I forgot I had a file on my computer labeled “Submissions.” Despite your best guest, this fall was not filled with different ways to tie a girl down. These were things I had planned to submit to popular humor websites like University Funny or Cocained. I was tired of always being rejected on everything I submitted so this file sat dormant and untouched since June 20th when I guess I last added something to it. This is just a little behind the scenes as to where this little ditty came from. I was going to submit some of these along with the other things I am writing for Yahoo, but I don’t want to be too edgy there, plus I can live without the 5 cents this would earn me.

What Your Breakfast Choice Says About Your Sex Life

Hearty-Breakfast

Can your choice of breakfast really give others an idea what you are like in bed? Scientists will say no. Keep in mind, many scientists do not believe in Intelligent Design. This means scientists must believe in Unintelligent Design. Conclusion, scientists are stupid and you can indeed tell what a person is like in bed based on their breakfast choices.

What does OATMEAL for breakfast say about my sex life?

You’re not flashy, you don’t care what anyone else thinks, you have sex because it’s just something you think you should do, and sex with you is somewhat bland but you are very filling nonetheless.

What do POPTARTS for breakfast say about my sex life?

You tend to remain flat, anyone can do everything you can in the matter of seconds, and the older you get the more you will realize this is for kids.

What do PANCAKE for breakfast say about my sex life?

You have a really good reputation, you go well with anything and at any time of the day, and you’re near perfect.

What do WAFFLES for breakfast say about my sex life?

You’re trying too hard to do what the pancake does better. Give up. You’ll never be as good.

What does FRESH FRUIT for breakfast say about my sex life?

You’re boring, you have no imagination or willingness to be daring, and you’re probably a lonely person who will die that way.

What does CEREAL for breakfast say about my sex life?

You are a lot better in theory, in the beginning you’re pretty good, after a while you get a little too soggy, and you tend to make a bigger mess than anyone ever expected.

What do EGGS for breakfast say about my sex life?

You know a million different ways to do it and each way ends with you having terrible gas.

What does COLD PIZZA for breakfast say about my sex life?

You don’t put much thought into anything you do, you tend to not finish what you started the night before and try to make up for it the next morning, and you think having something is better than having nothing at all.

What does HAVING NOTHING for breakfast say about my sex life?

You were probably too busy jerking off to have time to prepare anything for breakfast. Get some granola bars.

Comments
  1. Addie says:

    What about grits?

  2. rossmurray1 says:

    I think I just read a piece on Huffington about a woman who had breakfast every day for a year!

  3. You know some of us eat oatmeal because we are just old.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    What if you have dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner? Not the cold pizza kind either…

  5. The Waiting says:

    Ooh ooh ooooh! Do English muffins! ;D

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