show up on Netflix to find out what happens to the world’s worst mother. Granted, I would much rather watch Mary Louise Parker have her hair pulled during sex with a bartender than I would see her show up at a PTA meeting. Watching Weeds always makes me wish I was Uncle Andy. He does absolutely nothing with his life and yet has so many adventures. The only woe in his life is that Mary Louise Parker will not have sex with him. Andy annoyed me when her first entered the Botwin household but in later seasons he has proven himself to be a more relatable loser. I would love to be a bike tour guide in Copenhagen. Andy got to do this for three years. Why is fiction better than reality?
(It’s a shame his animal practice didn’t work out. Only the three people in the world who watched Animal Practice will even notice the connection)
Once I got to my dad’s I stopped with Netflix and focused on whatever was on the boob tube. The first thing I watched was WWE Monday Night Raw which was the first time in almost a year I’ve actually watched on TV. It was as disappointing as I remembered. The next morning I watched an episode of Victorious, you know, for research for Kidz Showz then the Guy Pearce movie Ravenous. Ravenous is one of those movies from the 90s that I remember the advertisements for yet never saw. It was decent and like all horror movies went downhill in the final act. I was watching the edited version too and I think I missed the pedophile from Ferris Bueller’s Day off getting killed in full.
My week continued with watching television while I sat on the couch with my laptop trying to write and occasionally having his dog try biting my finger. By the end of the week the energetic puppy was passing out earlier than he ever does and unable to wake up in the mornings. I wore the little guy out, almost entirely from chasing him around a coffee table.
(This is from another time I spent with the dog, but he refused to wear his coat this time around and I wanted to include at least one picture of a dog in a coat here)
The majority of my television watching was going back and forth between Chiller and FearNet. These channels are mostly horror themed. One had some great syndicated shows on during the day while the other had good movies on at night. The only film in particular I remember watching was Southland Tales. I was one of 5 people to see it in theaters, those 5 people being in the theater I saw it in. It was the guy who did Donnie Darko’s follow-up which means it was strange. I kind of liked it even though I didn’t understand much. I like The Rock, Sean William Scott, and Sara Michelle Gellar so maybe I’m bias. It’s a complicated film. Cheri Oteri also looks kind of hot in it which they need some credit for.
(Somehow this was a very important part to understanding the film. It’s okay if you’re confused)
During the day while my dad and his girlfriend were at work I continued my anthology of television watching. Shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction, and other stuff made occupied my background noise while I stuffed my face with snacks all day long. The only time I felt like I was having a heart attack from the poor diet was when I was eating tuna. Seriously? The one food I’m used to eating makes me pound on my chest to make sure I don’t collapse on the ground. I’m not sure what kind of a cruel joke this is by God, but it is certainly a mean one.
The only actually film away from television I watched was pretty early on during my stay. With my dad I watched his favorite movie, Carny. This came out in 1980 and stars Gary Busey as a dunk tank clown and Jodie Foster as a runaway. Gary Busey is surprisingly not too creepy in it. My dad has a strange obsession with carnivals and freak shows. Later on in the week we watched episodes of the AMC show Freak Show, then the show about taxidermy, and then the comic book show that comes on after. We were mostly annoyed and he went to bed.
(Gary Busey as the clown, Jodie Foster as the whore, and some guy who looks like Bill Hicks that my dad seemed fond of)
I also watched a few James Bond movies on G4 during the week only to realize how much James Bond movies suck. They’re very boring and the characters are too silly. I say this with Odd Job being a great character in my mind too.
I returned home now without cable and only the radio to provide background noise for me at all times. I went back to Netflix to watch Wilfred and realize I had just lived the show. I spent a week sitting around with a dog not really accomplishing much. The only thing missing was my dad’s dog does not smoke pot or have an Australian accent. Buddy the Dog chooses to do heroin and he has an Indian accent. This is much different than Wilfred.