Big Games

According to sources, today is the Big Game. I cannot say the more commonly used word for the Big Game as I was sued in 1997 for doing it. Ever since not being able to pay and having my legs broke, I have been very careful not to make the same mistake again.

I have little experience in watching the Big Game. Only in 2008 when the New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots have I ever watched a game all the way through. It was the lone Big Game Party I was ever invited to. I think I ate some chicken. There was a kid that looked like Zac Efron there. I ate some hot sauce too and didn’t spill any.

(Speaking of hot sauce, where’s this kid’s belt???)

I remember watching a little bit of a Big Game many years ago. I did not understand the sport. It was at that moment I realized I might be a woman. Not that all women are incapable of understanding sports. I just think there are a lot out there who do not. When you call them the Cincinnati Bangles every time your team plays them your interests are better suited for 1980s pop music.

(Good move adding “Includes: Walk Like an Egyptian” because nobody would buy it otherwise)

The last few years I was usually doing something else on Big Game Sunday. Since I haven’t had cable in a while my viewership has been limited to the radio broadcast. I use theater of the mind in order to have something to talk about with others the following day.

Last year I listened to the game on the radio. I lied to a couple of people the next day and said I was at a Big Game Party because saying I sat around at home listening to the game on the radio because I do not have cable because I find it unnecessary and distracting while doing pushups every 10 minutes to better increase my desirableness to the opposite sex and only a few members of the same sex would have taken a long time.

(I don’t match any of these! Darn media and their portrayal of the human body!)

I will probably have to lie about watching the Big Game again this year because I work with mostly men who think they know sports. One said Pete Rose is the all-time hits leader with 3,000 of them. Another said the Detroit Red Wings are the second best team in the NHL this season. My apologies to 1jaded1 of Stuphblog for bringing this up.

Come Monday I will probably try to finagle my way through a conversation, pretending as if I actually watched the Big Game. Again, this is easier than the long explanation. Considering the one guy said “What am I supposed to do with my W-2 Form?” we can assume he never worries about money. His father is also a New York stockbroker so he hasn’t had a hard day in his life.

Enjoy the Big Game everyone. Or don’t. Doesn’t matter to me.