Sleepless Nights & Competitions

I had a very tough time sleeping last night. I won’t bitch because it was actually more good than bad. Other than waking up at 6AM two days in a row and messing up my entire sleep schedule, I couldn’t sleep because I’m excited for new competitions in my life.

I’m very competitive. I’m the type of person that when I hear there is a new one I can enter, I do and quickly do some maths to determine my odds.

I’m in a new competition on a monthly basis over at a new blogging format I joined about 3 weeks ago at Sportsblog.com. If you happen to also enjoy writing about sports, I encourage you to sign up and make money writing about sports. However, I’m pretty sure anybody I met through this blog would guess a basketball was shaped like a trapezoid.

The important notice I wanted to make here now is that although I’m not writing here or many of the other places I used to, I am overwhelmed with the written word now to the point where it’s taking up way too much time and I fucking love it. I’m making money too. Someone even randomly contacted me about becoming the editor for his site he’s reinventing. I’ve had lots of good news lately in my writing pursuits after a miserable first week in March in just about every aspect of my life other than plenty of bees.

The current competition I am in is based on unique hits to my blog, Innings Eaters. It’s all about baseball, a topic I was always very interested, but not until about a year ago realized I could make money writing at. I know it sounds like I’m a sellout writing with the motivation of money, but I gots kids to feed! And by that, I mean I eat so much it’s like I’m pregnant and already have several other children who depend on me for food.

So, if you could be so kind as to visit the blog and click around a bit, I’d greatly appreciate it. Hell, wait until Monday when the other competition ends. If you like baseball, read it frequently and share it. You won’t do it. You stink.

Slideshow Bobs

I haven’t blogged here in nearly forever (a slight exaggeration) and I happen to be drained from writing about baseball at the moment so I figured why not entertain you fine Mohicans still checking in on me here.

I’ve been writing lots, still, but mostly about baseball. I’ve been keeping up with Phalse Philly Sports, however, I’m thinking about ending the blog when I reach 1,000 posts in the next three months. Having the blog mentioned on a sports radio show multiple times seems to be its pinnacle and I think I got everything out of it that I could.

Back in December, I began writing for a baseball site. It was fun for a short while until several circumstances led to even more frustration than my life needed at the time. I’ll go into detail at a later date, but the key thing I took away from it was the importance of slideshows and other clickbait techniques. Because I know the editor I had an issue with is stalking me online now, which is really creepy, I’m going to save the juicy details until after he disappears for good.

A combination of frustrations with my flailing writing “career” and my job which seems to have become a “career” made the last two weeks pretty shitty. Hoping to find something good, I managed to discover sportsblog.com during a Craigslist search.

Immediately I created a blog then decided my idea was too simple and I needed to not focus on one topic, rather, open it up to all baseball related news.

Since creating The Cleat Report back in July, I’ve published almost 900 posts–many being links to other places I’m writing. I thought by now I would be eligible for Adwords, but to even be considered you need to average about 600 views a day. Bloggers know how difficult this can be and if I ever want to make money writing I’m going to have to venture out in more directions.

So my new main focus is writing over at Innings Eaters. It’s unbelievably awesome because I get paid, the site already ranks high in Google, and there are plenty of competitions a boy like me can enter and enjoy. It’s far from a permanent dream writing gig, but it’s one of the best experiences I’ve had writing about baseball so far. It’s also only been a week so like the wrestling card at a WWE event, my opinion is subject to change.

That’s what I’m up to and focused on most. Life is pretty crazy at the moment so it’s nice to have something I can put a lot of energy into and get a lot back from.

(He’s making an Atheist Face)

Baseball Lives

As if I’m not already taking up too much of my time chasing an impossible dream, I began writing for a new website. This new task has taken away from working on other projects, but from what I have learned in the last year, writing seriously has a much bigger benefit in the long run than trying to make people laugh does. In fact, making people laugh is pretty much a waste of time. Why put so much effort into something a feather to a foot can?

Anyway, the new site I’m contributing for is called Call to the Pen. For those unfamiliar with baseball, it’s a slang term for–I’m not going to even bother. To view my articles exclusively I will redirect you to my other baseball site I write by myself and the page I have dedicated to this new site. I figure, if you are interested enough to click on one link, you will probably click on a second.

You can find what I have written so far here on this really long string of words that for some reason I thought should all be part of the link.

That’s it. Just wanted to share this little piece of nonsense.

I’m also spending New Year’s with a sexy lady.

No, not here. She’s only my number two and three.

Other Works

Here are links to places you can find other works of mine.

The Cleat Report: Anything baseball related

Phalse Philly Sports: Philadelphia sports satire

Imaginary Sports Team Names

Fantasy baseball is starting again soon and I hate to repeat team names. Last year I was the Miami Carlins and the Atlanta Slaves.

 

 

I also played fantasy football. My team name there was the Cleveland Drowns.

As you can see, they got progressively harsher and specific.

Here are some potential baseball names I may go with this year and football ones I have thus far:

Philadelphia Willies – Symbol is a bunch of penises

New York Getz – Symbol is Lethal Weapon character Leo Getz near the Statue of Liberty

Los Angeles Rogers – Symbol is a bunch of people named Roger like the black kid from Sister Sister

Toronto Blue Gays – Symbol is a bunch of upset protesting gay people/Chris Crocker crying/Blue Man Group sex picture

Houston Castratestros – Symbol is a penis without any balls

Los Angeles Angles – Symbol is a right angle

Tampa Bay Lays – Symbol is a bag of potato chips

Cincinnati Beds – Symbol is a bed

Cincinnati Meds – Symbol is one of those pill cases with every day of the week

Cincinnati Dreads – Symbol is a guy with dreadlocks

Cincinnati Peds – Symbol is a bunch of famous pedophiles

Arizona Diamondslacks – Symbol is a pair of pants with diamonds on them

Chicago Rubs – Symbol is a Vietnamese woman giving a massage

Milwaukee Jewers – Symbol is someone haggling the price down

I’ll stop there with baseball. For football I only have two so far:

Kansas City Queefs – Symbol is a vagina fart

Philadelphia Keagles – Symbol is a vagina tightening exercise

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Freshly Pressed Equivalencies

I have written over 500 blog posts here and never once did WordPress honor me by having fair-weathered WordPress users leave me a bunch of phony comments in hopes it would boost their own followers and hits. I have written 73 articles for Yahoo Voices and finally, I received the honors equivalent to Freshly Pressed.

 

Can you read that? I’m not sure. The font looks really small to me plus I have bad eyesight, don’t I beautiful? Yes I’m bragging. I’m bragging because I have already earned 20 cents from being on the front page of Yahoo Voices. Did you know most people skip right over regular Yahoo and go straight to Yahoo Voices? It’s a very popular site and I am being sarcastic.

Still, it’s cool, ya know. It’s only a shame that I wrote this article 3 months ago and parts of it are already outdated. I just wanted to take a moment to brag that although the WordPress Illuminati may not like me, Yahoo does. They give me money for this crap. Why aren’t you writing for Yahoo Voices you dope? See how I turned this from bragging into motivating you? I so smart.

Here’s the link to the actual home page so you can click on it and say “Oh, I see this is true.”

Yahoo Voices

A Few Days

In a few days, however many it is until Friday, I find out if I am a finalist in the 97.5 The Fanatic Dream Job contest. I believe the possibility of me being a finalist is high. When I say high I mean there is literally a less than 1/100 chance. There is more of a chance at me getting a gig on the radio than there is for Lloyd Christmas to get with Mary Swanson. I of course have to be a little cocky and believe my odds are even better than the actual math. Not only do I think my videos were different from a lot of the others, I also followed the directions and made great points about Philadelphia sports. The only thing that is in my way is that I’m not a female. I know they would love to have a female on the station. I would however probably be willing to wear women’s underwear if it meant I could win this. Wouldn’t you? I’ve spent the last 3 years of my life listening to a lot of Philadelphia sports radio so I have a good idea of how things work. Why am I making this seem like a resume? Forget it. All I’m saying is that this would be a really cool thing to happen to me and I ask if you can take the time to look over my two videos and like and/or comment on them. This isn’t a contest where you particularly vote for a person, but they do want us to be media savvy in promoting so this is me being media savvy and promoting. It’s either that or take hostages and I would feel really bad if I gave someone Stockholm Syndrome.

My Solo Video

My Duo Video

Talkin’ Sports

My second video for the 97.5 The Fanatic Dream Job application is up on their site. This one I did with a partner, Carter “Wild Thing” Johns. I would appreciate Likes and comments. It will surely make me happier after finding out that I’m a shitty writer who can’t come up with a television show better than Law Show. You can read my last blog post for more on that.

Here’s the link to my duo video

You probably won’t understand anything in it unless you follow Philadelphia sports, but it’s a poorly animated cartoon so I guess maybe do some drugs then watch it. I don’t know. It works for Cartoon Network.

Also you can still comment or Like my single video. Do both.

Thank you and that’s all you have to read. I will find out if I am a finalist in another week and you will never have to hear about this ever again if I don’t make it.

Dream Jobs

This is a very important post. It’s short too so many people will probably see it.

Yesterday I warned I would need some help with a radio contest. Well, the help begins today. Keep in mind, this isn’t one of those “whoever has the most friends” or “whoever is the most devout Catholic” wins contest. This is a contest you win on merit which I always respect. So basically, if you have the time, if you have the desire, if you want to get on my good side, go to the link below and leave a comment on my video.

Dream Job Application

I will have yet another video I am entering to post on here and bug you about as soon as Carter “Superstar” Johns finally gets around to recording his part of our duo video which I guarantee will be the most unique and entertaining thing anyone submits this year ever infinity forever.

I also know you probably have no idea what I’m saying in the video because you’re not a Philadelphia sports fan or a sports fan in general. It doesn’t matter. I’m making a great point. If you have no clue what to comment, you can simply comment “Yes! Yes! Yes!” or any other wrestling reference you can think of that are relevant. If I am one of the finalists selected to attend a live event and we have the chance to play it up to the crowd, I plan on turning the thing into a madhouse. All you have to do to comment is signup really quick or even sign in with Facebook. It’s pretty simple.

Also apologies now to anyone on Facebook who also reads the blog who I will probably bug about this further. Just remember, if I can win this then I will never be mean to you ever again because I will have my dream job…or at least one of them.

(This wouldn’t be bad either)

Disinterests

What’s a percentage less than 0? That’s the amount of people I believe will be interested in yet another side blog I’m working on. This one will chronicle my fantasy baseball season this year. If for some reason I ever post something particularly amazing I’ll be sure to tell you. I don’t expect too many people to flock there so don’t feel obligated. I’ve just been slacking off on everything in life the last week and a half or so other than being a big piece of shit and needed to fulfill my promise of venturing into new creative endeavors somehow. That’s it for today. I would appreciate any kindness thrown my way because I’m still for some reason stuck in a bad mental state.

Miami Carlins Fantasy Baseball Blog